Some advice required

[the book boi]

I could do with some advice, as im somthing of a retard when it comes to dealing with women!

 

I started working at a new job recently, i'm temping in a bookshop for the holidays (i'm in my final year of my degree).

 

Anyway there is a girl I work with and i'm not sure if she likes me or is just a bit of a flirt. I'm going though a bit of a confidence dip at the moment as not had much luck of late on the dating scene (lots of confusing girls in my world!)

 

here's a summery of whats going on;

 

First time I met her she came over to me and said hello and asked when I started at the shop, she just seamed nice and a warm person... through the day she was helping me with the training etc and a couple of time she touched the top of my arm one sort stroking it for a couple of seconds.

 

Since then everytime we've been on shift she's touched my arm or shoulder at some point and somtimes she bring a book to laugh about and while she's showing me she is closer than would be natural for work mates. We have a laugh and she smiles at me when we pass each other but othen doesn't make eye contact properly, this could be cause she's shy or doesn't like me I dont know.

 

Anyway above the rest of that the other day I was wearing a t-shirt with a barcode on the back really small and offset, part of the design but i'd not noticed it.. she came over and said "you know you've got a barcode on your back" I truthfully said I didn't notice it, she then had a good look at the barcode and was touching my back while doing it and said "have you scanned it" i said no, she said in a cheeky way "i'd like to scan it sometime" and then went back to shelving......

 

Now if I was in confident mode i would have asked her out there and then but my last disaster was falling for a flirty girl and im worried about doing it again! plus she's way out of my league!

 

I dont really know if any of that is valuable information but i'm worried because I like her and am worried that im reading too much into nothing.. there are a few more little clues and bits and bobs but I think i've ranted on enough already!

 

Any advice would be cool!

[TBB]

[emma34]

Being a girl myself, I honestly cannot read these actions either. She is intersted in you, but she has made no REAL move on you, so thereforeeee it could be either. My advice would be, if your having fun with this flirtation, just go with it. Don't force something to happen. Do you even know if she's single? My thoughts are that she is just having fun flirting, an obvious attraction, but these are those dangerous kind of girls that don't know what they want, and will treat you with nonchalance...this is just my opinion...this is hard one for sure

[the book boi]

Thanks for the reply I know really only me and her can know what going on and even then not really

 

She has dropped a hint about being single, in a witty comment about a book title can't remember the details but it was basically along the lines of why cant cats be more like men, it was a joke but I think it may have also been a little hint!

 

I am at the moment just having a laugh with the flirting and im not that stressed about the whole situation. its just that I found out somone i worked with last summer really liked me and while we flirted and stuff I never thought it wouldn't go any further and didn't do anything.. she's travelling the US now and its one of those by the time I found out that she did like me and it wasn't games it was too late, just got a big fear of making the same mistake!

 

But i'm worried that the fear of repeating the mistake is gonna make me mental cause i've been beating myself up about that mistake because the crux of it was I thought she was too good for me!

[Switch187]

Well it is hard to say whether she really likes you, is interested in you, or is just being friendly to the "new guy" from her actions, but there is no harm in you making a move to see what she is really getting at. Since the both of you know and work with book all day, try using that to your advantage on asking her out. Try to see what styles of books she likes (if you don't know) and see if you could invite her out to talk about a story or passage from a book you know that she will also know (most women love a guy that reads and can discuss literature). Just ask her out for a cup of coffee and sit down and talk. If you don't want it to really look like a date, just so you don't put her in the wrong situation, try doing it after work. I think that she is "into" you a little bit due to the physical touching she does (most girls that are just flirts don't usualy touch a person, they just say things).

 

The best way to get over that fear you have of letting that other girl "get away" is to not let this one get away either. If you like her go for it, just be subtle enough to make her feel comfertable. If she doesn't like you in that way, and you are subtle about the whole thing, you won't have to go through that whole "I only like you as a friend" conversation since her actions will show you how she feels. This will also help you in noticing what a girl does when she likes a person, or is just being a friendly flirt.

[ticklebug]

why not ask her if she wants to have lunch one of these days...that way you will be out of the work environment and you might be able to tell a bit better what her intentions are.

[the book boi]

Yeah its the touching that makes me think its not all my head.. I was thinking about lunch but it might be tricky as we are in the same dept and two people can't be on lunch at the same time, plus was thinking if it was just a first "exploratory date" might be best to do it out of the eyes of workmates, one of the guys has already had a joke with us as we were just flicking through stuff on a trolley and we were just chatting he came over, we stopped talking and he accused us of looking guilty.

 

Switch187 i like you're idea, at the moment all out flirting is based around finding books and sharing jokes for example today she found a book about those damn bunnykins things and came accross to me and just said "have a look at these bunnykins" i know it's not that funny but it was at the time, we also unpacked some pop up karma sutra (nice concept) and we unsealed one and had a good giggle at some of the "illustrations".

 

I think a beer after work might be the right approach, the real plus on a side note is that she and my best mate get on ( my best mate works there and she got me the job ) in the past ppl have not like the closeness i have with her, but as they already know each other that shouldn't be an issue this time.

[Mentor]

Now if I was in confident mode i would have asked her out there and then but my last disaster was falling for a flirty girl and im worried about doing it again! plus she's way out of my league!

 

Don't fall for her first, that is kind of backwards. Ask her out first, then if it goes well, you can fall for her

 

Remember that she also sees you as a co-worker, so as cautious and uncomfortable about this you feel, she feels the same. Invite her out for coffee or something after your shift where you can talk outside of the work environment.

 

It seems that you know the signs to look for, just keep your eyes open.

[the book boi]

 

Don't fall for her first, that is kind of backwards. Ask her out first, then if it goes well, you can fall for her

 

 

This is one of those things that happen even though I know it shouldn't, i find it hard when I meet someone who is cool that I share interests with etc not to become infatuated (not sure thats the right term but less than love more than lust)

 

It's somthing im working on ironically cause someone professes to be in love with me even though she hardly knows me and to be honest comes accross as a bit of a nut job (she's not my type) but I can see things in her attitude etc that I would be doing and being on the otherside of it has shown me that its not cool in the least! I'm playing it cool and having fun that way if nothing happens at least it was a laugh.

 

Posting (first time i've ever posted on any kind of forum) on here has helped me get most of the crap out of my head and think abuot the whole situation with alot more clarity.

 

I over analyze things often to the point of headbashing fustration, getting some fresh independent input has really helped

[Mentor]

i find it hard when I meet someone who is cool that I share interests with etc not to become infatuated

 

The best cure for this is to get up the courage to ask someone out before you get infatuated. Then you can both become infatuated together

 

Keep it casual, just coffee after work, or lunch, whatever. If you do this, and before your mind/heart get you in over your head, then if she says no, it is no big deal - it was just coffee after work, right?

 

Good luck!

[the book boi]

The best cure for this is to get up the courage to ask someone out before you get infatuated. Then you can both become infatuated together

 

Thanks thats the perfect bit of consise advice! no more messing around... wish me luck, oh you already did!

 

[TBB]

[Mentor]

You made me smile

 

Incredible.

 

Thanks!

[Switch187]

Just on a side note, I wouldn't ask her out for a beer or drinks until your sure of things. Coffee and tea is a safer medium without having alcohol cloud what you (and her) want to say to each other. Plus it's a bit more relaxing and comfertable to go to a little coffee shop or something instead of a bar or resteraunt type place. I just think that a coffee afterwork would be a better invite then going out for some drinks, just because it doesn't seem so much as a "first date" situation (although they mostly are) and more like a "getting to know you" type of situation. Well anyways, best of luck and have fun.

[the book boi]

Just spreading the christmas cheer Mentor! and Switch you're spot on about the drinks i'm not the biggest drinker anymore, dont wanna let the booze confuse the little grey fellas i'm bad enough sober!

 

I know a nice little bar/cafe that does really good coffee with a chilled atmosphere, cool tunes but more as background noise, and not too far from work but also a little of the main streets... i've got the venue sorted its just the actual asking.

 

Another great example of my patented cart before horse thought process in action!

 

Hope you all have a great christmas or at least enjoy the time off work/university/school etc.

 

[TBB]

[Switch187]

Another great example of my patented cart before horse thought process in action!

 

Thats cool. Hey I had my whole "first" date planned down to every last detail 3 weeks before asking out my g/f. What's even worse is that we never even talked to each other yet, we only made eye contact a few times in class and exchanged a few smiles and "how are you" conversations. It wasn't until 2 days before I planned the "date" that I finally started to talk to her and asked her out (luckily we both had a huge crush on each other before knowing each other, so things worked out just fine). Anyways it's not a bad thing to have that type of thought process, but it's good to have a bit of spontinuity as well. Merry Christmas and have a safe (and sober for some) New Year.

[the book boi]

So today was the first time we had worked together since christmas. I decided that by the end of the day I was going to at least make it clear I liked her and at best actually have a date fixed up.

 

So at the end of the day i asked, as she was heading home (decided best this way as not so many ppl around and if it went badly the evening to get over it.)

 

it didn't go badly she seamed flattered, but at this point not 100% if we are gonna grab a beer or not. (after much thought if anything happens it will be over a beer just to prevent any nerves becoming an issue!)

 

I asked she said "like a date" I said "well more like a chance to get to know you better...but we can call it a date if you like"

 

she said she didn't know what to think or say (but was smiling) but then asked "when where you thinking" , and what follows was my moment of sheer genious(sp) (the fact i can't spell that says somthing.)

 

"oh somtime next week" - how cool am I! (i know i should have said a day anyday just a fixed day) im a moron!

 

anyway she then said that she'd "have a think" and i respnded "cool we can have a chat after the weekend"

 

then this was the weird thing... she said "thanks" as i was walking away i dont get that at all.

 

anyway all the time we were talking I thought that it went badly, it wasn't until i was walking home i realised that she said "when.." she asked me when i was thinking of us going out! i dont know if it means anything but if im trying to get out of somthing its the last question i ask. usually i only care when some proposed activity is if im interested in doing said activity!

 

either way it didn't go nuclear bang and even if she doesn't want to go "out" we should still be able to work together, that was a big worry!

 

but i feel in about the same position only slightly worse cause now she knows for sure... and THANKS, makes me think only negative things