Feeling desperate any help welcome

[darkja25]

Let me start by saying i met the person who i think its my other half and never felt so strongly about anyone in my 23 years. For a ton of reasons i cant be with that person although she did love me back (possibly not enough). Also shes moving to a foreign country in a few months and she may never come back, so i just have to accept she wont be in my life and well never be together.

Now, i have always had a few close friends and 2 best friends who were my everything. This girl turned to be my 3rd best friend too and i felt so secure in my best friend "circle". The situation i forementioned resulted in me losing 1 of my best friends plus her. Now im left with 1 best friend which i have known since kindergarden. Its really hard for me to accept losing one of my best friends cause we were inseperable for 12 years and i felt like he was a brother to me. The damage in our friendship is irepearable and i cause it so being friends again wont happen. I also have to accept i lost what i believe to be the love of my life.

Im not very social but i did make 2 new friends and we have been going out almost every day and opening up to them for the last 3 months, which is notable cause the pain im going through made me open up a lot easier than usual and had never experienced that before.

The problem is i just feel empty inside. I feel i lost something ill never find regarding both love and friendship. I just cant accept both of them at the same time its too much for me atm. What makes things worse is i cause all this and i cant say i would be able to do something differently even though i regret it.

And like all this wasnt enough i havent been able to make a single step forward in 3 months. Christmas is coming and it will be the first one ever without me being with my 2 best friends in new years eve. It pains me to even think about it hope i wont burst to tears when the time comes.

I just dont see any hope. All of my hobbies seem pointless, i cant find anything to make me happy even for a short while. I just think ill end up alone and miserable and that ill never feel the same for anyone but her, and on top of that i miss my friend so bad.

 

Posted a thread about positive thinking and had that great attitude for a while. But i lost it just as suddenly as i got it and now im down the drain again. Any advice is welcome im willing to try anything to make me feel even a tiny bit better f.e yoga or medidation or anything really.

Sorry for the long post i needed to vent out a bit.

[Mike414]

Hey man, we have all been down like this. It is worse for some then others. Personally I am in the midst of a year and half rut. I can relate to you very well. My rut too began when I lost the girl I believed to be the love of my life. The key word is believed. She was significant for a time and I will never forget her but we are not meant to be together. She left and that is that. I am a bit older then you (27) and at this time a lot of my friends I grew up with are now getting married and starting families. It is an awful feeling to not only be dumped but have to see all the people around you moving forward while you spin your tires. You know what though? I did everything I could to make things work out. The best advice I give is to not worry about the things you can't control in your life. This girl means a lot to you now but there will be others after her. Your so called "best-friend" will forgive you if he is a true friend. I doubt you did anything that awful to him.

 

I am up and down all the time. I never know what version of myself I'm going to be when I get up in the morning. What I do know is that this is all temporary. I have been in ruts before and crawled out to find happiness. I can't see why that won't happen again. It will happen for you to. In the meantime you are doing the right thing. Make some new contacts. You just need to change things up at times if what you are currently doing isn't working. Life is ever changing and if you attempt to plan everything that is going to happen you will be severely disappointed.