So hard to end it for good

[Taven]

My ex left me a few months ago now because he told me he couldn't do a relationship. I told him he needs to give me time (like 6 months) to heal but every few weeks he wants to see me and says all the right things. This usually puts me back to square one in my healing, it's damaging, yes I know. But I'm weak for him, he's like my kyptonite. I don't know if deep down he doesn't give a crap about me or he does but he fights it. His friends tell him not to contact me and get emotionally involved .. but he does and then we spend the night together and he tells me he loves me and he feels like a **** for how he's treated me and just wishes he could be the BF I deserve.

 

I never contact him, other than to reply to him, (or send a letter to say my peace/goodbye). Right now he knows my adress and my phone number, so I'm thinking of changing it. It's soo hard though, I just wish if he didn't really love me he'd let me heal and move on. I don't want to have to cut him out, I don't want that doubt on my mind and I hate that it's come to this.

[csr14]

Honey,

 

This crap could go on forever. You can continue to do this but just know that your healing hasn't even begun and won't til he's out of your life. He's being disrespectful to you by contacting you. Don't give him a goodbye letter- just end it. Write one if you must but don't give it to him. He doesn't deserve an explanation. If anything he has just ripped you open over and over again causing a bigger emotional wound. As long as you do this you will continue to hurt for him. You are going to have to cut him off sooner or later. I don't know his intentions but I know what they aren't - and that's to get back together. You need to get out of this situation asap.

[Samiilo]

I think he actually want to take you for a granted, don't respond to him anymore.

[ReturnToSender]

Its really hard to say if he cares about you or he's taking advantage of the fact that you keep letting him back in. My personal opinion is the latter I think he's using you to get over you if this makes any sense to you. Basically what I’m saying is that he doesn't want to be with you and once every few weeks when he hits a rough patch he comes crawling to you for a pick me up. I understand that he's sweet and always says the right things but that's a trap that's his way of sneaking back in.

 

I'm also concerned by the statement that he wishes he could be the boyfriend you deserve..?!?! If he really wanted to be with you he would put effort and work on being that boyfriend you deserve. If he loves you so much why doesn't he take the steps to be there for you and meet your needs. I think its best you nip this one in the butt otherwise you'll keep getting hurt especially when that one day comes where he'll be completely over you and will never contact you again. After all why pay for the cow when the milk is free.

 

I'm not sure how you feel about him and if you would like to be with him or not.. But if you do next time he contacts you tell him that's he's either all in or you want him completely out. Any other answer other than "yes I want to be with you and work on this with you" is not acceptable. If he's smart though he'll try the pity approach saying how he's not the kind of boyfriend you deserve that he needs to work on him self blah blah blah.. Is complete B.S. If that were truly the case he wouldn’t show up every so often for a quick fix. If he really cared he would give you the space and time you need and once he was ready to commit to you only then would he approach you.

 

Just walk away don’t let him take advantage of you if he contacts you don’t respond just end this before you get completely pulled back in and get hurt even more.

[gluestick]

Spot on! Whenever people say the reason they can't be with you is because they don't deserve you...it's usually a cop out and excuse for leaving you. Stop being his doormat and just cut him off for good. The fact he contacts you when you already told him you need time to heal shows he's selfish. If he really cares about you, he'd respect your wish. He initiates contact with you not because he wants to be your friend, but because you're his security blanket whenever he feels lonely. Eventually he wouldn't need you anymore and would stop contact altogether. Don't let him dictate your life.