Best friend getting back together with his ex...

[Lizz]

Hi, I'm not feeling too good about a situation that's come up in my life...

Basically, my best friend is getting back together with his ex girlfriend and I'm (irrationally???) feeling jealous.

 

I guess I should take a minute to describ the relationship with him... We've been bestfriends since junior high I'm talking really close, we've allways gotten the whole "are you dating?" "when are you two going to date?" "When's the wedding?" sorta thing from most people. We've allways just flat out said no, or as of recentlly just joke around with it. I really do love him and I'm almost 100% positive it's just a friendly sort of love...

 

Ok, now about his ex. When they were going out, they were very serious and she was very jealous of me (and just about every other female on 2 legs) , to the point where it hurt his and mine relationship. We hardlly talked and almost never hung out. They had actually gotten into a big fight about it right before their break-up. He had made plans with me, then she wanted him to cancel, when he told me about it, I said it was OK and we could reschedule. I guess he saw how hurt I was by it, because he immediately called and cancled his plans with her and instead he hung out with me, she was NOT very happy about it. Their break-up wasn't very pretty she just stopped calling him, changed her number and flat out refused to speak to him, WITHOUT giving my friend any explaination.

 

About 6 months ago they started talking again. While he had gotten over her, it turned out that she was still in love with him. So they started hanging out and talking more, but he and I stayed close in fact I'd say we've grown closer. Everytime he would talk to her, as soon as they were done he'd call me and give me the play by play and asked what I thought. I don't really know why he'd allways call me after talking to her, I just assumed he wanted the fem view on things.

 

The other night he called me, the convo went Like this:

Him: I think Lisa and I are gonna get back together

Me: Oh

Him: Well?

Me: well what?

Him: Well, what do you think about that?

Me: you guys have been hanging out alot recently, I figured you would, I guess it's pretty cool.

Him: cool

Me: ya gonna ignore me again?

Him: huh?

Me: Last time you like completely ignored me

Him: yeah sorry about that [laughs] I'll try not to let that happen again

Me: (I was starting to feel a bit upset by it so I started to joke around) Just remember I'll be much nicer about being stood up.

Him: [laughs] Oh really?

Me: yeah I'll just beat you up

 

*sigh* I don't know why I feel so bad about this. It's like "HE'S MINE AND YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM". I know eventually he's gonna have to choose between me and her, and I guess I also know that he will choose her. That kinda bothers me, I mean i fully expect that she becomes his priority and I guess a part of me would even be upset if she wasn't. I really love this guy, but I don't know if it'd be worth it to put myself through all the turmoil. Would it be better to just walk away? Am I being upset about this for no reason? I want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to worry him over something so trivial. I just don't know what to do... Any ideas???

 

Confused,

Lizz

(sorry for being so long winded)

[Joanne85]

First I think you need to really think about this love you have for him and make sure its no feelings mixed up in it more than friends would have for one another. If you come out knowing that the love you have for him is the same love you would have for any other close friend, then talk to him, tell him exactly how you feel about the situation. You fear of losing his friendship, and that you want nothing to change between you and him. Tell him that you want your time with him as well. After being so close to someone for a long period of time its hard to except someone new in their life, someone who may get more of their time then you. Not saying your jealous of their relationship. The best solution to this problem is to talk to him and tell him everything you feel about his relationship with this girl. Let him hear and make him see your point of view on things. Let him know how hurt you were last time he began ignoring you for her. Im sure he will understand.

[Lizz]

Thanks a bunch for the reply, I'm going to talk to him this weekend, we're supposed to go christmas shopping together, we'll probally stop somewhere for coffee... but again Thanks alot for the reply now I don't feel like I'm just going insane anymore!

Lizz