I Feel like I should be More Upset about this..Good Thing or Bad Thing?

[Just Me85]

Hi Everyone,

 

Lately things have been so good the past year with me and my boyfriend, we had some problems at the beginning of the relationship and some fights but we have grown through it and we have come such a long way and I have been very proud of us for making it work despite the odds at the beginning.

 

However, there is only one thing we ever argue about, and every so often it comes up (nowhere near as much as it used to). I used to get upset if he kicked off about things or did the whole "I need space" thing, and I used to get real worried we could break up or whatever and it would stress me out so much.

 

Well last night he got upset with me and said he wanted space for a couple of weeks. I felt really bad and apologised but he said he needs time. Anyway, after that conversation, I started to feel angry because it was over something relatively minor, but linked to the same argument we always have. He also can be a hypocrite, and what is alright for him he condemns me for (my past etc).

 

In the past I would get upset if he said he wanted space, and I am a little worried and I feel terrible knowing I have upset him. However, I feel like i should be more upset than I am and im not sure whether this is a good or bad thing. I am thinking maybe its just because I am so used to this now it has lost its effect and I know in a few days he will be back, that's what I am hoping. I dont want to become indifferent.

 

I love him and he is the longest relationship I have ever been in. Its a different kind of love to anything ive experienced before though, as in although it has its passionate moments at times, its more 'real' and its more of a calm and secure love, the feeling u know they are always going to be there. My past experience of love was very unhealthy, obsessive, all consuming negative feelings and thoughts...this, is so much more chilled. Which love is the right kind? Is this normal, or could it be a sign that the love is dying. I really hope not because we make eachother very happy generally and I am terrified of the prospect of falling out of love, because he is also my best friend and it would destroy him...

 

Sorry rambling a bit...would really like some input though if anyone can help x

[Jennifer89]

I think needing space is ok, but for an hour or a day, not for days or weeks. Sometimes the best thing to dining an argument is step back, but threatening a break for a couple weeks is not the same. Do you want to spend the rest of your life worrying about not seeing him for a few days if you bring up a concern?

 

Maybe your passive feelings are a sign. I know it's hard to move on but the best thing you can do is not take him back. He needs to learn that he can't float in and out of your life, he is either in or out. Period.