Need Advice Fast.

[alona125]

I need some advice on what to do when I meet my "boyfriend" tomorrow for lunch. Sorry, its a little long.

 

We have decided (see previous posts) to see other people if/until we are able to get along. I don't agree with someone he is keeping in his life , and we constantly argue about it.

 

I have been doing ok since then. He has been out of state for a week, and I have not seen him for about 2 wks. I haven't called him once, but I DO answer his calls and respond to his texts.

 

He called me yesterday and said he would call me later and see what I was doing. He didn't call me after that, just tx me at 12am saying that he missed me and hoped I was doing ok. Then right after the text he emails me saying we should get together bc he wants to spend some time with me.

 

So, to make a long story short, we talked today, and I told him I was free today and tomorrow. He just says, "oh, lets just meet tomorrow aft for lunch."

 

I may be overreacting, but I haven't seen him in about two weeks, and he has made time to see his buddies, but it kinda seems like he is putting me last.

 

Anyways, I shouldn't let this upset me, but I still have feelings for him, and he seems to be leading me on, then kinda lets me down over and over.

 

I just need to know what I should say/do tomorrow. I'm meeting him at a restaurant, not his house, on purpose. I am so confused as to what to do with him, so I just need some advice. Should I just play it cool and see how things go, or just be firm and end what I think may be going nowhere. I hope I make sense.

[Tinkerbell]

It seems to me that you've already made up your mind about your relationship going nowhere, so I don't think there would be much of a point in "playing it cool." Had you not added this piece of information I would've suggested that you go with the flow and see if any sparks fly, making sure not to come off too strong in order not to push him away. This person in his life that you do not agree with is female, right? Have they been friends for a very long time or is she new? I would think that if he really loved you he wouldn't keep someone in his life who was interfering with your relationship, but you haven't given me enough details to tell anything for sure.

Anyway, I hope this has helped, and if you'd like to post more about the details of the relationship perhaps I can give you some more advice.

Take care!

[alona125]

Yes, this friend of his is female, and he dated her for a year on and off before he met me. He claims they just have small issues to work out, but to give him time. I was getting sick of giving him time, because it seemed like nothing was happening. (He treated me like a girlfriend, and spent almost all of his time with me in the beginning, before we started fighting about it constantly.)

 

I don't know if I was pushing "us" to much, but I wanted it to be me and him. I am more of the commitment type. He says I was rushing it.

 

He said he loved me every day, but his actions wouldn't show it. He claims he is not sexually attracted to her, its more on an emotional level. Whatever, like that makes me feel better. I just think he is not ready to commit now, and that he may not ever be ready.

 

I guess I said "play it cool" because I do want it to work between us, I just don't know if I am wasting my time in believing him that this girl will be short term in his life. I am so confused, and I know this shouldn't be in a relationship, but its' so hard to let go when you still see some hope.

 

Anyways, your post gave me some good advice, and I hope this gave you more info. Thanks.

[Tinkerbell]

Who does this guy think he is, juggling you and someone else at the same time? And then he has the nerve to ask for more TIME? He claims his attraction for her isn't physical and that he loves you, yet he hardly spends any time with you and prefers to "work it out" with her? I'm sorry, but the whole thing sounds rather fishy to me. If his actions aren't showing that he cares for you than you shouldn't bother with this guy, it seems as though he hasn't decided which of the two of you he wants yet, since unfortunately he can't have you both at the same time. If I were you, I really wouldn't bother with him, unless of course I was still in love with him, than I would make it clear that he either dedicates himself to me or gets lost, love shouldn't be conditional.

[alona125]

You are right on. I know all of this to be true, sometimes love just makes you so stubborn.

 

I told him he needs to eliminate her from his life, but he tells me I am overreacting, and that they are not involved like I think they are. OK. He did spend a lot of time with me, that was the thing, but not as much now.

 

I don't think he wants a relationship with her, he just can't stop contact with her for some reason. Probably like what he's doing to me.

 

I guess tomorrow I will just see what happens, and if he plays with my head one more time, I will just leave, then not answer anymore of his calls or emails.

 

Thanks so much.

[Tinkerbell]

That's a good idea, remember to be strong, you don't need someone in your life who doesn't appreciate you.

I hope it all works out for the best!