how do i take a break from him

[excelalways]

i have a boyfriend that makes me very happy, but lately i have wanted to date around and see other people.

 

i post on here all the time, and i may have actually asked the same thing a while back. but bear with me.

 

we have been together for almost two years. i'm 18 and he is 17. we are both very heppy, except i don't want to spend my youth this way. there are many times that i would like to go out by myself and meet someone and just hang out. or maybe go hang out with a guy from school.

i don't want to be tied down while i have time to date. i lvoe him very much, and i don't want to lose him. but i think that somewhere down the road i WILL do something stupid (cheat) and i really will lose him forever.

 

i've told him how i feel (well...to an extent, not entirely) but he doesn't seem to understand. i would just like some time to myself. and he realized that the both of us would probably get very jealous and mad. but i would like to work on that. i am not asking him to stop talking to me. ijust want to do what i want while i have time to do it. i really don't want to screw up somewhere down the road.

 

**example. a friend of mine ((well--we may have a little more interest in each other than that- but i don't know)) wanted to do something with me sometime. he asked to take me to dinner, and i can't do it because of my boyfriend. i don't know what to do

 

please tell me, is this wrong?

and if not, how do i tell him?

please helpme!

[Beec]

It's not wrong.

 

I have problems with the whole idea that seems very prevalent among people under 20. The idea that is out there is that once you go on two dates with someone, you are somehow committed. You jsut don't want to be committed at the moment, and that is understandable, you're 18. There is a lot of time ahead of you.

 

But you need to tell him, and I don't see any easy way of doing that. You just need to someohow come to an agreement that you can see someone else, but set limits on what you can or cannot do. What will bother him too much if he knew, etc.

[vicki]

Hi,

I sent you a pm quite awhile ago (the last time you posted about this). I explained that I was on the receiving end of the feelings you are having.

 

That said, if you are really set on wanting to go out with other people, it is only fair to break up with him. Do NOT expect him to be around if you ever want to get back toghether, though.

 

My ex wanted the same space after a 2 year relationship (and we are both 18, as well). After 2 months of space, he has realized it is not what he expected, and wanted to try things again. We are in the process of seeing what happens, but I (as the dumpee) am having problems trusting him again, and don't even know if I want to get back together again. So be prepared that your boyfriend might feel the same way.

 

Be prepared to lose him. You cannot have your cake and eat it too. If you still think it is worth it, go for it. But it is unfair to your boyfriend to keep him in this limbo...it is AWFUL being there...I know!

[Beec]

I think one of the things that is tough to realize is that he knew he was risking losing you too. In other words, he had to know that the possibility existed that he would never date you again. But then he did. At your age, it's awful tough being committed for a long time. Normally, you see couples date, then break up. And sometimes, they get back together. It seems that she wants to see him, continue seeing him, but does not want to know she is committed to seeing only him. And she knows, she loves him and wants to keep him, but needs to see something else too.

 

I think both knew that they were risking something and took that chance, because not knowing might be worse.

[excelalways]

thank you all for your replies.

 

but i still have about 32,876,376 questions.

i do really love him, and i could honestly see myself marry him, but i am not ready for that now. i still want to have a chance to date, but i'm so afraid to lose him. i want BOTH of us to date other people, and i don't want us to hate each other for it. i would really like to even date him too.

i don't want to fele like i am stuck with him because i am afraid. and i do not want to break up with him to sleep around (just incase that's what anyone was thinking).

[Beec]

If you are going to try to tell him, then you need to be honest with him and use words like you have used.

 

The simple fact is you are just not ready to be committed, and you want to make sure before you do committ.

 

I think one of the other things to tell him is that you don't want to regret not dating someone else ever or resent him when you are thirty for not having done that.

[vicki]

'I think one of the things that is tough to realize is that he knew he was risking losing you too. In other words, he had to know that the possibility existed that he would never date you again. But then he did. '

 

Yes....I totally realize he knew this, but I do not think he realized at the time that he would change his mind...that is what I wanted to make sure the poster realized. Our situations are SO similar..... we loved each other, it was a wrenching decision for him (or at least so he said), and it only took him about 6 weeks to realize how awful he felt....

 

The poster has every right to date who ever she wants to at this age. But I wanted to let her know how much it hurts the other person, and how your trust is compromised in the process. I think she needs to date others or she will always be wondering.

 

As natural as it is to date around at this age, it is also natural to try your hand at a long term relationship. If you start to feel smothered, you need to go ahead and date others. But he WILL be hurt..it is human nature. And she needs to be prepared for the very real possibility of losing him.

[Beec]

and I hope vicki that you see that he is back because he really wants to be abck. If he doesn't, don't let him get back.

[vicki]

and I hope vicki that you see that he is back because he really wants to be abck. If he doesn't, don't let him get back.

 

Beec,

 

This is just what I am going through now. I have not let him back yet. we are talking, and that is it. It will take ALOT to actually get me back. It is so hard to undue the damage.[/b]