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it all depends on how hurt she's been before.


Let me give you an example.


My father wasn't exactly the best role model in putting a good image for men out there in my book. I grew up thinking all men were cheaters and jerks. As I grew older I saw my mom have to failed marriages, my sister get cheated on and her husband leaving her, my brother cheated on my sister in law, my cousin got dumped by her ex fiancee, and my best friend got cheated on by her first true love.


Yea pretty scary huh?? So I always dated a lot, had lots of flings and whatnot. But the second I felt I "wow i could really fall for this guy" I would back away immidiately.


I put myself through some serious thinking and when my current boyfriend changed his university plans to stay close to me, i realized "i gotta let go of my fears and finally let myself love or i am going to miss out on someone very special"


so yes a lot of women will put their guard up when in fear of really being able to fall in love with somone.

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I'm actually currently in that situation. I recently ended my relationship with my bf of almost two years and I met (by complete coincidence) a really great guy...almost too good to be true. I'm picky when it comes to just about anything and he's everything I could ever ask for. I want to keep my guard up only because I don't know if he's being 100% truthful in the things he says or if he's just sweet-talking me. I'm scared to fall in love with him and in the end, he ends up walking out of my life. My case is a little different in that my father was a great role model. Sorry I can't really help you. All I can say, from my current experience, is that even though I'm trying to keep my guard up, I'm leaving a little room to see where things might lead with this new guy. If the girl really likes you, she'll do the same eventually. Just be patient and let her slowly trust that what you feel for her is true! Good luck! Keep us posted!

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exactly. the true way to win a woman's heart who may have her guard up too high like i did is to do something that will really prove her that you are not messing around. when my boyfriend changed his life upside down to stay with me and didnt expect anything back in return that was a big sign

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I think everyone has made really excellent points. Even as a guy, I've had people screw me over, and it totally makes me weary of commitment or letting myself open myself up for such possible punishment.


As for her, if you know she has this problem your already one step ahead of the game, a lot of guys don't find out this problem till its too late. Just take things slow, and don't make her feel pressured in anyway to reciprocate feelings. That doesn't mean that you let her treat you like poop, it just means you let her go at her own pace, whether it be emotional, verbal intamacy, touching, etc.


best of luck

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Yeah, then this definitely sounds like what this girl I am trying to talk to is doing. She actually told me she was guarding her heart because she got hurt this past summer. To me it seems as though she is sending mixed signals because it is so hot and cold. I backed off of this girl, a lot, I'm still nice and everything and still myself, even though she seems extremely nervous around me, but I backed off because she was so hot and cold. I feel I need to be patient. How long should I wait before I start asking her out again. Also, will I know when she comes around, and should I wait around for it. One last question. What are some other signals that this is what a girl is doing?[/b]

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See, this is tricky...because sometimes a girl used that "I am guarding my heart" as an excuse not to get involved...and sometimes she says that she is being careful but really DOES want to get involved and just wants to be open and honest with the guy about it as they are building a relationship.


I have used it both ways I admit. I have used it to basically say I do not want to get serious with YOU or don't want to see you anymore, or want to be friends. And I have also said it to a guy I am totally interested in, and I KNOW I am totally going to fall for, but am scared and just want him to know that we need to be patient and take our time...but I definitely want it to go somewhere and will put my self into it despite being a bit jaded and gunshy.


The only way you will know is to read her body language, as that speaks louder than words, as well as look at her actions. If she is not making moves to you, than I am afraid she may just not be interested enough...if she is making moves, she is definitely interested but does not want to make mistakes she made in past so is trying to do things right and take things slow.

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  • 2 weeks later...

..I think she will pull away from a guy.. I know I would.. I am in the middle of a VERY confused relationship.. and I know if it ends.. since we hace spent so much time, and are so commited to each other.. that. I could never trust anyone for a long time.. and I would pull away from another man

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