I Want to be Friends, but She Hates Me!

[LostInTranslation]

I recently made contact with my ex-girlfriend after we've been apart for four months - No Contact for three of those months. My previous post was ...

Spoke With The Ex ... She Still Hates Me!

link removed

 

I tried to keep the conversation very light and positive without mentioning us like everyone suggests. I said I had thought of her and wanted to see if she was okay. But she was very mean and didn't have much to say. In fact, her last words were, "Don't call me!" - I guess better than her previous last words of "I Hate You!" I wished her the best and haven't spoken to her since.

 

What I'm having trouble with is explaning how can she still be so mad and hateful after four months apart and three months of No Conact? We were together for five years that were mostly good times. She's the one who lied for months and left me for someone else. Although I pressured her to stay with me and acted immaturely during our breakup, I don't see why she wouldn't be over the hurt and anger by now.

 

I have moved on and have been dating again, but I am still healing. She didn't call me on my birthday and that really hurt considering I spent my last five with her. I just don't understand her hateful behavior.

 

I sincerely don't want her back as a girlfriend, but what I do want is to be able to talk to her occasionally as friends. I miss the best friend I had in her more than the girlfriend. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how I could get her to open up to me again? I've given her time and space but it looks like she'll never make a move towards me. Also, can anyone explain why time hasn't taken her anger away? It has for me.

 

Thanks in advance.

[adrian777]

The best thing you can do, I think, is to not contact her. If she feels so strongly about it to where she won't talk to you then I don't think a friendship would be possible at this time. There is nothing you can do to make her open up, on the contrary it has been my experince that the more you try the worst it gets and the more distance she will put between the two of you. Maybe in time she will miss your friendship and come around.

 

Some people sometimes hold on to anger as a means of keeping someone at bay whether it is because they were hurt by that person or they feel guilty about something or whatever other reason.

[SteveNaive]

Hello...

 

It is quite a common thing what you described...one partner hates the other after breaking up. One reason for this is simply self protection. It is much easier to walk away from someone you hate. So you keep telling yourself how bad he or she was. I know it´s an awful thing to do, but unfortunately a lot of people do that. Because breaking up is always painful. Breaking up on good terms virtually impossible... Hate just makes it so much easier for someone to go. I am kinda experiencing the same. One day my ex asks me to keep contact, another day she´ll hate me for that... Let her go, let her hate you, honestly there is nothing that you could change about it no matter how hard you try. She does not WANT to like you at the moment...

[outrageousxo]

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