Starting the NC approach -- can someone give me advice?

[raccoon]

Hello all,

I have a question about starting the whole no contact thing... and would like if anyone could offer me advice.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me almost a week ago, and I think I handled it fairly well except for one big slip-up. I was very good when he sat me down to have his talk. He told me he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that he didn't want to lead me on (it had been 8 months). I was really very good, saying things like, "You know how I feel about you, but if this is what you believe is best for you, then I'll have to accept that." Really, I was very good, didn't cry in front of him, didn't make a scene. I was the guy you'd always wanted to break up with!

 

But the very next day (after not sleeping and not eating anything) I e-mailed him what I thought at the time was a beautiful letter, but now I realize was really pathetic... (Quick excerpt: "I've never cared about anyone or anything as much as I do you" "I know that our relationship is worth salvaging" pretty weak stuff)

 

Well, he wrote back briefly thanking me for the nice letter and telling me that he would call if I wanted to talk. And he did call me when he said he would and left a message, telling me that he was calling because he said he would, and if I want to talk I can call him back. (which is actually a really kind thing to do I guess).

 

Anyway, that was a few days ago, I haven't called and have been following good advice from friends and from reading posts on this site. I went out and bought a box of Nicirette gum and joined a gym (and was surprised to find that it's really a lot of fun!) But it's still so lonely without him.

 

My question is, I kind of want to apologize for the e-mail I sent. Of course I'd still love to have him back, but I don't want to be that pathetic guy badgering him with i love you's. Not very attractive, and I undrstand that that would only drive him further away. Is it ok to break NC to appologize for a slip up in the past? Something along the lines of, 'Sorry I sent you that letter, it wasn't very considerate. I just wanted to say good luck and I wish you all the best. Goodbye'

 

Would that help or hurt?

Can someone please help?

[wickedbusa]

Raccoon,

 

Do not apologize for what you did. At the moment, you felt it was the right thing to do. But after that is all said and done, begin NC. You seem to be very strong and that is an admirable trait. You are beginning to focus on yourself and that is a good thing. It will be hard to adjust to not having him around, but as you will see, you will realize that you can be without him and still be ok. Let him come to you. If and when he comes back, you will have to decide whether you want him back. Keep doing what you are doing and make yourself the center of your world.