How do you gather your pieces and move on

[darkja25]

Just how do you do it. How do you let go of someone you thought was the one. Do i just pretend i never met her do i pretend i will feel as happy again although i never felt like that before in my life? And the thoughts of her being with someone else and being happy while im stuck in this rut for months crying myself to sleep almost every night. I feel empty. I tried hanging out with friends i tried hobbies i tried dating. I just feel empty and i cant enjoy anything. My mind always finds a way to remind me of her. The things we did together the things we talked about her smile, her smell everything. I just cant seem to move on i need some sort of motivation

[surfjon]

Darkja....

 

Your question has many factors to consider...

How long were you together?

Are there children involved? How old where you when you got together? Was this one of your first relationships?

Why did the breakup occur? Etc.....

 

No, you don't pretend you never knew her....even if you were able to, and you aren't...the memories both good and bad help define who we are as a person and what our boundaries and wants and needs are. Without the memories and experiences, we'd repeat the same mistakes over and over.......

 

In 2007 my wife of 20 years walked away...we had 2 kids.

 

We'd been together for 25 years total, she was 17 and I was 19 when we met.

 

Time and how young we were when we met were what killed us. We also put so much time into our careers and the kids, we forgot about "us", the couple we were when we were young got digested along the way. By the time we realized it, it was too late....

 

She'd probably been preparing herself to leave for years before she actually did........But I hadn't...

It hit me so hard, and I know the feelings you're feeling....I was suicidal in the beginning, I was desperate...pleaded...begged....everything.....

 

then found Ena, started LC and trying to get past that initial hurt that is so brutal.....

 

We never reconciled, she refused to try, so after about a year, I started dating a girl that I've been with 5 years now.

I can say truthfully 5 years out, that I am emotionally over my first wife, it took me about 3 years to not feel the desire and hurt from the loss, but now when I look back, it was best for us. I now know that, and we both are friendly and remember the good times and the bad..................

 

I'm now going thru the breakup of the relationship I've been in for 5 years now, and although its hard, and I'll miss her, I know it's for the best and that I'll live on and love again....

 

Peace to all who suffer...

[daddids]

If a man made it through a divorce including kids and a 25 year marriage then i guess everyone can.

 

You cannot wipe her off your mind, even if you tried. Memories will always remain, the feelings attached to them will erase as time will go by. When my first gf dumped me after 3,5 years i was devastated, cried and suffered. My friends supported me more than you can imagine and some months (~4) later I reached a point of acceptance.

 

I told myself that we are not meant to be together, we had a good relationship but its over now, I will always love her but I do not deserve to be this mess. Out of nowhere another girl showed up and all I could think of was her, well it did not last long but you get the point.

 

The moment you accept how things are ( and not how you want them to be ) then you will only start healing.