Trying to understand an EX....

[bzborow1]

Hi all,

 

Well i'm sure you're familiar with my story. GF of 5 years cheated on me, said she needed time to find herself and broke up with me. She continued calling me and wanting to do stuff, but that only lead to more arguments and immature games. Finally a couple of days ago I told her enough is enough, I'm not playing these immature games anymore. I love you, and that's the problem, friends just isn't good enough...not now. I'm really struggling through my loss, but somehow i know i'll get through it.

 

My question is more about depression. My ex has clinical depression, and keeps telling me how she's sorry i'm losing the best girl i'll ever meet. In addition, she tells me she doesn't know what she wants, out of me, or anything. Is this normal behaviour for someone who has depression? A series of self-destruction followed by a feeling that being alone is the only answer?

 

What am I to do if she starts contacting me? My weakness is I care for her, as I'm the one who dragged her into getting help. But I can't just be friends with her, I wanted to marry her...you can't just let that go. So I guess i'm trying to balance her needs with mine.

 

I guess I must confess that I did what I felt I had to do. But I can't get the feeling that if she suddenly came back to me, I would take her back. So I guess I'm a bit weak in that regards...I know that taking some time completely away from her is best...but I don't know how I should actually handle "her", in the event she finally discovers what SHE'S losing. I guess i'm young and confused....any thoughts?

 

Bill

[StillLoveHer]

Sounds like I'm in the same boat with my wife, She cheated, left.. Now she comes around, talks to me all the time we go out and do stuff. We talk about the stuff we want, and how we are going to do this or that when we get a new place.. She wants a new place and doesn't want to live where I live right now because of my sister living next door... But she said she won't come back to that place.. It really kills me..

[faeriechyld]

I used to be a little like your girlfriend with my ex, we would go back and forth, playing really stupid mind games and what not. Hurting each other more and more. We'd stop talking for a little while, we'd both grow up a bit, change and all that, but if we started talking again, it was like all that changing and growing up we did disappeared and for all of like a few days we would be in pure bliss, then jealousy and too much from the past came back to haunt us.

My point is, your girlfriend sounds like what I used to be, confused about what I wanted. She needs to get it straight before she even thinks about getting back together with you, let alone call you and play more head games. You sound like you know exactly what you want, but unfortunately, you are hurting yourself more by hanging onto this girl. Just let her go, and maybe someday in the future she will finally grow up and realize that you are who she wants and needs to be with. What she is doing is really immature, and I feel I have a right to say that only because I used to do the exact same thing and I KNOW I was being immature and stupid.

My advice to you is to stick to what you told her, enough is enough and if she doesn't know what she wants, then you're sorry, but you can't do this to yourself anymore. The pain of the back and forth hurts a lot more then just letting go. It's like letting a wound heal slowly instead of continuously picking at it and reopening it. All in all I wish you the best of luck in the future. And like I said, there is always a chance she may wake up later on down the line and realize you are who she wants.

Take care.

[InLoveAndWaiting]

I found this post to be exacly how my ex is treating me now.