still down, having nightmares now

[im_the_undead]

so, after posting on here about my issue with my boyfriend's last

sex-apade...... & how the lady he did it with decided it would be just PEACHY to look me up & add me on facebook.. &how miserable it made me feel although my bf & i weren't quite dating when it happened...

 

i cried a lot & searched for comfort from anyone who would listen.

so i thought i found a little bit of peace, atleast within myself, after talking with my sister.. but after speaking to him about my feeling which he tried to understand but hardly could....& going to sleep and having the same .. or nastier nightmare.. i feel sick to my stomach and full of remorse, once again.

 

what in the world do i do..

i feel so helplessly lost right now..

i feel bad about my self once again, angry..

and i have so far rejected 2 of his calls because of my anger & disgust.

maybe if she would have seemed like a normal person it would have slipped my mind..

but the fact that she literally presented herself as a prostitue or something of thatsort on her pictures..

made me sick, because i'm think.. HOLY.. OMG, so he's into fast & easy... and i don't qualify ..

so why would he bounce from fast and easy..

to virginal?

 

i'm thinking he would have enjoyed himself a lot more if he would have stayed on that path and

not have come on mine.. don't understand why he even attended sunday classes where all they spoke about was the importance of abstaining from sex until you find the right person.. he attended all those classes.. which i find retarded, because it defied the purpose of what he desired.

 

anyway if he regreted his choice of messing around with however many people...

and wished to turn a new leaf, good. that's awesome..

however, he should have looked for an individual who was equal/the same... to him.

that way, she would have understood his past mistakes and they would have lived harmoniously.

Yet, he knew from the start i was basically a little church choir singing, innocent girl.. obviously not on the same page as him..

and decided to move forth with the idea of being with me [in every sense of the phrase].

i feel betrayed. if i would have known what were to come, i would have stayed away.

 

[once again, don't judge me.. i'm hurt and confused all in one]

 

why does this happen, i don't even know.

ontop of our many problems, this just makes life WORSE than it already was for me

i hate that woman for sending me a friend request.. & me for clicking on her pics. to see if i knew her from somewhere Dx

fml

 

 

hoooow do i move on w. this