Confused about my healing process

[jennb0benn]

As most of you know, I've been in NC for 2 months from an extremely bitter end of a two-year relationship. I was a wreck at the beginning (understatement) but have been healing since then. I've been concentrating on school, gym, and just trying to be good to myself.

 

Well, I feel so happy today...I no longer feel bitter and angry towards my ex. I am very close to completely forgiving him and myself. He's with someone else which hurt me for a bit, but I just realized that we've been over for a while now and I should only worry about myself. I miss him still occasionally, but honestly he's beginning to fade into a memory.

 

Although I'm doing well, I'm still hesitant about my healing process. There is someone involved. We genuinely like each other. I flirt here and there with other people, but it's nothing serious. But with the guy I like, it's different...I know that my healing process had to have been sped up because of this new guy.

 

I like him a lot and he does me too, but is this right to already become emotionally involved? We are not official because I told him my situation and he understands..

[coolchick64]

I think if you've been open with him about your situation, you shouldn't hesitate to move forward with him and see what happens. Glad to hear you're doing so well!

[lana111]

as long as you are being honest with yourself and this guy about your feelings, boundaries, and capabilities, i think you will be okay.

[jennb0benn]

as long as you are being honest with yourself and this guy about your feelings, boundaries, and capabilities, i think you will be okay.

 

Yeah, but it seems like getting emotionally involved in this time frame after a break-up is looked down in these forums..

[Cadence44]

I know that my healing process had to have been sped up because of this new guy.

 

That's an illusion. That healing has simply been delayed by the arrival of the new shiny thing in your life. You'll still need to do it.

 

Is this the friend that you posted about? The one where you were talking about letting him down easy, but then a week later decided you liked him? If so, to me this has rebound written all over it.... The fact that your ex has since found someone else, that this guy was your friend and was professing his love to you and it took you a bizarrely short period of time to switch from not not liking him in a romantic way to deciding that you did like him. You may just like the attention that he is giving you.

 

Be careful of sidestepping your healing by being distracted by someone else. If you do really like this guy, taking it very slowly will mean that there is a better chance that it will not crash and burn. If instead you look to your friend to make you feel better about yourself by his affection mending your wounded ego, be prepared to double the heartache all around.

 

... And yes, that sort of stuff is frowned upon in this forum. There's no need to take that risk with the heart of someone else. Be single for awhile and begin another relationship when you've healed without the aid of another person.

[jennb0benn]

My feelings didn't just "turn on" for this new guy. I stated in another forum that I had liked him for awhile and was in denial before admitting that not only did I like him, but was developing feelings. And his attention isn't the reason because I like him. I like him because I like him.