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This message is about my brother.


He has just moved in with me for a few days, and I find his presense to be most irritating. You're supposed to love your family, so I heard. And I believe that I do love him.


However I sometimes feel that we are just sooo incompatible. My brother isn't always honest to himself and to others. He just want to please other people so much. He pretends he knows, when he doesn't, pretends he understands when it doesn't, pretend he is interested when he isn't.


He has just decided to be vegetarian. Well, he is when he is with his girlfriend (whom converted him to it) be when he is with us, and someone asks them if he is vegeterian, he lies. Says he isn't. I find this habit of pretending weak. I also find it annoying, because I am often witness of his fake behaviour.


He is careful about others, the strangers. But when it comes to me, his brother, the true nature comes up. He is careless, disrespectful, argumentative and most importantly gets upset when you don't think like him. Does this sound strange to some people? If not all people?


Next time around, I think I'll punch him.



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Yeah... you're right. I don't want to use violence against him. I guess I was on a furious strike. You know how you sometimes say things but you don't really mean them? It's just so hard to discuss with him... oh well.


It wasn't that I was trying to control him or not, it was that he wasn't being honest about it. I was disappointed that he would lie to something so trivial as to being vegetarian just not to displease someone. Because, he has all those arguments when it comes to not eating meat and he gets pissed off when you don't agree with him. But when it comes to cold hard facts, when confronted to reality, he doesn't hold true to his word.


He said he was against killing anything with pain receptors. He said he would never kill insect. I asked him "That's all very nice to say in wonderland, but tell, what would you do if your appartment was infested with c-ckroaches? You would just live with them, as pets? (Not exactly common in North America)" Well he replied that he would break his engagement towards the owner, pay the fine for doing so, look for another place to stay, move all of his stuff and so on. Now, we both knew he was lying, nobody, except maybe a millionaire, would do such a thing. And my brother doesn't have much left at all.


This is what infuriates me, why does he try so much to be someone else that is not himself for others? I think this is why I don't feel confortable with him, I can never tell wether he is being himself or Mr Nice Guy. I feel insecure in that.


I think I've turned a few isolated events in something similar to a drama. I was very tired yesterday, and when I'm tired, I tend to see things differently, in a very theatrical sort of way.


I really try to get along with my brother, I know it's so important for my parents, but I sometimes feel we come from different planets. We're just so different.


He's leaving tomorrow. I don't really want him to leave, I would've like for us to get along better. But when he was there, I sometimes thought living with him was so annoying that I did wanted him to leave.


In other words, I do love him. He's always been very supportive of me. He is a great person with many many qualities. But personnality-wise, there are often clashes. Authenticity for me, is crucial. I think kindness is more important for him. Different valors, different points of view.


I guess this is something I will have to learn to live with.



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