just awaiting the break up confirmation...

[chrissyoh]

First time poster but i used to read this site a lot about a year ago during another break-up. Anyway, i don't think im after advice just really want to write this down to get it off my chest so here goes... a brief history, we were in uni together were friends for a long time there (not realising that we both liked each other.. d'oh) then after uni (she moved back to her hometown about 100 miles away) we stayed in touch going through bouts of talking loads or not talking much, anyway about 5 months ago we were going through a talking stage and it just kept going, we decided to meet up and things just went from strength to strength, so we decided that even though there was distance we should give it ago. we did and its been great, we've both never done anything like it before but everything was going well, we were able to see each other a lot etc etc! however tonight, completely out of the blue (and by this i mean the night before she was saying how happy she was with everything etc) she has decided to question the relationship and now says she doesnt know wat she want etc etc! so she has asked for a bit of time saying she doesnt wanna leave me but it doesnt feel right at the moment (an oxymoron if ever there was one) and she needs a bit of time. So i didnt reply and will give her the time she needs to pluck up the courage to break up with me... im feeling pretty damn low and dont think im gonna sleep tonight waiting for the axe to fall!! depressing right!? anyway if u read this, thanks, sorry for boring ya, the bad spelling/grammar and overuse of the word "etc" im just a lazy typer

[chrissyoh]

figure i'll give this an update to help with the mental therapy and to keep my massive 37 viewees interested.... well i didnt text her and she text me tonight, same shizzle though, im confused yadda yadda, some of the negatives used were "i dont feel like ur boyfriend" "i feel single when we arent talking" "feels like we arent a couple, more that we are just seeing each other" followed by stuff like "im happy when im talking to u" "i cant imagine not talking to u everyday" "i've missed u today" so yeah, im neither here nor there i guess although i think it ended kinda positively... i gave the cheesiest think with ur heart and not ur head line quoting the positive stuff she said and she came back with i think u might be right so i just told her i'll give her the time she needs with no pressure. thats it, boring i know, but i feel better writing this out and getting it off my chest! if u are one of my avid 37 viewees i hope u enjoy my tales! until tomorrow people... maybe

[DylanNotorious]

I was part of the 37 viewers.

[chrissyoh]

i'd like to take this chance to thank you and all the other 36 people ;-)

[chrissyoh]

oki doki so it happened tonight, she dropped me! from everything to nothing in 2 days without an argument, just out of the blue randomness and through text as well.... wow i musta meant a lot anyway, i calmly said i cant be friends (she asked for that) thanks for her honesty, i hope her and her son have a good christmas and goodbye! no ranting or raving like i really want to (thanks to this site i may add, it really does help, even if u only take bits or peices from it). now its time for complete no contact, have taken myself off facebook (more cos i cant be bothered at the mo to deal with the questions). i know cos of the way it happened she will miss me as much as i miss her, its a shame, unlike a few of my previous relationships we really were good together. so i'm gonna be a regular reader on here for a few days and then im getting on with my life. she lost me, not the other way around and i know that so i will put a smile on my face and carry on... still doesnt stop it hurting though...

[chrissyoh]

hmmm i really feel the need to rant tonight and figure i'd do it here and not to her. Really going through one of those questioning the no contact phases, just feel that cos we split with no argument and distance being her only issue that i coulda said something instead of my blunt "no i cant do friendship, thanks for being honest with me, have a good christmas" text! i guess thats my main problem with no contact, im wishing i coulda said things so she would know that i want things sorted. but i know i cant go back now so have gotta go down this route of mine! like most of us here i want reconcilliation, but it will have to be on my terms if she comes back which i doubt! yesterday was good, went out at night with mates, had a few drinks, but i had absolutely no interest in talking to any of the girls we joined (i musta looked like a right boring miserable person) but i still had a good time! today was ok too, went swimming, didnt think of her too much, but tonight it has hit me hard and i am feeling sorry for myself, thats really lame i know but im just being honest! It's weird, i'm so used to her contacting me if we havent spoken for a few hours and now its been a few days and nothing! i try to console myself by saying i know she misses me and i couldnt have done any more to make the relationship better (no lies there, we really didnt argue, not once) but pfffft i still feel it eating away at the pit of my stomach! the feeling will go one day, i cant wait!! oh well, as they say.... tough times don't last, tough people do thats my little rant over, sorry people

[Mr Man]

Hi there mate.

 

Not being friends is a very, very wise move on your part. But let me add something for you to consider:

 

You don't want her back. You may think you do, but you don't! Why? Because she lost interest for whatever reason - that isn't necessarily a reflection of you, but is a reflection of her - so try not to take it to heart too much. If she lost interest once, it is very likely she's lose interest twice... or three times... You don't want her back, it's way too much trouble than it's worth - and she isn't worth your time anymore. If you hope she'll come back - you're delaying your healing, and if she does come back and you accept her back into your life again, she probably will just end up leaving again. You'll find someone much better and one day soon you'll look back and laugh.

 

Chances are that she'll reach out to you sometime soon-ish. Don't look forward to it! Prepare for it, and this is my advice to you: If (when) she reaches out, don't just ignore her - it's childish and she'll only keep calling you which will cause you to waste your time and energy thinking about her! Instead - pick up and say something like 'hi, listen you're a lovely person and you haven't done anything wrong but you need to respect what i want. We aren't friends and I'll never take you back. We had a run and it didn't work out. I'd rather if we just never see or talk to eachother ever again, it's more elegant that way. I really wish you all the best. Take care.' If you do that then you are taking all the control, killing your hope, keeping your dignity, rejecting her, behaving maturely, and you get your no contact. Simple. It will make your life a hell of a lot easier!

[chrissyoh]

hey Mr Man (weird that your name on here is one of the pet names she used for me, its those little things that unexpectedly pop up that just twiddle the strings a bit ) you are of course right and i am looking forward to those feelings of not wanting her back, at the moment i have to be honest to myself and say i do but i'm clever enough not to fall straight back in line if it ever were to happen. i dont think she will get in touch, she has a fantastic stubborn streak but i know thats a good thing!! cannot wait until i'm fully over it, today has not been too bad though... i think i will get there sooner rather than later

[chrissyoh]

okaaaay so i just got my 1st text 3 days in to no contact! its not much, asking how i am, do i hate her and y am i not on facebook... im not gonna reply (for a while at least) i weirdly feel bad for that, even though she dumped me i know she is not a bad person, in fact she is a really beautiful woman in so many ways, but i need to do this for me! the text has cheered me up tough, its always good to know she still cares, even if its not enough!