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Very unsocial


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Hi Ena,


I am a new member who has consistently browsed these forums for the past few years. I had an account a while ago as well and did provide some good/bad advice. I am familiar with DN's, Cats, Hers etc (Please forgive me if i forgot like 90% of the common posters, but I just posted off the top of my head) and their ideas. I guess I needed some generic advice.


Some background about me:

I recently graduated from my university. I have a girl I am interested in and am pursuing her. Things are going well. However, what most concerns me is that I do not have many (maybe any) friends. I am quite friendly with people and usually share many common interests with colleagues/classmates. But, when it comes to hanging out with them, I have not really ever done so. I used to play games quite a lot back in school, but eventually we have grown apart due to various reasons (them moving away, being in different faculties, even arguments with 1 friend etc).


I have come to understand that a lot of you are very social, go to parties, clubs and bars (just read that over the years i guess). I however have never done any of those. I have gone to maybe 2 movies and 2 lan parties (gaming thing) with my friends who I am not even in touch with anymore.


I need some advice on what is unusual with me. I do want friends and i used to be fine when I used to play with them (online). But since I am getting older and have quit gaming, there seems to be a lot of free time and noone to really hang out with. I think this is quite unhealthy. Any comments are appreciated! Oh also, I have noticed that my writing skills are absolutely terrible. I would like some advice on how to improve on that too. I seem to just ramble on and on, often even losing focus of what I am trying to say...



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Don't be so hard on yourself. You just lack self-confidence. Well thats what it sounds like.


If you enjoyed playing games before then maybe you could try and reconnect with these friends again, or even find new video game groups to play with. Just cause your older it dosent mean you cant play games again. If you not into sport then find other 'groups' that you may be interested in.


If you have never been interested in going to bars, parties, etc then don't. Not everyone gets into partying up in university. Find things that you like and you will most likely find like minded people. Just relax be patient. EVERYONE has someone out there who would be more than happy to be friends. Just don't cut yourself short.


YOUR writing skills should develop further by using this site too. Good luck my friend.

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Thanks for the reply Awoken =). Yeah, i will try to relax a bit more. Recently I have taken up other hobbies and they seem to be able to eat up some time.


Don't try to do things that 'fill' up time. Make sure you are doing things that you are enjoying and finding fun...Im 36 and still play vid games!

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Have you read Mind Power by John Kehoe? I recommend it.

Remember, bars clubs and parties aren't for everyone. We don't all fit the same profile. We don't all want to do the same things.

Sit down and figure out what you'd like to do. Do you want to travel? Do you want to be able to cook amazing meals for people? Want to be a beermaster?

What will make you happy and as a result engage with new and cool people around you?


Plus, practice, practice, practice being social. It'll come to you.


Good luck.

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