she wrote me an email that broke me into little pieces

[69_king]

If I were you I would ask her to tell me exactly what is was that she didn't like about me.

 

I would want to know for future reference. If she had a few valid points then I might consider trying to change a little.

 

People say "Just be yourself" and "Don't try to change yourself" but often we are doing something wrong and we just don't realize it.

 

Like if I couldn't get a girlfirend no matter waht I did, even though I thought I was a wonderful guy, then there must be something wrong and I would definitely want to change it if I could find out what it was.

 

But if she can give you no good reasons for turning you down like that then I would say she is just a dumb b|tch.

too bad.

[VEN]

i already asked her in the first email and she said we don't have many things in common...so i said...can we just be friends and she said...i don't think so, like i said we have little in common...so i said...oh nevermind...

[69_king]

i already asked her in the first email and she said we don't have many things in common...so i said...can we just be friends and she said...i don't think so, like i said we have little in common...so i said...oh nevermind...

 

Darn.

 

Well, I guess thats a reasonable answer. I have that problem too, I have never met a girl that I share a significant number of interests with.

 

So, to learn from this, I guess its a good idea to seek out people that you have common interests with before you try to go farther.

 

No matter how nice she is, you might have got a little bored with each other if you did start something but didn't have much in common.

 

Sometimes it can work and be great but obviously she doesn't think so in this case.

 

Although, to turn you down in that way it must seem like a serious problem to her.

[VEN]

yes...but the problem is that we have lotsa things in common

[69_king]

Oh Crap

 

 

(OK, I give up)

[Caldus]

It doesn't matter if you two have a lot in common. She's not interested so it will not work out. She's not worth your time anymore. Move on.

[VEN]

yep..i give up too...in my own way

[Caldus]

If anything it's a good thing you're not with her. I wouldn't call it giving up.

[Strandysmommy]

You described this nice gift you gave her as something spendy, right? Well, I was thinking about it; as sweet as it was of you, maybe giving that to her, when you two weren't even friends might have scared her. I mean, it's kinda like some random guy coming up to me with an engagement ring and asking me to marry him when I have maybe said hi to him once or twice.

 

I'm sure you aren't at all a creep, but giving her this exorbanant gift might have maybe convayed that to her...like I said, if some random girl came up to you and handed you a solid gold...whatever you men wear these days, it might be awkward. None the less, I still say she was tactless and inmature in reacting to it, and now she's whispering to her little girlfriends. What nonsense.

[VEN]

well...worst day of my life kinda...i quit the swim team...for 2 reasons: remember the coky guy who i talked about. He's also on the team. So is Sarah. well today the coky dude started telling everyone at swimming how Sarah "turned me down" and then everyobdy started looking at me....so i got kinda angry and went into the changeroom and got under a shower....the all of a sudden all that anger burst out and i snapped and started to punch the liquid soap dispenser until it burst into little pieces cutting my hands pretty bad (i have never ever have gotten this angry before...im not usually like this...by the way soap and wounds don't mix) I sat down and my eyes started to tear (by the way the second reason i quit is cause im not a very good swimmer and i alsways get last place) Then i remembered i forgot my swim cap at the pool so i went out with blood dripping from my hands..i went up and picked it up and was gonna leave but for some reason everybody stopped swimming and looked at me and one girl said "What happenned Vova?" this were my exact words "Sarah was the best thing that ever happenned to me and it all turned into a nightmare...that's what happened" (i said infront of sarah and every1 who was there)...I left and headed for the "first aid" room...got my hands patched up and left home......by the way i was typing this for a long time lol

[VEN]

i asked her again what is wrong about me just for future reference and she said

 

"look i dont think u want me 2 answer that question because then i'm already bein more mean than i already have been 2 u.

 

-sarah"

[Caldus]

VEN, that was some pretty serious stuff that happened there. I don't think it was very healthy for you at all to react like that. It's almost like you're obsessed with her and that's never a good thing. She's not interested so you have to move on and find someone else. You can either waste your energy on this girl and never get her or you could use that energy to improve yourself and to find someone else. It's up to you.

[VEN]

i snapped Because a. they were laughing about that they are done and im still on my 4th warm up lap b. cause the gay people are the ones who have pretty much the power..they wont even feel guilty if the hurt someone's feelings...and i got pissed cause i was tired of all that crap....should i write her an e-mail saying that i still want her to tell e whats wrong about me cause she can't hurt anymore than she already did or because i can handle it etc.? by the way my hands kill so i guess ill ask my mom to call me in sick

 

i feel more pain than i did an hour ago (doc said ill be fine) but i've felt worse (serious go kart accident.) my parents know nothing about this...i said i slipped on ice and fell on my hands

 

 

i can't type no more....

[traz]

This is going to sound harsh, especially given the day you've had...

 

You're obsessed. From what I've read, you haven't even had a relationship with this girl, but yet she's "the best thing that's ever happened to you"...that's all in your head. That's your infatuation taking over.

 

The fact is that she doesn't like you...that happens dude. It happens ALOT...and if you're going to react this way everytime it happens, then you're going to hurt your hand plenty times more.

 

You have to move on...stop thinking about her, stop thinking that you've lost something great...truth is you haven't lost anything, as you never had her. Perhaps SHE'S lost something great...she lost the chance to be with you. Now look for someone who can appreciate that.

 

In the end...the path you're going on isn't healthy, and you should try your best to look past this girl. Try doing various activities to keep your mind occupied, or maybe find another love interest.

[Strandysmommy]

DON'T E-MAIL her anymore! Don't don't don't. That's going to get you into a world of trouble, it's going to tick her off and she might take some sort of actions to make you stop. (I'm thinking restraining order, blocking your email etc..) That's NOT the way to get in her good graces, and at this point why would you?

 

I use this analogy alot but now it seems almost apropo: you have a wound (several, actually quite literally) e-mailing her, interacting with her, looking at her...acknowledging her existence; rips the scab off the wound making it worse, leaving you suceptible to infection. Don't torture yourself any more! You may be hurting your chances with other girls who may be seeing your behavior and thinking "gees, what if something should happen and we don't work out...he gets obsessed." That WILL scare a girl off, I tell you certainly.

 

I know it's worse when you have some dumb#%(# rubbing your nose in it, I'd have boiled over too. Not to the point of physically assulting something but still he's a jerk. I am sure many people would agree, and if they did laugh, well, they're jerks as well, and very inmature, unintellegent jerks. Look forward to your future, do all that you can possibly do to make yourself ready. High School will die away and you might never see any of those people ever again. I could ramble on and on but I have already yakked enough. Just remember, her last email sounded like a warning...don't do it.

[DropToZero]

Hey VEN, I haven't posted since the beginning of this....but honestly, you remind me of me when I was in HS...which wasn't that long ago actually. A year or so ago I 'sorta' had the same problem. I was entirely infatuated with a girl that I was never quite sure liked me or not. I asked her out, and she was already seeing someone, yet she wanted my number....after a few months of not knowing, it finally came out and I got mad about why she asked for my number, but never would call even tho I just wanted to hang even as friends. It took a lot of time, but I never unloaded any of my feelings on her b/c I knew what would happen if I did, it was just a huge infatuation tho and it drove me crazy like this girl is to you. All you think about is her, and why she doesn't like you. It has to end though.

 

You're gonna have to in some ways, just NO CONTACT....if you see her in the hall, dont look, she honestly doesn't even sound that nice b/c she doesnt wanna be your friend even. If you think about it logically, that's just cruel to come out and say it...I mean...would you want to be with a girl that treats ppl that way? ....no contact tho...dont email...don't talk....if ppl talk about you and her, blow them off....its gonna take a while, but you'll get over her....its took me a few months before I finally began caring less for her. Take care...and don't punch any inanimate objects...you won't win....heh sorry, had to say it.

[dreamweaverdude]

Ven,

 

After having read most of the thread I can't help but reply. Even though it's been a while since I've been in your exact shoes I have before. The advice the others have given is wise. This girl has no interest in you at all (as tough as it is to take) her being brutually honest hurts... You wont to try to FIX IT where she will like you, but VEN.... i aint happening. There are times in our lives we can't have what we want.. and it seems she is that for you... YOu can't fix it, or change in order for it to 'work'.

 

Believe me as the others have said, as muchas you think you want it to work... in the long-term you'll be glad it didn't. I dont know you but you remind me of me years ago. You want to be with someone that cares and she doens't care about you. Doesn't make her bad, but if she has no interests in you, then you Have no choice but to move on...

 

Doens't mean it won't hurt. it will. Anytime someone we consider significant in our life is no longer there no matter why they arn't.. it hurts beyond belief at times. Grieve if you must, but moveon.

 

And i do agree, quit contacting her. YOu are border-line if not ceritified obsessed with this girl. Continued atttempts at contact should result in some embarrassing encounters that make the pool incident minor. Back off and let her breathe and you make a turn away from her and move on.

 

It doesn't matter what you have in common, it doen'st matter how much YOU want it towork, it takes BOTH sides.. and if ONE side opts out. THAT"S IT. Just like a business contract it takes two....... both willing to participate.

 

Good Luck.... and keep that temper in line. The next time it might be someone else beating on you other the dispenser. Be cool about it