Sick of being let down.

[empiresdance]

I have a friend that a have known for 13 years, at every important moment in my life they always let me down. I feel like a massive joke.

[empiresdance]

I'm really low and I need support, I have no one to turn to. I'm used all the time for advice and help and I give the best I can, but when I need someone no-one calls.

 

There are just somethings you can't deal with by yourself.

[LBP]

Please elaborate. It helps us answer if we know the context.

[empiresdance]

I'll try, Well this is my best friend from school, we still have great times together...

 

but many things have happened in my life that have not happened to him

 

My older brother has been violent towards me for most of my life.

 

My Mother is mentally ill.

 

I have an illness called FMS which is chronic pain/fatigue.

 

But on the possitive side of things I gained a first class degree, got accepted to a good University to study for a masters and I have a nice flat.

 

I find when I have some good news it gets ignored and when I have bad news I'm avoided completely.

 

I know that he sometimes can not deal with the bads things and I thinks thats ok but I really do feel used because its like he puts all his problems on to me but I get no help in return... ever.

[LBP]

I find when I have some good news it gets ignored and when I have bad news I'm avoided completely.

 

I know that he sometimes can not deal with the bads things and I thinks thats ok but I really do feel used because its like he puts all his problems on to me but I get no help in return... ever.

 

Have you mentioned this to him?

[empiresdance]

Yeah but It's seems he can't take talking about these sort of things unless its about his world, too heavy a conversation will send him into a depression. I feel this is more then a bit selfish but at the same time he is a great person and I would never want to loose contact.

 

He knows my thoughts on that but now I'm getting the feeling that I really can't be bothered with him and his petty problems. Mixed emotions.

[LBP]

Yeah but It's seems he can't take talking about these sort of things unless its about his world, too heavy a conversation will send him into a depression. I feel this is more then a bit selfish but at the same time he is a great person and I would never want to loose contact.

 

He knows my thoughts on that but now I'm getting the feeling that I really can't be bothered with him and his petty problems. Mixed emotions.

 

What you've described is a friend who believes in keeping an uneven relationship. You *must* respect his issues, but he has no obligation to respect yours. The only way to deal with that is to take a stand and then walk the walk.

 

If you are okay with maintaining an uneven relationship (and *please* expressly deliver your opinion if the opposite is true) then let things rest. If not, do something about it. That could mean losing a friend but, and this is more important, replacing him with self-respect.

[empiresdance]

I don't know anyone who is okay with maintaining an uneven relationship,(that really sounds like bollocks) I'm definitely not, but It's not a life and death situation to me. I have my self-respect and he knows it, its just that feeling that no-one cares that is very depressing.

[LBP]

I don't know anyone who is okay with maintaining an uneven relationship,(that really sounds like bollocks) I'm definitely not, but It's not a life and death situation to me. I have my self-respect and he knows it, its just that feeling that no-one cares that is very depressing.

 

Well, if keeping him as a friend is more important to you than having an even relationship, by definition you are okay with it.

 

Are you okay with not doing anything about it??