Dagger. [Comments please]

[Protex]

Dagger

 

Thrust, harder

drive the dagger into my heart

the dagger that makes me bleed

the dagger that makes me love you

 

Plunge deeper into my chest

feel my breaths deepen

feel my body cringe

from the dagger that makes me love you

 

Stare into my eyes

eyes filled with passion

a passion for you. You and

your dagger, the dagger that makes me love you.

 

Discern my pain,

baby, feel what I feel.

Stare as I take the dagger

the dagger that makes me love you

 

With your weapon in my hands

will you let me change your mind?

Be ready love, to feel what I feel

cry the tears I've cried

bleed the blood I've bled

and love me as I have loved you

 

This is the dagger that will make you love me.

[bilal72401]

good job nice poem!!!

[behind_these_eyes]

That was really awesome. Nice job

[under_the_pressure]

Awesome poem. I really like the repitition in it and the last line how it's changed around;

This is the dagger that will make you love me.

Bravo.

 

uner*

[i_hate_the_world47]

Brave.I loved that poem.I think it may be one of the best i have read in awhile.

 

~Meagan~

[Protex]

Thank you all so very much, you guys give me motivation to write.

[flightlessguitar]

hey i like this poem a lot. just to help u tho. poems are made to b read as u no. since this is the case i think that it might help u a lot if u didnt use the word dagger so often. i usually like it when some poems say "it" until the very last line or stanza where they tell u wut they were talkin about a long. Very nice poem tho. thanks

[Protex]

I use repetition of the word to build up to the end.