joeson1257 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Not because I'm afraid they will reject me, thats what I expect, but if they did say yes than I would have no idea what to do. I consider myself to be a very boring person and I don't know what to do on a date. Link to comment
theblueboy91 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 We all go through this (alot of us anyway) i was the exact same, terrified and i believed no girl would like me like that. It has left me with great insecurity and trust issues in my relationships, i guess growing up i used to be chubby and never got the girl which did not help my confidence. If i could talk to the younger me, i woud do anything in my power to make me take chances, ask girls and if they do not find you exciting, so what? you both can break up and its more experience under your belt. Not every relationship works, you win some and you lose some. I think your afraid of being vunerable, which i still am. Trust me, that girl your too afraid to ask out because you think she is out of your league, or that girl you treat as a friend because your afraid to do anything else, ask her out, i bet you will be suprised! Most girls like somone different, its not all about the bad boys or the sporting jocks, thats a phase, girls want men, so be a man When i look back i see hundreds of missed oppertunities, my insecurity made me miss out on my teenage years, dont repeat the same mistake. Link to comment
SuperDuper Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 Well since you're worried about what happens after they say yes, I think that's better than being scared of rejection. Think about it this way... if you're not scared of her saying "No" to your date request, then why are you scared that she may "reject" your date suggestion? Or perhaps you're worried she won't 'enjoy yourself with whatever you're doing. Depending on the type of place you live in (inner-city, suburbs, country), just base your date around something fun and light-hearted. I wouldn't suggest a candle-lit dinner on your first encounter, as it seems too structured for my taste. Go grab some ice cream and walk along the boardwalk, or rent some bikes and go for a ride through the park and chat away. As long as you plan the date, and have a few fun things lined up, I don't think you have much to worry about. Link to comment
Tom1990 Posted July 14, 2012 Share Posted July 14, 2012 I like doing lunch during the work week, because you're on a time limit, and if it gets awkward you can always say "Well I need to get back to work." Then you just talk about stuff. If you run out of stuff to talk about, ask her questions about herself. Link to comment
Helis4life Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Like anything you have to practice to get better. No one is born with their dating skill set fully formed. So you need to start. And the sooner you start the sooner you will get what you are after. A couple of sayings to help motive you A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step - Lao-Tzu "One day, one day is all it takes And some way, life starts and ends A choice made, when the hardest truths are faced Start today, you can't afford to wait, don't leave it up to fate " - One Day, Nu Breed So get out there and give it a shot. You have nothing to lose really. Youll probably get hurt at some point if you buy in to the true love fair tale. Id keep things simple and rememberthat love is a biological condition which exists to help perpetuate the species. Women, just like men are programed genetically to be attracted to others. What attracts them varies of course and everyone has different tastes. So if you do get rejected it doesnt mean the next girl will be the same. Also I find hedging your bets is a good strategy ie try and date multiple people at once. If one falls through just move on to the next Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Not because I'm afraid they will reject me, thats what I expect, but if they did say yes than I would have no idea what to do. I consider myself to be a very boring person and I don't know what to do on a date. You've lost the fight before you've even stepped foot on the battlefield. If you believe you are boring, than surely that is what the girl is going to think too. Do you really think you are boring or do you just assume that the activities you are into would be boring to a girl? Link to comment
joeson1257 Posted July 15, 2012 Author Share Posted July 15, 2012 You've lost the fight before you've even stepped foot on the battlefield. If you believe you are boring, than surely that is what the girl is going to think too. Do you really think you are boring or do you just assume that the activities you are into would be boring to a girl? My main problem is that I have a lot of insecurities about myself and that makes me a very rigid and timid person. I don't have much of a personality because of this. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 My main problem is that I have a lot of insecurities about myself and that makes me a very rigid and timid person. I don't have much of a personality because of this. Everyone has insecurities and I mean EVERYONE. The difference is that not everyone let it hold them back. Would you mind talking about what some of your insecurities are? I bet once you say it 'out loud' you'll realize that they aren't that bad. Also, how old are you? Link to comment
lonesomegirl Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Have you ever asked a girl out? Have girls asked you out? Why is the "first move" so scary? I'm a girl, and I have never done the first move. But this shy boy keeps making me want to. Maybe you just haven't met the right person who makes you want to overcome your shyness? Link to comment
photograph11 Posted July 15, 2012 Share Posted July 15, 2012 Watch this: It is a great psychologist explaining the fear of rejection. You will no longer be as afraid of rejection. It is the psychology behind the fear rejection and shyness. It has helped me tremendously getting over my shyness, and most specifically.. my fear of rejection. The fear of rejection is based on the irrational belief we put on ourselves of the healthy desire for approval of other people. Check out the video, it will really help you. Link to comment
joeson1257 Posted July 16, 2012 Author Share Posted July 16, 2012 Everyone has insecurities and I mean EVERYONE. The difference is that not everyone let it hold them back. Would you mind talking about what some of your insecurities are? I bet once you say it 'out loud' you'll realize that they aren't that bad. Also, how old are you? I'm almost 27 and my insecurities are my numerous physical flaws. Link to comment
epsilon2x Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'm almost 27 and my insecurities are my numerous physical flaws. Everyone has physical flaws. Whether a girl looks like a Lane Bryant model or a Victoria Secret model, she's always going to compare herself to other girls and think "If only I could change X" Guys need to understand, somewhere out there, there is a girl for every guy. You should watch the MSNBC documentary "locked up". It's about prisoners. There are actually women who have met guys while the guy was in prison and the girl was free and the girl ends up starting a relationship with them when they have nothing to offer them. It puts things into perspective. You can't think that any of your flaws are worse than being locked up for life. Link to comment
MarineSky Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 Be yourself and it will come easily! Link to comment
MarineSky Posted August 10, 2012 Share Posted August 10, 2012 What kind of flows do you find unattractive in yourself? Insecurities are just a part of your own view- but it doesn't mean that every girl will consider them! It's just a fear in fact Link to comment
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