Early Mornings with Vek

[Guest Vekta408]

Admittedly, I was a little apprehensive about joining a forum for the sole purpose of posting a journal. No, it never seemed like a worth while activity for me even though it’s supposed to be a good exercise according to some of my psychology professors. Why not? And more importantly, who am I?

 

Well for starters, sometimes a thought sounds good at the time but then I read it again later and end up saying to myself “ Oh my gawd, what the hell was I thinking?” It gets crumpled up and thrown in the waste bin from there. Their are other reasons but that’s the main one.

 

Who am I is always the hardest part of joining any forum, at least for me. It seems like every time I find a new hobby or something else I’m interested in I go join a forum about said topic. To be honest I’m kind of tired of doing an intro thread. Why here? Why this forum then? Oh this is where the “who am I” comes in…sort of.

 

My online Alias is Vekta… “Vek-ta”...or "Vek" for short. It eventually gets asked, “what is a “vekta” and where is that from?” The short of it is, it’s made up. It’s a factious planet in the Alpha Centauri star system. I have social anxiety, still unofficially diagnosed due to the fact that I never had health insurance that covered that even when I did have health insurance. I went to counseling for other reasons and (fortunately) it was decided that putting me on some kind of medication would have hurt me a lot more than help me. It must have been around 10 years ago now and I lived with it for over a decade. It turned into disabling anxiety attacks in college and I eventually ended up using Kava to control it in place of some kind of benzodiazepine. It’s helped immensely but I still have bad days.

 

Social Anxiety has always affected my ability to have intimate relationships. It was very confusing before I had any idea why I am the way I am. Things don’t feel so…forced…anymore. Still, it gets lonely inside my shields, kava induced sedation or not. Talking to people (women) isn’t the problem. I have several close friends that are beautiful women. Beyond that the entire idea feels so unfamiliar and awkward to me. It’s actually a little frightening to me. It takes a few years for me to even see someone in that way. I could go on and on about it but hopefully you get the picture well enough. I guess it’s kind of ironic I should end up posting on this forum. I really don’t have any interest in seeking romantic advice. Maybe that’s just my social anxiety talking, I don’t know.

 

Welp, with that having been said I'll end by saying “hello regulars of the Journals sub-section”. Today is my first day of a new college semester. Hopefully I will actually post in this thing since I can’t seem to keep a journal on paper to save my life.

 

-Vek