Relationships within the workplace

[Silversun]

How many of you can recommend going out with someone you work with?

 

Can anyone share their experience/s of having a relationship at work?

 

What are the advantages/disadvantages?

[Princess777]

I strongly advise against it, under no circumstances should a person date anyone they work with. I think if there is an attraction that strong then one of them needs to find another job before dating.

 

Yes I had a bad experience and yes I had to quit my job because of it. So I have been there, it didn't work out and it made me completely miserable. I lost 30 some pounds and I wasn't even overweight... it was terrible.

 

About advantages and disadvantages, I can't think of one single advantage but lots of disadvantages... i.e. you see too much of each other and everything that goes along with that; if the relationship goes South then you're stuck working with them and the awkwardness and you take a risk of losing your job because of it..... the list goes on.

 

I commend anyone who can mix business with pleasure because it's a tricky thing to do! Good luck if you want to try.

[sisterlynch]

no, i agree w/ Princess! You can't do both. You can't trust your coworkers, can You? Are n't they just after a buck?

 

Now a girlfriend is different. Hide her away, so that the guys at work don't ruin it.

[birdgirl]

I've done it twice -- never again. The first time, I had to quit my job in order to break it off because I KNEW it'd be impossible to work together. He was too immature (of course, I didn't know that till we started dating -- If I'd known that, I wouldn't have dated him.).

 

The second time, the guy threw a fit. It was horrible. He told everyone, including the company gossip, how I supposedly screwed him over, when in actuality, I had perfectly valid reasons for breaking up with him. So people started treating me differently, because I wanted to be mature and not wreck his reputation by telling people the real reason why we broke up. It was absolutely awful. I'll never do it again. It's not worth it -- and you know how people sometimes go off the deep end during a breakup... If you really want to get to know the person, do so as friends and find a new job if you decide you want to date. That's my advice.

[Silversun]

This doesn't sound too good.....

 

Anyone have any inspiring or good experiences this?

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Ok take everyone advice seriously. BUT know this: something like 40% of couples (don't quote me on this) meet in the workplace.

 

I also had a bad experience. It's really hard when it goes sour. Seeing her everyday was hell. For 13 months the pain dragged on until she moved away, and then it got better.

 

 

If you do date her you need to breakup early or make sure it lasts. You better have an out plan. Could you quit your job? Could you be transfered to another building/town?

 

Any chance at love is a risk, and this maybe a bigger risk. Like I said many husbands and wifes do meet at work:

 

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Love is always a gamble. Dating someone from work may make it more of a gamble. There is more risk. But you could come up big. Only you can decide if you want to put your chips down.

[Mustangdood]

I met my ex wife at work...we were together for 5 years before we split, and we ended up not working with each other when I went back to school, but during the time we worked together it was fine.

 

I'm sure there are bad exp out there, but statistically speaking most people meet there significant others at work.

[Michael2]

It's not worth it.

[Silversun]

It's not worth it.

 

Why is it not worth it?

[ComputerGuy]

OK, I had a bad experience as well sorry to say. Long story short she cheated on me 2 complete strangers in one night while I was lying in hospital.

 

Anyway, everytime after that I would burst into tears everytime I saw her at work (I worked in a supermarket) and my life just became unbearable. I couldn't take it and ended up qitting my job and moving 2500 miles away to get away form it all.

 

Im now single and unemployed in a place where I don't know anyone or anywhere....not a good scenario. Im getting there but I would NEVER date anyone from work ever again.

[sisterlynch]

I think that you need to weigh the alternatives before you make a choice on whether to date someone that you work with.

 

You need to get to know the person before you make any choices on whether to date someone that you work with.

 

The same could be said if you wanted to date a family friend or if you wanted to date someone that you know more as a buddy.

 

The fact that you are on the fence about dating someone from work shows that you may be thinking clearly before the event or that you are getting up your nerve to do something or that you are weighing your choices.

 

How does she look at you when you see her? Does she look like her face lights up? Notice how her eyes and face look at you when you see her, what does her face seem to tell you, not what she is actually saying to you, but the physical appearance of her face, does it change when she sees you?

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

It's not worth it.

 

Why is it not worth it?

 

Because you may up forever happy and in love instead of eternally pesimistic and jaded--that's why!

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

By the way, since my first post was an unbiased opinion (I think) I'll give you my biased one.

 

Mine went sour too. I hurt for 13 months. I didn't move. I wen't through hell. But I would do it all over again, with her or any other girl for the POSSIBILITY of falling in love.

[Michael2]

Tiger, if you enjoy going through hell, then hey go for it. The good moments are great, but you can find that outside the workplace. What happens when you breakup and you have to see the person that broke your heart everyday. Yeah, its worth it then right?

 

Are you forever happy now? Do not take my post personally just because your WORKPLACE relationship went sour and ended up bringing you straight to emotional hell. THIS IS WHY YOU DO NOT DATE SOMEONE FROM WORK. Ever hear the term, dont crap where you eat.

 

I stand by what I said, and you compliment my post to the "T", so thanks.

 

PS: You say you were unbiased, yet you went through the situation that is being discussed. Hmm?? You took a poke at me, describing me as jaded and pessimistic. Nope, I am realistic, and once you reach my age, you will understand why it is never a good idea to date someone that you work with.

[sisterlynch]

I can't imagine in my wildest fantacy actually "loving" someone that I worked with....I couldn't see that at all. There is so much to lose and so little to gain, it seems to cheapen both the relationship and the working environment, and then there is the little known problem of sexual harassment.

 

Attraction, and flirtation yes, but one should quit or move on for the relationship to work. Most likely it will end up being a fling, then you lose both ways, a job and a love or you are forced to live in a purgatory for the time that you are there and she starts to date the next guy that comes into the office.

 

To me coworker isn't equal to love, some of you have fallen in lust, but those relationships all have ended, or if not they have probably caused you grief in one way or another.

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Tiger, if you enjoy going through hell, then hey go for it. The good moments are great, but you can find that outside the workplace. What happens when you breakup and you have to see the person that broke your heart everyday. Yeah, its worth it then right?

 

Are you forever happy now? Do not take my post personally just because your WORKPLACE relationship went sour and ended up bringing you straight to emotional hell. THIS IS WHY YOU DO NOT DATE SOMEONE FROM WORK. Ever hear the term, dont crap where you eat.

 

 

I stand by what I said, and you compliment my post to the "T", so thanks.

 

Wow! Are you sure I'M the one taking it personally? I said mine went sour and that I would do it again. Actually I was just taking a poke at your one line pessimism. But it does seem like I hit a nerve.

 

You keep assuming that it's going to end horribly. But the point is that people are always complaining they can't find anyone. And not every relationship ends up bad. Read my first post. I said it's a gamble and you have to weigh the bad with the good. And a lifetime with someone in love is a very big "good." Yes it may even be worth the risk. And considering between 25-50% of couples meet at work:

 

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I really don't think it's as bad as my experience was. The ones that are happy and in love don't need to come on here . Like I said, I would still do it again. You just don't let the heartache keep you from loving.

 

 

PS: You say you were unbiased, yet you went through the situation that is being discussed. Hmm?? You took a poke at me, describing me as jaded and pessimistic. Nope, I am realistic, and once you reach my age, you will understand why it is never a good idea to date someone that you work with.

 

"My age"? How old do you think I am? And as far as dating at the workplace, although I think I read 70% of couples share your viewpoint, only 10% really stick to that view, and it really looks like 25% of married couples out there would disagree with you.

 

Come on I know you're not jaded, you're my brother!

[Michael2]

Sorry tiger. I was having a bad day and took it our on your post.

 

 

[the_tiger_striped_cat]

Wow!!!!

 

I commend you're ability to say something like that. The fact that you apologized first shows that you're a bigger man than me. One of my biggest problems is admitting when I'm wrong. You must be a rare breed to be able to do something like that. Actually, I think I was too snippy too. I did mean to joke about what seemed to me to be pessimism, but I didn't mean to make it sound like that.

 

I'm sorry too.

[Princess777]

I think people do need to remain optimistic when looking for love, however, of all the places in the world to nurture that person with love, the place where you go for your bread and butter should be the one tiny one that we exclude, for the simple fact that business and pleasure mix about as well as oil and water.

 

Again, if you meet someone at your workplace that you absolutely have to take a chance on, then it shouldn't bother you to quit your job, pound the pavement and find another one, all while getting to know this person at your last job while you start all over with accumulating time off, benefits, etc..... (yuck, huh?) I guess if you don't think it's worth it to find another job, then maybe it's not worth dating this person.

 

I should say that I do know married couples who work in the same place together and have for years. I do not know how happy they are, however. I tried this on more than one occasion and each time it ended in disaster..... I will never ever do it again or advise it to anyone. I think our workplace, especially one that we like and plan on staying at for awhile, is a place where our individuality and self esteem comes out naturally, we can feel good about ourselves because we have this job and we can take care of ourselves, etc., and that is nearly impossible to occur when you have your significant other around all the time. A person needs something to have of their own.

 

Just my two cents again! 8)

[confuddled]

I met my husband at work. It was a company of about 25 employees at the time and mostly like a big family. We became very good friends first and ended up hanging out together after work and then a romantic attraction sort of kicked in.

 

Advantage: we got to spend a lot of time together, although in the early days we tried not to let many people realise that we were at item, in case things didn't work out.

 

Disadvantage: once you're 'out' if you are having an argument about something, it can affect your work and everybody knows about it.

 

Advantage: you get to go to work 'dos' with your partner, even when it's a 'no partners' night

 

Disadvantage: you have to go to work 'dos' with your partner, even when it's a 'no partners' night

 

We didn't work closely together, which helped. We weren't on top of each other. We could talk about our work and colleagues and know that the other person knew exactly what we meant. There was always someone to turn to if we were having a bad day at the office. There was nearly always someone to have lunch with.

 

When we got married, we did it on a week day at lunchtime so the whole office could go. We got double the gifts too

 

It worked well for us, actually until he moved to a new job after we'd been together there for about 15 years! I think in some ways we've grown apart a little since he left, but maybe it's just that I miss the amount of time we got to spend together, travelling to and from work, and lunches, etc.

 

However, I will say that since then, any 'couples' at work have broken up, messily, and each time one of them has felt uncomfortable enough about it to have to move on.

 

I suppose it just depends on the two people involved, whether they have a deep friendship first, or whether it's just lust or flirtation, and how mature they both are, should things not work out.

 

Maybe I was just lucky!

[red12]

So far I have dated 2 people from work the first didnt work out at all cause she was hard up on some1 else. This 2nd one is good so far. I would recommend knowing who they are before you do anything. The first one I didnt really do that with she didnt run her mouth or any thing we just jumped into things to quick. The 2nd one we got to know each other and so far things are working out. I dont see her much at work maybe once a week. So it's not bad. But the 1st girl I was see. When we stopped talk it was hard it took me about 3 months to finally kinda kid around with her and talk to her again. I would recommend getting to know them alittle better but thats you. Me and this girl did things together before we started to get more serious about some things.

[jubal]

I don't know that it is such a good idea for several reasons. I have dated several women from my jobs over the years. The first time was disastrous. I think however this was a function of who we were as people and the nature of our relationship. We both went up for the same promotion. I got the promotion and she didn't. This created a huge amount of tension within the relationship adding to the problems we already had. Needless to say it was quite nightmarish when I had to supervise her for a shift. She ended up quitting the job.

The woman I'm seeing now is a coworker. Our relationship hasn't caused problems at work except for the fact that we want to hang out more than we want to work. Consequently our performance has suffered ever since we started dating. There is the usual office gossip, but not too bad. Although, I am her supervisor and my boss is now second guessing my evalutations of her performance... which ain't good.

Just keep in mind that things have the potential to get really ugly. Try to keep it discreet to minimize the gossip and other potential drama