Please help I am desperate

[wwj]

Hi everyone. Please help me. My b/f of four yrs moved out without notice while I was gone. He did this two weeks ago. He moved rather far away. We had been having problems, but, he had always said that he would die without me. The problem is, he hasn't called in the entire two weeks. Do you think he will ever call, and how long will he take. When he left, he put a hurtful message on my answering machine, and thereforeeee, I cannot call him, b/c I would collapse if he would cuss me out the way he did on the message. Please tell me how long it takes for someone to call you

[DBL]

I don't think any of us can tell you when he is going to call. What I can tell you is talk is cheap. What one says one minute don't mean nothing the next, this is referring to him saying he will die without you.

 

Don't wait around for a call, start realizing that you are going to have to go through the healing process.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[Scout]

Yes, people can say one thing and do another thing that is altogether different. What exactly led to your break up? Does he have a history of being somewhat vengeful when he feels wronged?

[wwj]

yes, he has always been vengeful when we argued, but, he never in this relationship stopped calling me. Is it a ploy or is he over me? How do you determine that?

[Scout]

First of all, think about how he ended the relationship. That was an incredibly vengeful - not to mention cowardly - way to break up with you. And as you've indicated, vengefulness seems to be a pattern with him. It's also an incredibly destructive characteristic for any relationship.

 

If I were you, I would really, really stop wondering about why he hasn't called - and start analyzing other things he did in this relationship that were so hurtful. Is this really someone that was good for you, that added real stability and peace in your life?

 

I know you are hurting terribly right now. And that pain isn't going to go away over night. But I gently suggest you start opening yourself up to what the positives this break up might mean. For one thing, it could be a chance for you to put the focus back on yourself and your own personal growth.

 

It feels like the end of the world right now, I know. But very likely, it is an opening to a whole brand new world that down the line, has a great deal of lasting happiness in store for you. With a new person in it who would never do such an incredibly hurtful thing to you - someone who can handle conflict in a relationship in a positive way.