Ex is back now what?

[justme3924]

Hello,

 

I have a situation that I am very confused about. About 4 months ago my girlfriend and I of four years split up. I wanted to work it out through seeking some counseling and she would have anything to do with me. I pleaded and told her I was willing to do just about anything to make things right again. I truly loved this woman. She was stubborn and quite mean and replied to my attempts to show her that the mature thing to do was to try to work it out together through counseling. I tried and tried – I practically begged. She just wasn't having it. So after about two months of feeling completely lost and pathetic. I said screw this I am too good of a person and went out with some friends and happened to meet girl. Well, to make a long story short the two of us had a lot in common and hit it off pretty well. We had both just gotten out of a relationship and just were looking for some companionship with no strings attached. This was fine for me and fine for her. So we started doing some things together. We started to go to movies, read books on self improvement, I even went to counseling for weeks to try to get my head right from the breakup. Well my ex got wind of the fact that I was hanging out with some other girl. One Friday I was packing up my truck to go camping with my new "friend" and my ex shows up hysterically crying and she looked extremely skinny. It was a very uncomfortable situation because my "friend" was on her way over and here stood my ex in my front yard badgering me on if I had "been" with this new girl or not? I felt that it was none of her business at this point and frankly I just didn't want a seen so I said no I hadn't. That was not the truth. But the way I saw it was that she would give me the time of day when I wanted to work things out and now because someone else was around she was feeling threatened and all of the sudden she wants back in my life. Well, I go camping and while I was away – my ex took the liberty of letting herself in my house with a "spare" key she apparently had and went through my email account and found out I had been with this girl. I come home to find everything I had ever given her in a pile on my living room floor and two mean nasty notes. One to me and one to the "friend".

 

I pretty much wrote her off after this behavior. Then one night I came home from a movie with my new friend and my ex is waiting on my front stoop. She says she wants to apologize for her behavior and that she is very sorry and she will do anything to get me back. Well, that put me in a confused situation. I do still love this woman. My new friend is someone who I care about but we both know that we are just friends that took it a little far and have since stopped any intimacy months ago and are purely friends. I told my ex that if I saw some changes and if it was taken really slow that maybe we would have a chance. But, now here I am. My friend has evolved into a "true" friend and solely a friend. I told my ex that we would never be anything else other than friends ever again. Well, case and point my ex expects me to completely write of my new friend and break all contact. This goes against everything I believe in and I don't feel it is the right thing to do. I am not trying to have my cake and eat it too. However, this girl has been very understanding about everything and very open minded. She has been there for me and has been a very good person to me. She is actually moving two hours away in about two months. I feel that it is unfair to have my ex ask this of me. I mean it comes down to she didn't want me and let me go. I beg and plead and do everything in my power and she says no. Then all of the sudden she has the right to make demands like this? I have compromised. I have taken many steps back from my new friend. We talk only every now and then and it is like we are old friends. I just don't know what to do? It seems very unfair to just let someone who has been a good friend go because my ex expects it of me. It also makes me believe that she wants me for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I am being to idealistic? Any advise or opinions would be much appreciated.

[kddmsu]

That is wrong of your ex to demand that you stop talking to this girl who is only a friend. Also, you should know, you said in your letter that you would get back with your ex if she changed. People never change, they are who they are, it might change for a month or two but the real person will again show their face. I would say that there is too much drama between you and your ex and that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I know you love her to death, I mean after such a substantial amount of time, I think anyone would. To me it seems that your ex is on a big power trip and you are nothing but a challenge to her. I think once you give up on a good friendship and do in fact go back to your ex, she will leave you and you will be left with nothing. I would suggest letting go of your ex and maintaing a friendship with the other girl. In all, friends will always be there for you, but will your ex? I don't think so, but that is just my two cents, take it as you want to take it.

[Downwithit]

Thats gota ****ing suck