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Money secrets? help!


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Me and my partner have been together over 3 years, I have a 6 year old from a previous relationship and we have lived together for almost 2 years now. We have had money troubles for a while, but after receiving a tax rebate owed to me, we managed to get back on an even keel. However, my partner is in the army and has recently been away on a training exercise for 2 months. As i struggled with money and bills whilst he was away, it seems he has spent a small fortune and is refusing to tell me where all his money has gone. Two pay days later and there is no money coming in as a backlog of cheques cashed whilst he was there are finally coming out of his pay (via army payroll somehow). I usually sort out all of our bills and regularly check through bank statements and receipts so i know what’s going on etc, but since he has been back he has hidden his recent statements from me and I think he is reading and hiding his post from me too. This morning a bank statement came through the door, so I opened it and found that he had taken 4 pay day loans out in the last month which in turn had come out of his account on pay day, then another 2 loans put in not long after. I don’t know how many months this has been going on for. I am expected to keep everything under control but am finding it increasingly difficult when he is hiding things like this from me, I am expected to use all of my wages (I only work part time) for the house and am finding it so hard to support my daughter. Now when i have ask him about money he refuses to talk about it and gets angry and defensive. Also, i have found a receipt for a hotel bill from whilst he was away, along with various bar and restaurant bills which he doesn’t know that I know about, and I am worried about what else he may be hiding. He told me he hadn’t been allowed off camp whilst he was away , and that they had all amenities there so he hadn’t needed to anyway. What do i do? I need to provide for my daughter but bail him out constantly aswell, but i don’t see why i should when he is lying to me about such an important thing. Please help.

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I agree; it's not a concrete evidence but spending such fortune at a hotel and getting defensive about it doesn't sound great either.


And you mention "bailing him out constantly"; if he continues to spend money behind your back that's causing financial strains in your relationship and not being able to provide for yourself and your daughter you need to take stance and stop bailing him out period. Otherwise he will only keep things from you and not provide for the family. Living together for two years it sounds more like a family unit that he should probably act like a responsible adult than some guy acting as if he's single.

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