If she likes me, what now?

[alguem]

Ok, so there's this cute woman who is attending the same weekly class as I am. When she first entered the room on the first day I noticed her, there was a second or two when we made eye contact and that was pretty much it. I don't even remember if something ever happened on the second class. But on the next week, I could see on the corner of my eye that she was looking at my direction and quickly looking away. She got up and left the room in the middle of the class and she looked back at my direction quickly before leaving the room, again I caught her doing that on the corner of my eye. The room is pretty small and there are only a few students, she was on the same line of chairs as I was and when the professor was in front of me she had her body turned to my direction, but we were a few chairs apart and there were a few other students between. Needless to say I get a bit nervous when looking back, but this is something I've been trying to improve. But at the end of the class I was getting up and I noticed she was standing also, I looked at her and she was looking at me, there was eye contact for a few seconds before she looked to the side lowering her head. Then everyone was chating for a minute or two after class and she was standing right in front of me but quickly left.

 

So now I'm all anxious wondering if she was really starting at me all the time and checking if I was checking on her. I get the feeling that she was and I really want to go talk to her. I've spent the last few months kind of devasted because of a breakup and it's finally time to move on. Plus, it's a master course so 99% of my time is spent on the university or at home studying, so I don't meet many people and I would hate to let another cute girl go without even trying. The thing is, how do I approach her on these conditions? It's not like we are in grad school anymore, everyone is an adult, she may even be a bit older than me... so things are a bit twisted up on my head. I only got to see her once a week on this class, she probably works outside of the university.

[katmarie]

Ask a small group to go for drinks after class. This way..it's not an official date so if there's no chemistry, it's not awkward when you see each other in class the next week. But it also gives you the opportunity to see her outside of class and get to know her, see if there is chemistry and interest.

[Mister Jones]

Don't approach her looking for a date. Approach her looking for someone to talk to. Then talk to her. You can talk to her about whatever you want, so long as it is relevant to her. Naturally you don't know her yet, so you don't know a lot of what is relevant to her. Observation is key. Maybe it's a shirt you noticed her wear that has a logo that you recognize. Maybe she has her nails done the same way you've seen your sister do them. Really, you just need to talk to her. You both happened to be running late and just barely made it on time. During a break, you are near her and you lean over and say "man I didn't think I was going to make it". She says giggles and says "me neither", you start talking about what made each of you late.

 

Does she talk to other people at all during breaks? Get close enough to hear the conversation. When you hear something that you can comment on, do so. It doesn't have to be something she says, just as long as you can get involved in a conversation that SHE is having. Through any of these, one of 3 things is going to happen. One, she doesn't like you and wants nothing to do with you, and runs away screaming and yelling "SOME CREEPY GUY TOTALLY JUST TALKED TO ME". Two, she does like you, and the more the two of you interact, the more apparent it will become until either she makes a move or you are comfortable enough with the information that you can make a move. Or three, there in fact is no chemistry, but you now have a friend, and will likely even enjoy the class a little more. Try to avoid the "hi I'm so and so" type of awkward approach. Cool, calm collected, and simple conversation will get you the information you're looking for with minimal risk of rejection or otherwise embarrassing disasters.

[alguem]

The thing is, as it is a master course, there's not such thing as "classmates". Everyone comes once a week, attend the class and go. There are no groups and tgere are no breaks! The professor talks for 3 hours and thats it... Sometimes people talk for a minute or two after class, but thats it. I could talk about lots of things with her if i had an excuse to approach her. We both are post grafuation students. But how do i approach her if i only have 2 min every week is where the problem stands.

[Iloveshyguys]

Can you get to class early, and sit closer to where she usually sits? And maybe over the course of a couple of weeks, be sitting right next to her? That way, you'll be close enough to pass her a note, if you don't get a chance to talk to her soon. Then you could just make the note ask if she ever wants to study together, or maybe say something funny about the professor or about the subject matter + then ask if she ever wants to get together for studying.

 

I know it sounds a little bit childish, but if she's interested in you, she'll think it's cute

 

Or--if the week that she left early was recent, you could offer her your notes from the last part of the class that she missed ...

[alguem]

I guess my options are as you said, getting to class earlier, finding some excuse to talk to her. The thing about not having a group makes things a bit harder to aproach her without pretty much saying that eventually i'm going to ask her out after all the staring. Although in the end I guess that this is exactly what she is expecting if she indeed likes me. But I wanted to be sure of those signs for some reason. I guess I'm developing a thing for her too by overthinking how to approach ahahaha.

 

Anyway, thanks for the tips =)

[alguem]

So the class happened and she was there. She passed right by me when she came and she said hello to a guy we both now and I was talking to at the time. She looked at me and kind of said that shy hi, it was a bit of a awkward moment but ok. So before the class we were talking about the subject and discussing books and such stuff, she was on the same group as I was, there was a normal conversation going on, we kind of talked to each other as if nothing happened. That's when I noticed the ring on her left hand. I thought I had noticed it on the first class but when all the staring happened I tried to see if I could see it again and I swear to god I didn't see it. So at first I just thought I was crazy. But then I saw it again and got all confused, I mean, I could tell that she was looking at me for the whole class and at the end we stared at each other for more than just a few seconds. What is that all about? I can't help to feel that she was just playing with me, kind of checking if she "still got it", even though she does indeed look young. I saw her looking at me on last class again and she did sat close to where I was sitting. Didn't have the chance to talk to her again after class though. So yeah, I just think I just wasted a reasonable amount of time overthinking about it. And I think I have developed a thing about her.

 

Maybe already time to move on?

[Mister Jones]

Maybe. It depends on how deep into the rabbit hole you want to go. The ring could mean many things. She could be happily married. She could be unhappily married. She could have recently lost a husband. She could be wearing it simply to weed out the idiots. In my opinion, you should keep talking to her. Keep an open mind. She is clearly interested in interacting with you so why not?

[Iloveshyguys]

I agree. You can still see if she wants to get together for studying, and then see what happens after that. It may not be a wedding ring ...

[alguem]

I thought It could not be a wedding ring. But she doesn't look like the type who would use it for other reason. And the thought that she is just playing with me springs to my mind. As far as my logic goes, she might even be attracted to me but "oh, sorry I'm married. I just don't want to waste time and energy.

 

But yeah, I'm not setting the stop now... let's what happens

[Mister Jones]

How's everything going with her? Anything new and exciting?

[alguem]

well, I was able to begin having conversations with her, silly stuff like "oh let me have a look at that book!" and "I'm having trouble figuring out this and that". She is all nice, she has no restrictions when talking to me, she does not try to keep it distant. So yeah, we are not total strangers anymore but nothing "exciting" has happened so far, but I'm interested.

 

I still notice she ocasionally looking at my my direction. The other day when she entered the class I looked at the door to see who was coming in, nothing serious, and she looked at me but looked down kind of quickly. I'm almost sure there was a smile though. But it is a bit annoying figuring her out, when our eyes cross, even if it is not on porpuse, she kind of looks away quickly leaving me wondering what is that all about. Me, she and some guy I know were talking before class the other day and I suggested that we should get together to study, the whole group, I'm not even sure if she agreed or not to be honest ahahaa. Everything seems to be different, like a bit "colder" than it was on the first day I really caught her looking at me, that day when I looked back she didn't looked away for a while. I'm trying to het into this body language thing, apart from looking at me when we are talking she usually has her body torwards my direction, even when talking with someone else. Usually crossed arms though. On the "first day" she was sitting on the chair turned to my direction like 90º from the blackboard. So I don't know, at the same time it seems that she is giving me signals and sort of avoiding me. I'm a bit lost here ahaha.

 

Plus, my whole life I was the one avoiding looking at someone in the eye. So this stuff is pretty new to me.

 

Anyway, I still even need to figure out what that ring stands for.

 

Cheers!

[alguem]

she didn't attend last class but some people were talking and I was finally able to get her full name. So yeah, obviously I went to facebook, and there she was in a bunch of picture with what it seemed at least a boyfriend. Couldn't tell if it goes beyond. So it made me all confused, I mean, it's like what have been said, she really seemed to be wanting to interact with me for some reason. And when we talked, it wasn't really ackward, I mean, despite having caught her looking at more than once and that "weird/intense" moment when we hold eye contact for way too long, she still wouldn't really avoid me or make it difficult to talk to her. She seemed really opened for conversations, really friendly, smilling and all, even though we just talked about class stuff. What is that all about? Nothing? As I said, this eye contact thing is new to me, but it gets to a point that it really means nothing? I knew all along she could be married for the ring on her hand, but still, it seemed to me that it wasn't just "nothing"... now I don't know anymore, it's like everything had absolutely no meaning, and I just waste my time thinking about it. Which kind of got me wondering again if she wasn't really playing with me.

 

I kind of feel bad for having created expecations but sice the beginning I thought she was cute and thinking about the stuff that had been going on made me feel atracted to her I guess. Plus, for the past 2 months I'm living in a new town, big town, studying 12 hours a day, so it gets a bit lonely... more than usual. So it's a bit of a let down in that matter also, the whole idea seemed to give some porpuse on all this somehow, idk.

 

Well, anyway... thank you all for listening to me!

[Iloveshyguys]

Hmmmn. Could be that her situation is complicated.

 

But whatever turns out to be the case, there are still some positive things that happened. You're getting comfortable w/ eye contact + talking to women that you're interested in. And--a lady that you're attracted to is also attracted to you (whether or not she is currently available).

 

It doesn't sound like she's playing with you, though. There must be more to the story. Hopefully someday soon you can learn more details ...

[alguem]

What you mean complicated? And yeah, it's good to realize someone is attracted to me. The thing about eye contact is still new to me though, i still need to figure out the patterns. Ahahaha

 

But anyway, guess i can still act as if i knew nothing and see where it goes. But all this situation makes it difficult to read her.

 

Anyway, how to be sure she isnt playing? To me thats still a matter!

[alguem]

So last class there was me and a couple of other guys talking in front of the room before is started. She came and passed by us, said hello and entered in the room. Didn't look directly at me. So I was like "ok, so that's it, that solve it all and I don't really have to worry anymore". But 1 min later she came out of the room, went to the bathroom for 2 more minutes and then came in our direction and started to talk directly with me. Asking how it was going with the subject and everything. So we talked for a few minutes, just the two of us, before the professor came. I kept trying to get signs from her. She sounded easy going, started the conversation, didn't mind it was just me and her, made eye contact, slowly she began to uncross her arms, lean her body towards me, letting her hair down when looking at me, etc. I mean that's the impression I was under. So when we entered the room, I couldn't get a sit next to her, so I had to choose somewhere else, which made it difficult to interact with her in any possible way. So by the end of the class, somehow we all (including the professor) ended up again in the front of the room talking about something really not related to the subject, just making conversation. She passed by us, went to the bathroom, came out, passed by me and when I looked at her to at least say "goodbye", she didn't look at me again.

 

So yeah, this is getting kind of silly, I'm not sure what anything means, and I don't have many opportunities to talk to her. So it's a bit confusing and I don't really know how to act ahahah even if it was for a few minutes, it was to me completely out of the blue when she came and talked to me.

[Mister Jones]

alguem,

I've been away from the computer for a while so I had to play a bit of catch-up. I honestly think you need to be patient with this one. Keep her close, but try not to let it get you too much in turmoil when she throws out some mixed signals. She isn't doing it on purpose. Based on the fact that you found on facebook what appears to be a significant other of sorts, combined with your description of her latest behavior, my guess is a relationship on the rocks. It is possible that she may be approaching a point in her relationship where she is not so happy as she used to be. She runs into you, likes you, but is being cautious due to her current, complicated situation. If that is the case, the approach I would suggest is to stay your course. Continue your interactions with her, continue to show your interest, and continue to build on your friendship. Chances are pretty good that you will eventually find her confiding in you as to her current situation. If that happens, listen to her. Don't let yourself be put off by the fact that she has confirmed a relationship, rather keep yourself available to her. Most of all, remember that she probably has some emotion swinging her in all different directions, so try not to read to deep into the little things, such as those nights when she leaves without looking at you. You're headed in a good direction, one which leaves you in a pretty good place no matter what the end result is.

[alguem]

Yeah I guess you're right, all I can do is keep acting naturally as if I knew nothing. To be honest it did already sprung to my mind what you said, people like to say they are happy, right? All those pictures might mean nothing at the end, but I'm not creating any expectations about this right now. The only worry I have in my mind is that I don't really have much time, this is her last semester, as she told me. I kind have to act quickly at the same time I have to be patient, any advice there would be great too! ahaha

 

Cheers

[alguem]

Ok, I could really use some help here. I kept acting acording to the plan, just letting things flow... Eventually we started to become a bit more comfortable around each other. Talking before and after class, I sit and she sits next to me, she tells me she's going on a trip soon (no bf mention). She initiates conversations, she looks at me every now and then, after one exam the other week she was all like "you're the only one who got that right!" (yeah, i've been working 24/7). This guy I know was talking to her when I wans't near and he asked if she knew who I was, he was only saying that we came from the same town, she knew who I was and knew my name which to be honest I've never told her before, she never asked...

 

Thing is, it is hard to schedule anything because everyone there works (including her), so it's difficult to meet, plus the groups isn't very close so even after class is incredibly hard to get everyone else to go for a drink or anything. And I'm afraid that if I just ask her out I'm just going to hear the usual "i have a boyfriend" story. Which I know that is true, but then again, you never know what is going on there.

 

And I can't stress this enough, I don't really have much time! It took quite some time to get where I'm now but this is was due to all of the circumtances...

 

And also again, I can't help start feeling paranoid that she's just laughing at me, I don't know how to get that answer, yeah I have trust issues, I've been there.

 

Anyway, any help now would be great.

 

Thanks!!