Spiteful, rash and angry

[maysan]

I'm 20 going on 21 this year. I just got out of a relationship and have done a lot of reflection.

I used to be a nice, reasonable and kind person. However, after I got into a relationship, I became very afraid of getting hurt and in the process, there were many horrible things I did to my ex. I was spiteful, unforgiving, bitter and angry over the smallest things. He treated me well but nothing seemed enough for me because I was so afraid of getting hurt. I have to say though, when I say or do spiteful things to him and see him get hurt, I feel so guilty and want to change and wish I could take it all back. I wish I wasn't so rash.

I just want to be the person I was before. How do I find myself again? How can I stop being spiteful and bitter? I really want to change and improve myself. I wish I were more forgiving.

[pippy longstocking]

well your half way there darling

 

 

you have accepted and acknowledged what you do ..how that affects someone , suffered the guilt ..and come on here to change it ...thats fab , honestly it is ..and tells me so much, that as you said ...this isn't the person you want to be ..so a great starting block ..

 

you have to learn self control ..that maybe walking away from a situation that makes you feel like you will attack ...taking time to let your anger subside and then looking at the situation again ....

 

getting hurt is part of our journey I am afraid ..it would be very rare to meet a person who says they have sailed through life and not had a worry or felt despair every now and again ..or a lot .

 

you will never find a situation that will make you feel 100% secure , again it is the same for all of us ..

 

but we learn to let our fears take only 10% of our joy ...and in my mind that is healthy enough ..or you end up been the opposite ..getting walked all over and not prepared when you do run into people who will hurt you .

 

I would certainly stay single for a while to get your head together ...one of the biggest challenges any of us have is letting go of past hurts and fear , and accepting that man b wont hurt you like man a did etc etc ...you have to take each new person you meet along the way as though they are a blank canvas ..not already painted with the potential to destroy you , because in actual fact ...you are the one who hasn't got a blank canvas ..