im really quite messed up aren't i.........

[unexpectedvictim57]

when i say messed up i mean in the head, cause others don't think my life is that bad.......... k first of all i cut, and my friend hates me for that........ then i figured out that i love to punch myself, like in the leg for example, over and over, and the thing i want more than anything in the whole world, is to be anorexic and bulemic........ more than anything, i want an eating disorder......... wtf is wrong with me people??

[the lone soldier]

truthfully it just sounds like your looking for attention

something in your life has had to affect you deeply for you to feel this way and the only way you can stop yourself from wanting to do that stuff is to find whats bothering you and resolve it in some way.

 

i hope i have helped you in some way

[SaSaRai]

gosh thats strange... sometimes people have some obsurd cravings... but i agree with the lone soldier.

[unexpectedvictim57]

omg, no effin way........ i do not want people to know so how am i doing it for attention? the worst thing is thta people would know, that is why i am coming here....... i waas thinking that something was wronf in my head, because i want these things so much........ one leg is cut up, one leg is bruised up, and i want an eaing disorder........ and i don't want anyone to know. are you saying that i only want attention from you, why would i care??

[aelynnryelis of greensky]

i dont think its that..... i've gone through almost the same thing but i was a little worse. i tried to kill myself three times. and your right, attention is the last thing you want. i've lurned to controle it but my thoughts get pritty f***ed up sometimes. i know this hasnt helped you but i hope you know there are ppl out there who have the same problems and not just a bunch of shrinks out to tell you that you have a problem. and if you want to talk your more than welcome to contact me.but thats only if your up to it.well... yeah i hope i helped or yeah if you think your mest in the head just know your not the only one

[unexpectedvictim57]

thanx alot, i guess tahts what i wanted to hear. and no i havn't yet tried to kill myself, to be truthful i do't have the guts to do it, or i think i pobably would..........

[SaSaRai]

maybe try seeking professional help , has anything happened in your life that really left a mark , that bothers you and stays on your mind?

[unexpectedvictim57]

no not really, which is why its weird. nothing really happened, unless the death of my grampa two years ago has somehting to do with it. its not always onm y mind, and i don't really think that its that, but i might be feeling some guilt that i could've saved his life...... and no way is professional help egtting involved....... im sorry no one else suggest that ok?

[aelynnryelis of greensky]

those ppl only listen to your problems because they get paid for it. i mean think about it , their paid to tell you that you have problems and who knows they probably go home to a f***ed up home. i went to people who had the same problem because i know that they know what i'm going through and they'll actually listen to me. i am glad you havent thought of killing yourself. at least i know your not that bad. and i think the reason you want a eating disorder is because your selfcontious about you weight. i was the same way but thats no fun so dont try it.

 

i remember it wasnt that long a go but i was sitting in my 6th period class and my friend had his head down on the desck. after a couple of minutes i looked over and he was crying. iwasnt sure what happened between that time but he had a total brake down and he started cutting himself with a razor.his arm was covered in blood and tears streemed down his face. it hit me like a ton of bricks and i wanted to cry to. but i didnt i leaned over and took the razor from him and in that proces my hand got cut up. then i wiped the blood from his arm and waited until the bell range. as soon as we got out side i gave him a hug and told him to stop hurting himself. i held on until he promised me that he wouldnt hurt himself and then i let go. i started to cry but i stoped my self and i went on. i havent seen him for months and i'm not sure if he's ok but i know that if he died from that then i would feel so guilty fo it.

 

i hope that it gives you a better understanding about things.

[Gunther]

Well, I have not read all of the previous posts, but there is obviously an underlieing cause for your problems. To you it should be obvious, but you must be able to be honest with yourself. I have had similar problems. Not ones that I've posted here however. It may just be a phase your going through. However I think that it will pass with time. My advice in the mean time is to just not act on these impulses. Don't cut and dont hit youself. No good can come of that.

[SaSaRai]

Hmm... well just a suggestion... but maybe you have something like "bi-polar" , I hear that can make you act like the way you are and for no reason at all. Its just random.....

[unexpectedvictim57]

ya i actually think that i do have bipolar........ i have alot of violent mood swings so peple think im faking the whole depression thing because i'll be happy, then i'll like start to cry and be depressed in a matter of seconds.......... and then i'll just have to cut...... like need to...... even if i had a wonderful day....lol.......... i get home and i need to cut..... and anyone have any stories on if they got caught with razors at school....... i wanna bring one,,,,,,, but i don;t wanna get found out!!