A question I can't seem to answer..

[Wildncrazzy4u172]

Okay well I have a long distance boyfriend. He lives about 250 miles from me. Anyways we recently started talking on the phone again after about 2 1/2 months because he said he needed time. Anyways, I know I love him, in a sense that I care about him because we have been friends for a long time. Its just I know he loves me so much, and when I tell him I love him, like later on I'll think to myself.." Do I really love him?" Its just I can never tell whether my feelings are true, or its just something I made myself come to believe. I don't want to go on telling this guy i love him when I don't REALLY know... At first I thought i loved him more than anyone I have ever known, but now that so much has happened between us, like all the bad things we've gone through I just don't feel the same way i use to about him. About a week ago he asked me to marry him.. so I know he is serious about me, I just don't know whether I'm as serious about him. Can someone please give me some advice?

 

Thanks

~Jenn

[Gilgamesh]

Youll know for sure, if you breakup, but then it may be too late to reverse it.

 

Are you sure your not getting cold feet? make sure about your feelings is it a commitment issue?,or a well founded doubt?

 

couple of quotes:

 

"Take a look at what you have. Think of all you did to get it. Remember it only takes one second to lose."

 

"I thought I loved him, but he had to break my heart for me to know what true love really is."

[Wildncrazzy4u172]

Thanks for your help.

 

I actually have lost him a couple times and trust me... I'm misrable without him. But on the other hand, when everything is okay between us I don't really feel what I feel for him when we're having problems. Its like I have him so I don't have to worry about him going anywhere. I know that isn't right, but what does all of it mean? I want to know that my love is true love, or whether its not.

 

Thanks

~Jenn

[Gilgamesh]

I understand a little of what you may be thinking and its could be true. It could be your with him for the comfort of knowing someone loves you, it makes you feel loved but you may not really love him.

 

i think if you love someone, youd want to be with them, and cant wait to be in their arms, it pleases you more to please them, then your self. you long for their kisses, and think about them all the time.

 

if your unsure, then I wouldnt make any commitment, but give it a chance, I think you guys need to spend sometime together so you can be sure.

 

I really feel sorry for this guy, if its a no go for you, because its what happened to me, and boy am I suffering.

[simulacra]

Long distance relationships are harder to gauge in terms of intimacy/closeness than normal relationships. The reason being, you are constantly fluctuating between feeling secure and distant in the relationship. The thing about long distance relationships is that you can never really be sure which factors are affecting the fluctuations (ie. is it the stresses and limitations of the distance, or is it the way the two of you actually relate and communicate). I think in some ways, that's what you're trying to figure out now -- the reasons why you love him -- do you just care about him deeply or are you in love with him?

 

Some questions you might want to ask yourself are:

-Why are you with him?

-How are you compatible/good for each other?

-How would things be different this wasn't a long distance thing and there were less fluctuations? Would you gravitate closer to him or feel you don't really need him?

-What do you see in your future, eventually?