My boyfriend wants to move out but still be together

[liz22]

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[Tinkerbell]

We have been living together the whole time we have been together

 

That right there is probably the biggest problem. Usually, couples date for awhile, and then if all goes well, they start taking their relationship a few steps further, eventually moving into together. You and your boyfriend completely jumped those steps and rushed right into it, so your comment that "usually couples go from not living together to living together, not the opposite" is not relevant to the situation.

 

Perhaps it is best that he moves out, so he can see how life without you around every second of the day is; how it feels to be independent once again. If you love something, let it go...If the two of you are meant to be together, he will come back eventually.

[ShuShu Fontana]

Has he ever lived on his own? Maybe he wants to try that before things get more serious with you. It sounds like he's feeling cloastrophobic and it's nothing that you've done, he's just had a hard time adjusting to living with you. Maybe he just needs somet time to himself to chill. I don't think it necessarily means he doesn't want to be with you.

[Softmoonlight]

I don't know, i don't take that as a good sign myself. I can understand why you are so worried. However, there's no use worrying about it unless it happens right? Just plain ask him if there's something wrong with your relationship that is making him move out. everyone drives each other crazy by the way ; )

 

Let him move out if he wants to. Then you and he can reevaluate the relationship and decide if it's worth continuing. He sounds indecisive, as you say, and almost immature. I don't know of many people who live with someone, move out and still want to date. Maybe he would take the next 20 years deciding if he wants to get married as well?

 

If he does move out, take the time to reevaluate things yourself.

Good luck dear!

[AlleyCat]

Just ask him why he's thinking about moving out before you start worrying too much about it. It could be for a variety of reasons, such as wanting to establish himself on his own. You said he's living with you rent-free. This really could be bad for his ego, and he may just need some time to himself to figure out his next step in life.

 

I think it's normal to drive each other a little bit crazy at times when you're living with someone (and even when you're not), so try not to worry about that too much.

 

While I agree it's a bit unusual to go from living together to not living together, there's nothing wrong with doing so if it helps your relationship. It's even possible that you're a little too dependent on him, so it could be good for you to have some more time to yourself to develop your own interests, spend time with your own friends, etc. As another poster said, it is pretty unusual to be living together for your entire relationship.

 

Good luck!!

[OceanEyes]

He commented that I drive him crazy sometimes. This upsets me because I try so hard to be good to him.

 

This, right here, is definitely a huge part of the problem. There's a good chance that you are nothing but good to him, and that you do your best to please him. Why would anyone want to give that up? Because it's too readily available, there is no mystery left, and especially for a younger guy - he probably feels like he's lost a lot of his independence.

 

Don't dote on this guy, he will take you for granted (which kind of sounds like is already happening). If you're letting him live with you rent-free and not really giving him much grief about it, he's probably going to start viewing you more as his mom than his woman. He's probably starting to feel overwhelmed and like he is being taken care of. Most guys his age aren't into feeling like that.

 

The only thing I can suggest is to make yourself a lot less available to him, even if he is living under your roof right now. Spending too much time together (or trying to) right now will probably make him even more impatient to move, more antsy. Space is key right now.

[tcookie]

I am in the same situation or should I say similar situation. My partner who lived with me for 1.5 years just got his divorce finalised and as for me I've been divorced 5 years ago. We have had consistent fights, disagreements etc. Indeed we moved in too quickly.

 

Sometimes we judge everyone based on what is told or said but at the end of the day, it is all up to the individual how they want to manage or maintain the relationship. Well this 'separation' is the first we left in agreement to give each other space which is good. We talk everyday, finally saying good night or good morning. I am missing him but I've become independent in many aspects. He doesn't have a secured job and the home is mine, maintained by me etc.

 

So all I can say is take one day at a time, search your inner self. At times we feel so attached to the routine of having someone that we forget our own needs. I've been picky, I've been hard on him, I realised I was controlling him. We all need our own space. We need our own time away. We need to detach the sense of routine. I used to panick before when he would take a short break for 2 or 3 days and stay away. I would freak out. Like my limbs can't function.

 

But for the first time, I can say this 'i have to love myself first so the energy in loving another is justified'. Otherwise a simple theory would be, if I am so busy 'loving' him and hating myself when things go wrong, I would end up hating him and myself more. Cos of the energy spent in 'loving' him. So we need to ask ourselves, are we loving, are we instructing, are we actually demanding or moulding another just because he can't provide so he has to be at our own mercy.

 

I know people would disagree but I am victim of my own doings. I would provide, help out and lay conditions subconciously without realising that there are so many conditions laid out. Just because he goes through hard times. So if you truly love yourself and truly unconditionally wanting to love another regardless of his abilities, his stable condition, his lifestyle...your 'investments' would be all worthwhile. Because you are doing it for the person you are and not the person he is.

 

I hope I do not offend anyone here. I mean well for everyone at the end of the day. Remember, I am also a victim. Stop and search deep within. From the moment you felt hurt (whether you were 5 or 6 years old) till this date. Write a journal of what you think could be the reason for the way we are. It is helping me and hope it helps you find the root of the way we are.

 

Good luck and God bless.

 

Quote: "If u aren't good at luving urself u will have a difficult time luving anyone since u'll resent d time n energy u give another person dat u aren't giving to urself"[/i]