How do I make friends?

[Pinklocks]

Hi!

 

So this is something that has been going on a long time, it's always been difficult for me to make friends but particularly recently I's been impossible. Last year I started, for some reason, losing all my confidence. I was still talkative, fun and excited but I was really awkward around people, I was always doubting myself and feeling stupid whatever I said. I thought it was just because the people at my school weren't very nice so I moved and now I have exactly the same problem, only now I know it's me because the people at my new school are all good nice people. I just don't know how to make friends. I can get along fine with people, have a conversation, have a laugh but it never progresses. I can never turn acquaintances into friends, and I don't know how to.

 

So please, I need your help. Don't tell me to keep doing what I'm doing and after some time it will work because I know from experience that it doesn't. Also please don't give me broad advice like "listen more"' "help more" or anything like that because I already try my best to be the best kind of friend. I listen, I can be fun and intersting, I'm caring and I would never let anyone down. So please, possibly step by step how do I make friends and more importantly how do I make people what to be my friend. I'm starting uni next year and I'm so scared I'll be all alone.

[LonelyGirl10]

Making friends is kind of like dating, in my opinion. I recently moved to a new town where I didn't know anyone. I'm socially shy, so it was hard to meet people. What I started doing was just introducing myself to people. I've had lunch or dinner with a ton of new people recently. Most of them never turn into an actual friendship. But I've had one or two that have gradually turned into a friendship. The key is just talk to as many people as you can, and you'll likely "click" with at least one of them.

 

I don't think you can force a friendship though. Sometimes you just don't click with people. You have to find the right type of person that your personality clicks with.

 

As for actually developing the friendship, I don't think there's any real strategy. If it's someone you can be friends with, you probably won't have to try very hard. It sounds like to me that you're just meeting the wrong people right now, and trying to force it.

[laninaperdida]

It seems like you want technical advice...

 

1. Improve your appearance.

If you're unattractive people will write you off @ 1st glance more easily than if you look rocking in a dress.

(A girl may approach you as to where you got said dress. I always get asked where I get my nails done.)

 

2. Join a sports team. Preferably co-ed.

You don't have to be great. In fact, if you're not a great player, but have a lot of heart people respect that & guys just want to come on over & show you how to take a shot on net. It can be difficult to find teams if you don't have a social circle so call around & join as a free agent.

 

3. Get all dolled up & sit @ a coffee shop.

Don't wear stilettos or anything, but if you look all LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME people will look @ you & will be more likely to approach you.

 

4. Take a fitness class.

Easy way to bond with someone when you're already doing something together.

 

Most importantly

5. Get a job in a social environment like a bar.

As a girl who gets hated on a lot & finds herself on the outs now & then I follow these steps & boom... New BFF in a month or so.

By then my clique has moved on to hating someone else.

(I'm back on the ins almost because some ***** stole her friends phone & we're not inviting her out anymore)

 

Just do these things.

It takes a lot of work, but do it.

I always meet *****es at salons.

Seriously.

We sit there for 6 h & get our hair done & before you know it we're BFF bodies.

 

JUST DO SOMETHING.

People are easy.

[turnthepage]

You're starting uni next year?

 

You will be fine!!! Ive just started uni this past September and everybody is in the same boat.. in a brand new place with no friends and no family, so you make your own! Join all of the societies and make an effort to talk to loads of people. I have no doubt you will be fine. Until you start, maybe go to the gym, change your clothes style, go outside more, spend time with family etc. But trust me, you will meet hundreds of other people at uni that are as keen as you to make new friends my dear.

[lifehappens]

The reason you're finding it hard is because you probably want friends very badly, and when you approach people with this at the back of your mind, they can sense it which then sort of makes them take a step back. The thing is that most people can sense if you're being genuine or not. In your case, you're being nice and kind, because you want them to be your friend!

 

I would stop worrying about making friends, but start being genuinely kind and caring without wanting people to return the favor; something as simple as leaving an apple on the desk of a colleague who hasn't had the time to grab lunch WITHOUT him or her knowing. When you truly start giving, you will start attracting the same kind of people into your life, and one day you will realize that without thinking about it, you have many friends.

[poetryandlyrics]

The reason you're finding it hard is because you probably want friends very badly, and when you approach people with this at the back of your mind, they can sense it which then sort of makes them take a step back. The thing is that most people can sense if you're being genuine or not. In your case, you're being nice and kind, because you want them to be your friend!

 

I would stop worrying about making friends, but start being genuinely kind and caring without wanting people to return the favor; something as simple as leaving an apple on the desk of a colleague who hasn't had the time to grab lunch WITHOUT him or her knowing. When you truly start giving, you will start attracting the same kind of people into your life, and one day you will realize that without thinking about it, you have many friends.

 

This.

 

There was this one girl with this mindset of wanting a friend so bad, it turned us off. And I tried to be her friend, but it didn't work. Of course, partially it was because of her lack of social awareness such as boundaries and such as she kept on asking personal questions, even when I tried to inform her it's best to let things flow and let those conversations happen. She didn't understand that. It doesn't sound as if you are like that, but the pushiness of being friends is. You have to build yourself up, your self-esteem, and your sincere kindness with the not caring if you don't have anyone but only yourself. Desperation are obvious to people, and it doesn't speak of sincerity. Like dating, when one is desperate for a boyfriend, she looks for a boyfriend, for the first one to accept the title without keeping in mind what exactly she wants in a boyfriend, what would make her want someone to be a boyfriend. Instead, she just wants a boyfriend. So be patient, shop around for someone to click with for a friend, not searching for the title of a friend but a friend that clicks with you.

[shaynah]

Here is a thought. Are you picky in who you would be friend with? Consider anyone! Male, female, old, young...it doesn't matter anyone is potential friend material. When I first moved away, I had this same problem. I was being friendly, open, smiling, trying to go out of my way to start conversations with anyone and everyone. It it HARD! and I totally relate. I grew up and lived in the same place for 30 years, and you can't make the kind of friends you had all your life overnight. It takes years. One thing that does help, that others have suggested is joining a group. Join something you are truly interested in, whether it's a sport, martial art, yoga,an art like dancing,painting, or a book club...just make sure it's something you love though. Through the same interest, you will meet like minded people. Are you religious? You could join a church...or heck, volunteer at an old folks home...you will surely make a friend there. Be open minded, friends can come from anywhere, and once you get a friend, you will feel better about yourself, which makes meeting new people even easier. It's hard because most people already have their friends, and don't need to meet new people, where as new people need to make new friends. Some people are friendly but aren't open to inviting a new best friend into their life. It's true what someone else said, in uni everyone is in the same boat and plus the classes you take are more in your field of interest, you will find it goes a lot better then high school. (Plus people tend to be a little more mature and serious about school since they are paying for it ) Keep in mind, lots of people are just as insecure as you feel, and you'd be surprised. I wish you the best of luck.