Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I broke up with my ex about a month ago, we began talking again about a week later because had some of my personal belongings...I told myself that we were fine being just friends but a week later he telling me loves me and he wants to see me and take things slow, a couple weeks go by things are ok, then I feel him kind of pulling away. I stay LC until this past Friday he asks me to come over and watch a movie like a dummy I did, I left feeling very used. We didnt talk that whole day. I call him the next morning and we got into a conversation about us, he tells me he isn't ready for a relationship because finiciancially he is struggling, and needs to put himself first. I haven't talked to him since, I have been crying all day mostly mad at myself but hurt because he did this to me knowing all the things I had been through in the past he had me thinking we were getting back together. I broke up with him for valid reasons, lying to me, not caring about our relationship etc. but now I'm left hurt again. How do I deal with this.. I can't stop crying . He doesn't know I'm upset, but this the first morning he hasn't said goodmorning or anything so I'm kind down ... Any advice will help, thanks Link to comment
MapleCanuck Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 You need to accept your breakup and go no contact. A breakup hurts, but moving does happen. It doesn't happen when your sharing texts/calls with an ex! You have to let go. Move on and deal with the loss of the relationship. It's easy to miss the companionship, sex, etc. You'll find there are some amazing people out there. Go find one. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Red - this guy has been bouncing you back and forth since you started dating (or at least as of your first thread in September). When are you going to put this goof behind you and move on? You're only hurting yourself holding on to this guy Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Red - this guy has been bouncing you back and forth since you started dating (or at least as of your first thread in September). When are you going to put this goof behind you and move on? You're only hurting yourself holding on to this guy Your right everytime I seem to move on or try he just comes back. It's hard because I miss him and I'm just confused.. It's actually been since December. Today was really hard knowing that we aren't getting back together reality set in Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 Your right everytime I seem to move on or try he just comes back. It's hard because I miss him and I'm just confused.. It's actually been since December. Today was really hard knowing that we aren't getting back together reality set in A. - You allow him to come back by continuing to interact with him. B. - What could possibly miss so much thats worth being this hurt? C. - Do you really believe things are going to all of a sudden change? By your threads he has NEVER been into this relationship. I dont know how you can even say "Get back together" when all your threads say you were never really together in the first place Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 A. - You allow him to come back by continuing to interact with him. B. - What could possibly miss so much thats worth being this hurt? C. - Do you really believe things are going to all of a sudden change? By your threads he has NEVER been into this relationship. I dont know how you can even say "Get back together" when all your threads say you were never really together in the first place The threads your reading may be about my past. I dated him we just broke up in December Link to comment
rocko123 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think it's about time you got pissed. He's sending mixed messages and jerking you around. Is that something you'd expect or want from someone who loves you? Right now you're grieving and probably a little depressed. This may have something to do with repressed anger. Get to the bottom of that and you'll get the emotional distance you need to get away from him. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think it's about time you got pissed. He's sending mixed messages and jerking you around. Is that something you'd expect or want from someone who loves you? Right now you're grieving and probably a little depressed. This may have something to do with repressed anger. Get to the bottom of that and you'll get the emotional distance you need to get away from him. How do I do that with no communication with him? Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 The threads your reading may be about my past. I dated him we just broke up in December 8/31/12 "Am I being strung Along?" Pretty much same thing you describe in this thread 9/15/12 "Should I say goodbye' 10/8/12 "is he interested?" 1/1/12 "I feel a break up coming on" 1/3/12 "broke up with my boyfriend" - This is the one where you say he lied about everything from his age to where he lived EVERYONE of these threads has the same storyline, he was never involved in this relationship like you were Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 I think it's about time you got pissed. He's sending mixed messages and jerking you around. Is that something you'd expect or want from someone who loves you? Right now you're grieving and probably a little depressed. This may have something to do with repressed anger. Get to the bottom of that and you'll get the emotional distance you need to get away from him. Actually, his message isnt mixed at all, its the same as its always been. She just chooses to ignore it Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 8/31/12 "Am I being strung Along?" Pretty much same thing you describe in this thread 9/15/12 "Should I say goodbye' 10/8/12 "is he interested?" 1/1/12 "I feel a break up coming on" 1/3/12 "broke up with my boyfriend" - This is the one where you say he lied about everything from his age to where he lived EVERYONE of these threads has the same storyline, he was never involved in this relationship like you were The last two are about him. Thx Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Actually, his message isnt mixed at all, its the same as its always been. She just chooses to ignore it His message is mixed your talking about different ppl.. I dated this guy October to December, we were together. So please if you aren't here to give me advice, I'm looking for advice not to be Critezied . Thank you Link to comment
rocko123 Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 How do I do that with no communication with him? Actually, the best way to work through your anger is to put space between you. If/when you do, you're going to find out a few things: 1. Anger is a secondary emotion. There's something behind it that is driving you to it and that has NOTHING to do with him. It all comes from you. 2. Some of your anger is with yourself. You are letting these things happen on a certain level, whatever that might be for you. Forgive yourself and gain the strength that you need to just you for a while. Link to comment
Edmund Exley Posted February 11, 2013 Share Posted February 11, 2013 No one is trying to criticize you, just pointing out that this guy is not good for you. OK, the last one clearly indicates that he lied to you about his age and where he lived. Who does that? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 11, 2013 Author Share Posted February 11, 2013 Actually, his message isnt mixed at all, its the same as its always been. She just chooses to ignore it I know it sounds like I'm dumb but before I found out about it. I had feelings for him,everytime I try to get over them he pops up. In reality I still want him to want me so he can realize what he lost. Now I have been used and don't know to deal, so I'm bummed out because as you can tell from past post this is a reacurring thing with me. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 2nd day of no contact feeling down, need advice Link to comment
rocko123 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 What's got you down? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 I'm just confused mostly the week before everything was fine, them he started to pull away , then he was fine , now because he isn't financially steady he isn't ready for a relationship which is understandable, but he knew that last week and the week before. Now I haven't received on text or phone call since Sunday. It's a hard adjustment so far. We said we would keep in touch but nothing Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 What's got you down? I'm just confused mostly the week before everything was fine, them he started to pull away , then he was fine , now because he isn't financially steady he isn't ready for a relationship which is understandable, but he knew that last week and the week before. Now I haven't received on text or phone call since Sunday. It's a hard adjustment so far. We said we would keep in touch but nothing Link to comment
rocko123 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 So what do you want from this guy? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 So what do you want from this guy? I wanted to be with him, I just feel like all the work I did this past week the steps we made, the talking was for nothing Link to comment
rocko123 Posted February 12, 2013 Share Posted February 12, 2013 Do you still want to be with him knowing he doesn't want to and/or can't be with you? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 12, 2013 Author Share Posted February 12, 2013 Do you still want to be with him knowing he doesn't want to and/or can't be with you? The feelings are still there I'm just confused, how could he just lose feelings like that in a couple of days. I still care for him and I don't understand why this can't work Link to comment
FreeFallFeelin Posted February 13, 2013 Share Posted February 13, 2013 The feelings are still there for YOU, not him. You're basically still addicted to this person, taking a dose when you can, and wondering why you're still addicted. You left for good reasons, no you just have to have the willpower to do what you know you must do, and that is to stay away from him. Anyone that says "I don't want a relationship due to finances" is trying to find a way to say "I'm not interested, at all" without dealing with an emotional confrontation. I imagine that if you continue to allow this sort of in, sort of out situation, he will eventually either get tired of it and turn nasty on you, or he'll find another girl and you will be suddenly and completely cut off. Protect yourself from the inevitable. You started the breakup, now carry through with it. The feelings are still there I'm just confused, how could he just lose feelings like that in a couple of days. I still care for him and I don't understand why this can't work Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 13, 2013 Author Share Posted February 13, 2013 The feelings are still there for YOU, not him. You're basically still addicted to this person, taking a dose when you can, and wondering why you're still addicted. You left for good reasons, no you just have to have the willpower to do what you know you must do, and that is to stay away from him. Anyone that says "I don't want a relationship due to finances" is trying to find a way to say "I'm not interested, at all" without dealing with an emotional confrontation. I imagine that if you continue to allow this sort of in, sort of out situation, he will eventually either get tired of it and turn nasty on you, or he'll find another girl and you will be suddenly and completely cut off. Protect yourself from the inevitable. You started the breakup, now carry through with it. It actually made me cry to read that but it's true, he doesn't care for me, for whatever reason. Link to comment
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