I just need some advice ---

[alonegeek]

Okay here i am - its May now- My ex girlfriend and I broke up last August, over various reasons.

 

Heres my problem - I cannot get over her. I want closure , yet I never received it from her.

 

I had suspected her of being unfaithful in the relationship, she had changed, and I explained to her my distrust of her. She responded by becoming defensive, and I took that as a sign of guilt. So I broke up with her.

 

Now please take into consideration that I was (still am?) very much in love with her, and would have done anything for her. part of me thinks I still would.

 

After we broke up I spent the following week trying to talk with her, I wrote her letters, I left her flowers, etc.. she however felt threatened by me. After two years in a relationships with someone I felt that we should at least discuss what was going on.

 

Within a few weeks of our breaking up I discovered she had a new boyfriend, which added to my "suspicions" as previously stated.

 

I am deeply concerned for my own mental health in regards to this woman. My life has gone down the toilet, I've been out of work, I have no drive or energy, and the last thing I want is to get involved with someone else.

 

Thankfully the weather has changed for the better, and I am starting to get out and do stuff, which has been very good for me. My unemployement insurance is almost out and I am seriously looking for work, and trying to get my life back on track.

 

What confuses me is why do I still feel the pain, nearly 9 months later? She has not responded to my letters in the past, and I must honestly say that it hurts. How could someone who spent two years with me, who said she would marry me as recently as 3 months prior to our breakup, who wanted to "grow old" with me, be so cold and uncaring?

 

Granted I do not think she is aware of the suffereing I have been through, I felt that telling her would be some sort of guilt trip for her and I still care too deeply and respect her not to do such a thing.

 

Why can I not just get over her and move on? What can I do to help me in this process? I am really tired of thinking about her all the time, wondering what shes doing, if shes happy, etc..

 

please help wth any advice you can spare .

 

Thank you-

alone and sad

[sisterlynch]

Hi Sad and Alone,

 

Thank you for coming to our websight, here are a few suggestions that you might try:

 

Counseling would help with some of your personal issues and help you to put yourself into a more positive frame of mind, but without work, I don't know how realistic it is.

 

I think that your most pressing line of business is to find work for your self.

 

What types of jobs have you done previously?

 

Feel Free to private message me with any additional questions.

[alonegeek]

thks - I will consider your response-

[Avalon23199]

Hello. I just want to say I know exactly where you are coming from. I'm in the exact same situation except my part would be the girl's part. I broke up with my fiance after a two year relationship because we were growing very distant and accusitive. He thought I was seeing someone else behind his back because most of my friends are guys and I was in school and working, I rarely had time for him. I know that's wrong because I should always try to find time for the person I loved, but I just couldn't and he couldn't accept that. It got so bad that he stopped taking my phone calls and wouldn't talk to me. We broke up for about two weeks, but ended up back together. During the worst parts of our relationship, my biggest fear was how it would effect him. I knew he loved me deeply and I also knew that he was mentally unstable. I tried to be supportive, but it just got to be too much, I mentioned that he needed to go to counselling again, but it just made him angry. I didn't know what to do for him anymore, so we ended things. Now since then, I have moved on, but my heart still aches and I think of him everyday. I've even picked up the phone and started calling him, only to hang it up out of fear. I eventually do have to see him, because some of my things are still at his place, but I don't think it'll be anytime soon. The only thing I can say about your situation is, do things to occupy your time and try to move on, and just like it was said, try some counselling. It's good to have someone to talk to who doesn't have a personal view, someone who can offer good advice.