nice guy

[sf]

I am good looking, intelligent and funny....yet I cannot pick up women. Women think I am a nice guy! Aggh....can any of you give me a few tips on how to lose this image? I hate it...and funny thing is that I am not a nice guy at all!

[ReadyorNot]

why ARENT you a nice guy?? Its actually really important to be a nice guy.. just dont be so nice that you get walked all over....

[mahlina]

Everyone has their own preference. Personally, I prefer a guy who's nice over a guy who's not. Nice guys are more attractive to me. At least they're easier to talk to, seem more compassionate, and deep down inside, they seem to have a lot more fascinating things to say. I've been around guys who try to put on this machoman image. They are nothing but a complete turn off for me. I just didn't dig that kind of meathead mentality. Try to hold up a conversation with them. Most of the times, it's the arrogance that turns me off.

 

When a guy's nice, it just shows that he's strong. It takes a strong person to be a nice person, I think. Here's a quote that I love, "Compassion is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength." So, if you are nice, continue on being you, and don't allow people to change you. The world needs a lot more compassionate invdividuals. Btw, I don't know if you ever watch those reality shows on TV, it just disgusts me how people try to buy into this image that being vicious is what makes people respect others. Whatever happened to people being proud of doing good deeds, and being compassionate individuals in general? I know that there's a limit to being nice, but I notice that shift in people's mentalities these days. It's a common trait that I see in a lot of people from where I live. I dig chivalry over cut-throatedness anyday. If anything, I respect people who are nice, rather than those who try to throw on this competitive image. When I see that in someone, I lose respect fast. Just my opinion...

[Scout]

Maybe women sense your desperation. Maybe they sense you are simply interested only in "picking them up." Maybe they sense you are indeed, not a nice guy.

 

If no one is ever interested in you, yes, it's time to do some intense self-examination.

[guy40az]

Well if you're not really a nice guy then why do you put on the act that you are. You should be yourself women can tell you're putting on an act. So if I were you I would just be myself all the time it's a lot easer then trying to be someone you are not all the time.

 

It really seems funny to me how if you be your self around everyone and just let things happen how many dates you can get.

[mahlina]

Good advice Guy40az. He's right! Women can easily sense phonyness in a guy. Always be true to who you are.

 

This reminds me of an incident, in which I can tell if a person's truly nice. For instance, when I'm out on a date with a guy, and he suddenly hands over a dollar bill to a homeless person, I can tell if he means to or not. If he doesn't mean it, then I get a little creeped out. It's the little things that a person says that also matches up with their actions behind their intentions.

 

So, if it's in your nature to be nice, then do so. But, if you don't like to, then don't. There's always a person for everyone. Just because someone's preference is for one kind, then it doesn't mean that it will be the same preference for everyone. Remember to always be you. The person who loves you should accept you for all that you are. Hope this helps.

[thatguy04]

Wow, you sound just like a friend I have. He's really interested mostly (if not only) into picking up girls. However, those girls only see him as a 'nice guy' or a 'good friend', and he doesn't like it. This is what I tell him (which is also probably some stuff people on this post have already said ):

"Don't make up a personality, just be yourself. And all relationships usually start as good friendships, so let it grow from their. And if you are a nice guy, use it to your advantage . And don't worry if you don't pick up any girls yet, you still have your college years (I don't know if this applies to you )"

[bzborow1]

This is actually a really interesting question for me as well. Being too nice also has it's put offs, I mean if all you're doing is complementing her she'll start to form an impression as though she's better then you. Well perhaps not that as much as the neediness that may imply, thus...she's too good for you. I guess it's probably just trying to find a balance between being nice and maintain your own power, self-control, and confidence.

 

As far as the "just be yourself" that's great and all, but what if the you that's around right now just isn't working?? Some guys just naturally get women in spades, and others don't, but that doesn't mean you can't learn new behaviours and apply them in a way that's "you". Like learning a new skill. I mean come up with an initial introduction, try it out, see how the initial reaction is, etc...To get you started I like saying something like, "you look like you have this energy about you and I just had to come meet you"....go from there. Or if she's got something unique about her point it out, "those boots are just really cool...." anything to get the initial contact.

 

So my suggestion in response to the often said, "just be yourself" is. Don't let your mind create limitations on yourself. If you're afraid, play with your fear...make a game of it. Just tell a friend to come up with a line, no matter how cheesy, and just go do it....