What's With All The Double Talk? - For The Guys Only Please

[GymSweetie]

My friend & I were sexually intimate 5 months ago and neither of us has been with anybody else since then. He hurt his back a few days ago & I was feeling very empathetic and yes, I am in love with him so...

 

I offered "if I can help you with anything, just let me know".

 

To that he first, jokingly replied, "You can get me a hooker". Then, more matter-of-fact, he said, "What I really need is a girlfriend, one who is about 40 yo."

 

We are both 40ish...

 

I'm so confused. Is he shy? Why can't he just ask me out? I want to be with him so much...I think maybe he wants to be with me, too but may just want sex with no strings and doesn't quite know how to ask me for that.

 

On the other hand, he says what he really needs is a 40 yo girlfriend...I am 40ish.

 

What is he really saying...Does he want a relationship or just sex? And, more importantly...bearing in mind that he and I have been sexually intimate...Would he even say this to me if he were not interested in pursuing some sort of relationship with me?

 

Any feedback is very much appreciated.

 

Thanks Guys

[JonnyG]

hhhhhhmmmm, difficult to say. He may be trying to hint that he is more interested in u than just sex, and is trying to guess by your responses how u feel. Or he might be trying to show u that he is interested in other people who are 40ish but not u, but doesn't want to hurt u by telling u straight but is indirectly saying others.

 

U could always come clean and tell him how u feel. Tell him u are starting to feel more close to him than just sex and that if he doesn't feel the same way mayb u should tone it down/try to stop seeing each other in that way?

[alexander]

Sounds like he wants a relationship to me, although you obviously know him much better than I.

 

Explain your intentions to him and ask him out.

The world would be a much happier place if women didn't always wait on guys.

[musicalone]

I totally agree with Alexander.

 

Personally, I don't really see any "double talk." He said "40" and you're, what, 44? Not much of a difference. It could be just as simple as him rounding/being general in his speech, as I've heard people do this before when they talk about age...for example, my sister is dating a guy who is 25, and I'm 23, but my parents always declare that he is my age. And, trust me, they know damn well how old he is since they can't get over the age difference (because my sister is 33). If he truly DOES mean "40," he's a picky sonofagun!

 

And if you're worried about the hooker thing, it was probably just a simple joke. I think you're thinking a little too much, and you're confusing yourself, basically.

 

If you want to be with him so much, why not just have "the relationship talk?" I'm not entirely sure because I've never just had casual sex with a woman and never will, but it seems like guys in these types of relationships basically just wait for women to have the "talk" with them because it seems like the women almost always eventually do since the women are almost always the ones who end up developing feelings. So the guys who just want casual sex probably suspect it will come but pray that it won't (or already be trying to think of a nice way to tell her he doesn't want a real relationship with her) while the guys who are thinking of a relationship might suspect it and just wait for her to bring it up. Sounds like your guy might be of the latter case, by what he has said to you.

 

[Bongo]

well, if you think back at the moment, did he make eye contact? check you out? did he stutter? thats a sign of shyness. but i dunno about a 40yo man. iv not been a relationship in a long time and notime soon, but its pretty much a matter of what you decide, life is all risk, so take it. (also if he jokes alot too).

[GymSweetie]

Hi,

 

JonnyG, he revealed me to some really close friends this weekend...(a married couple) he has known for a long time. We ended up staying the night at their gorgeous home.

 

Alexander, it was your input that turned me away from my negative way of perceiving the situation.

 

Musicalone, my "friend" is a high profile authority figure with alot going on so I guess his vagueness and the fact that he is very particular were sending me mixed messages. I guess he really was just trying to get some feedback from me about how my feelings for him. I was reading too much into what he was saying.

 

Bongo, you were right on! Yes, he always make really good eye contact with me and no, he doesn't stutter. He also jokes and flirts alot.

 

Thank you all for your posts. It gave me the insight that I needed and I am happy to report that all of you guys are right on! I told him I love him, but he could not return those words. I told him that I'm cool with it b/c I know he has trouble committing.