I am growingly intolerant of people around me and becoming so annoying.

[jeanettelee]

I don't know what is wrong with me but I've been growingly intolerant of people...esp the ones holding views different from mine.

 

I consider myself quite a tolerant person generally and my friends used to think that too. But recently, whenever someone tells me that he/she disagrees with what I have just said... I'd become realllly annoyed and angry. I really can't control myself. And later, when I think about it, it obviously isn't anything big of a deal.

 

I used to take criticism pretty positively. But now I get really defensive when people say something not positive about me.

 

I have always been a person who freaks out a lot. But now I have taken it to a whole new level.

My best friend jokingly said I was being really annoying. (He says that all the time.) I knew he was joking but I couldn't help but thought "oh my best friend hates me. Wt am I gonna do to stop that? should I apologize? what have I done?" and I literally lied in my bed and cried for like 2 hours.

 

I used to be someone who explains things pretty well. And now I can't explain things. People around me can't understand what I say. I feel annoyed when I need to explain things to people. And I find myself covering my ears (which I never do before) when people try to explain things to me.

 

I have been having headache and stomachache really often too. When to the doctor's, he said nth is really wrong with me...

 

I have got a new exciting job and I should be happy. But I'm fearing that it's like a trap or sth and once I fall into that I can never get out of it.

 

I've been feeling

 

I think I'm mentally ill...

Someone please tell me wt's wrong with me...

[CeeLambrini]

You sound like you have anxiety, it's something I suffer with as well. It can be controlled with medication or herbal tablets but deep down, you need to start giving yourself pep talks. I know how you're feeling, it's like logic goes out of the window and emotion just gets us all tangled up in ourselves.

 

Criticism and tolerance of others have to be controlled. Imagine what kind of person you are being towards these people, it doesn't make you likable at all, and it makes you unable to listen to another person's point of view. When you have no tolerance, you have no respect. And when you have no respect, it makes you stop listening, and take a person's disagreement with your own point of view personally, which then makes you curl up in a ball for hours feeling sorry for yourself. I'm saying this because I was like this too at one point.

When someone criticises you, do you ask for it? Is it a matter or asking someone's opinion on yourself? Are they retorting to a criticism you may have said about them? Or are they just saying it out of the blue? People are very reluctant to criticise others unless it is very important to them. I told my friend once that it really annoys me when she talks over me and that it makes me feel like she doesn't value my opinion or my thoughts. She got angry with me and stopped talking to me. I don't want to have a friend that I can't be honest with when she hurts my feelings like that and then goes out to make me the bad guy.

 

Imagine how you'd feel if someone started covering their ears as you were explaining something. It wouldn't make you feel very nice would it? But seeing as you don't tolerate them, it doesn't really matter how you're making them feel does it?

 

It is said that people who really annoy you display personality traits that you have yourself, but don't like about yourself. Think about that. My mother told me that when I told her about my friend. Maybe her incapacity to listen is something I saw in myself, and wanted to change.

 

Headaches and stomach aches can come from feeling anxious. You need to relax around people and whenever you're annoyed, calm yourself down. Don't just let angry emotions take over you. Here's an excersise for next time you are feeling annoyed at someone: Have a conversation with yourself in your head. Stand up for the person against the angry side of you. Explain to yourself that their argument may be wrong, but they truly believe it's right. If you're going to argue back with them or correct them, then give them the facts. If it's their opinion they are arguing then leave them to it, you can't argue against opinion, I'm afraid, so there's no point in being angry at someone for thinking a certain way. There's people out there who have hate for anyone who believes differently to them - and you know what kind of people they are.

 

Just keep yourself calm, and get rid of the superiority complex you have for other people. Everyone is equal and entitled to their own opinion.

[lizzie2011]

I would guess stress, anger, depression, anxiety, self esteem issues as to why you suddenly can't handle being wrong and you're lashing out at your friends. When did you first notice this change in your behaviour? Was it around the time you started this new job? Sudden personality changes are usually the result of some change in your environment. You need to work on some calming exercises and then consider the reasons for this change in your personality.

[jeanettelee]

RE CeeLambrini,

Thank you so much for your detailed reply.

 

I didn't realise how annoying it would be if someone covers his/her ears when I try to talk to them... until you pointed that out just now.

 

I don't know how to calm down... and I find it so difficult to tell which person to trust or not to trust.

I find it hard to trust anyone.

 

And yes...I have been someone who has little to no confidence... and now I'm this person who thinks I am better than others and being all arrogant.

 

why have i become this person? now that i'm aware of this... why cant i control myself? D:

[CeeLambrini]

You can control yourself, you just did. It's not all a lost cause because you just took my criticism on board and thought about what I was saying. This is probably because I'm just a bit of writing on a computer screen to you, I don't know you at all and I've just gone off my impression on you. That's all people in the flesh are doing. They have an impression of you, right or wrong, but they don't know the full you. When you are criticised, it is simply a criticism of what that person does know about you, not all of you and it doesn't have to define who you are either.

 

All it takes is a little bit of discipline on your part. Your consciousness vs. your subconscious. You've already made progress by writing on here in the first place - a lot of people are oblivious that they are like this, or at least refuse to acknowledge it. Keep up with thinking "What if it was the other way round" - this is empathy, being able to put yourself in other's shoes and realising how you would feel if it was happening to you.

 

Trust in people takes time, and they must earn it - it can't always be as easy with some as it is with others. Always try to give the benefit of the doubt however, and to be honest I never confide in people until they confide in me as well. As soon as someone opens up to me, I am honoured that they trust me and therefore am able to open up and trust in them as well.

 

Humans are funny things - but we're all confused sometimes, we're all wrong sometimes, and sometimes even the most unexpected people have the greatest advice.

[jeanettelee]

RE lizzie2011,

Thanks for the reply.

I think it was around when I got into the last round of interviews. The interviewing process was really long and stressful for several months. I haven't started this job yet. But I have been preparing a lot in order get this job.

 

This job is one of those well-pay jobs in where I am... and one of those jobs that graduates really want. But before getting this, I had been jobless and really depressed for half a year. I really think it's this job and the interviewing process that drove me insane...

 

It's like I gave it a shot thinking it'd not get it anyway. My friends thought I was aiming too high too. I was pretty relaxed about it 'cause I was trying to get other jobs as well... I just thought it'd not hurt to try. But then as I proceeded with the interviews... I was starting to think OMG I'm in fact quite good. But still I didn't have my hopes high 'cause I know it's really competitive...I just worked really hard to prepare for the tests and interviews.

 

I was really excited to be offered the job. I got to meet other new hires last week. I was really excited about meeting them but I have been really depressed ever since. They are not as smart as I thought they would be. (See? I am being all arrogant again. ) But then of course I know I'm not smart either... or else it wouldnt have taken me so long time to get hired after graduation. I feel so complicated.