Why am I not moving on ?.

[DannyC]

iTs been 6 months now since I last saw her and I do not think I have moved on whatsoever. Why is this ?. How long does it take to start getting better ?.

[jimmajam]

Because you aren't letting yourself move on and you keep dwelling on it. You need to get to a point where YOU decide it's over and it doesn't matter what she is thinking right now. She might never talk to you again or she might be thinking about coming back right now; you need to accept she left and you're okay in either scenario.

 

The 6 month or so was my turning point where I got used to not talking to her, but it took me til now, a year, to really start feeling okay again. Don't waste a year of your life like I did. Just accept that there isn't much you can do and live your life. Let her come back or stay away forever, because it's her choice.

[bluen]

It's not a race, remember that. You know what the relationship meant to you and how it made you feel. Allow yourself to heal and in time things will get better. As long as you are focusing on yourself 100% because right now thats all that matters. I am coming up on 10 months post BU and I am just now starting to feel remotely better. It still stings here and there but, I can't control her or the decisions she makes, only my own. Worry about you and things will work out as they should. Take care of yourself.

[Eddie37]

It just takes a while for those bonds to be broken. We can't break them ourselves, they just dissolve in time. Look forward, not back. The more distance you gain between you and her...the more she'll fade, the more the past will fade into history. You're doing fine.

[marshmlofluff]

iTs been 6 months now since I last saw her and I do not think I have moved on whatsoever. Why is this ?. How long does it take to start getting better ?.

 

Sometimes it's like an injury healing...it happens so slowly that you don't notice that it is getting better. But I bet if you could go back and see how you were feeling six months ago, you probably *have* gotten much better. If you try to think about things you couldn't do six months ago that you are doing now I am sure you will come up with some.

 

Six months after the end of a 4.5 year relationship I was feeling like I had made no progress. Then I remembered that in the first few days after my breakup, I couldn't eat, sleep, or function--obviously six months later things could not possibly have been as bad, otherwise I would have starved to death. I had improved, just I had forgotten what a bad place I was in in the immediate aftermath, so that I was comparing to the wrong thing.

 

Six months is not long after the end of a four year relationship. Give yourself time, and be gentle with yourself. Work as hard as you can at moving on, and take good care of your body which will help you to feel better. Then if you have done your best then don't feel bad for not being where you "should" be. Sometimes people quote a rule of thumb that says 100% healing can take up to half as long as the relationship lasted; I hope it doesn't take that long for you, but be aware that the time scales can be long, but that things DO get better.