Highs and Lows with my Boyfriend

[loveculture]

I'm in a relationship that is going on 3.5 months. I have my ups and downs with how I feel about my boyfriend. I do love him, but I don't think I love him enough as of yet. I believe love takes time to grow into something deeper. But, I also think I am preventing myself for some reason from falling too deeply. Either way, I have moments where I am happy with him and moments where I get upset by small things and can't figure out if I have a right to be upset or if I'm just being overly sensitive.

 

Here is one recent example. My boyfriend went to hang out with college alumni friends and didn't bother asking me if I would like to attend. Although, he did call me while he was out at a bar pretty drunk while with these friends....and he told me that he walked out of a bar with his glass and took it with him because he hadn't finished and his friends were going to another place. He said he wasn't sure if he took it on purpose or not because he sort of walked out with it while drunk and didn't realize, but then once he did, he didn't return it and wanted to finish his beer. I really found this immature, wrong, and also this wouldn't be the first time he has done something that wasn't a good idea while drinking so it worries me he can't control himself when drinking and doesn't know what he is doing and is very absentminded.

 

I was still disappointed that I didn't even know about the event until he was on his way to it and that he didn't even at least ask me if I would like to attend. This has happened two other times in two other instances. I don't know why but it is bothering me that I don't know who he is hanging out with sometimes and how come he doesn't ask me to attend sometimes. One time he was going to his grad school for some event and I asked if I could come along and he was very happy about it, but didn't bother or think to ask me to come. I am trying to figure out if he is omitting asking me or is just a little dense or a little oblivious to the fact that it would be a nice gesture to at least ask me to attend events. I think it must be the latter because he is at least telling me about the events and he sometimes calls me beforehand or during them. Also, the events I was not invited to were similar to this alumni gathering. One event was a meeting with friends to see his favorite musician perform. I was bummed to find out about that too a little late because I would have loved to have gone and seen this musician to learn more about my boyfriend and share the experience with him. He even told me he grabbed a drink with an old college female friend. This is where I draw the line and find it inappropriate, but I didn't have a good chance to say anything so I am waiting till there is a good time to bring up a discussion about friends of the opposite sex.

 

I kind of always thought that in the beginning of a relationship, both parties feel inseparable and they attend everything together and then eventually that dies down and they spend time with their friends apart.....at least that's how I remember it when I was in a relationship. But I can see the opposite standpoint too- I understand that in the beginning of a relationship, it can be important for each person to hang out with their friends without their SO and be apart, but we are apart 5 days of the week as it is, so it bums me out that he doesn't invite me to these important events where I could also learn a lot about him and meet more of his friends. I've only met a few of his friends...well come to think of it, about 2 or 3.

 

I know I can't really say anything cause if he isn't looking to invite me, why would I want to be there anyway. But is it remotely strange for me to be feeling this bummed about him not inviting me? Because I think the reason this weighs so much on my mind is that I am thinking ahead to the future and worried that this could have potential to open up bad habits of not wanting the SO around when hanging out with friends or who knows what else. My ex wouldn't invite me on purpose to events and told me I didn't belong there. I was barred from events. So, I may be having some sort of repressed fears from that relationship starting to rear their ugly heads.

 

My ex also didn't want to be facebook public much and we never put up a relationship status. He hardly ever wrote on my wall and he never wanted to put up any pictures. It really hurt my feelings and I knew it was a sign that he didn't want to be with me and that he didn't see a future with me...and I was right. My ex was also shady and he would write to some females and delete the feed off his wall so I wouldn't get suspicious. I can't help but fear that maybe my current bf is being shady with FB too because of my past. My current bf put up our relationship status himself when we first started dating and he statused once about a date we had. But that was in the beginning. Otherwise, he uses facebook everyday and adds new friends himself, probably writes to people (he deletes all feed on his wall of his commenting), and statuses here and there quotes from songs or plugging a place he is working. Yet, he does not write on my wall and has not wanted to put up photos of us as of yet. Some photos went up of us through a friend and he could have commented on them and at least even said we look good together in a photo or something....but he didn't bother liking or commenting on any of our couple photos of us two from the event. I've been active on his wall and also with his statuses and not been getting any interaction through FB from him. I feel silly that I'm judging his feelings from FB, but I think in my honest opinion, I can tell when a man is proud and head over heels because he loves to write on FB to his gf and laps up anything she writes to him and wants to put up a photo and status about something he and his girl are doing together. He will be very public. I'm worried he is too self-centered to do that and I just get the sense he doesn't want to be FB "out there" or a little flashy with me for some reason. I think it may be that he isn't sure of me or fully believes in our relationship yet. He's always telling me that he only uses FB for plugging his work and to get contacts and that he hardly uses it. He seems to make a point of telling me that... I just think it's so weird he keeps saying that to me when FB gets brought up....The way it comes off to me when he says it is like he is worried I'm going to accuse him of using FB a lot for some reason. I have not asked him at all about my concerns that I mentioned here or discussed FB in any sort of way that had to do with our relationship. We've only discussed general things that had to do with FB that you would discuss with any friend.

[MillyZon4]

Your guy is not considering your feelings enough. Just remember this and have confidence that so long as you communicate that you want him to consider your feelings in his decisions, you are not in the wrong for being upset should this happen again.