Lack of affection?

[lana111]

Im have been seeing someone since March. We are not at all affectionate with each other unless we are trying to initiate sex.

 

Well, I shoudlnt say at all. There are a few times when I tried to be and a couple times he has, but there is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less affection in this relationship than any other Ive been in. Of course, this depends on me too, but it's like we missed the affection boat.

 

Whats with that? Does it seem to you that its just not his thing, or does it seem like he is uncomfortable with it? Please ask for any details you need.

[Stay_home]

Have you ever tried talking to him about the lack of affection in the relationship? Start there first and see where it goes, but also give him an opportunity to come to a compromise. He may not know that there's anything wrong if you haven't talked to him about it, first.

[lexygirl57]

Hi lana,Yeah I went through similar circumstances.I think some guys are just very uncomfortable with the affection that we ladies so enjoy. I read a book from a very good author on relationships and he said that sex for a guy is how he feels warm loving feelings for his woman. He said the sexual contact for guys helps him to get in touch with his love feelings where as we ladies are touched ,and in more ways than one,through our emotions. it makes a whole lot of since but still I know you want him to show you. It might help if you tell him that you need for him to try and show you more closeness before the hop into bed and that you will be so much more eager for him and to love him if he will try to understand and do this for you. I do hope it works out for you.!

[lana111]

i have not talked to him about it, bc its really not a big deal at this point. but if we continue on it would bother me, which i guess means i need to address it now bc i cant continue on not saying anything and then SURPRISE! i tell him im bothered by something that wasnt a problem for X months hahah.

[lana111]

he has def become more affectionate in the bedroom, so i think your info could be right. it would def turn me on if he was more affectionate all the time though.

[lexygirl57]

Yeah ,I like the thing about walking down the road and having no one bother you.I like my alone time as it really allows me to de-stress and I suppose that that having no one to bother you can be one of the things we get when we are a little bit older. Although the fifties is not all that it is cracked up to be because here I am alone all the time and no one to share with whatever it may be. The thing now I have learned is that that someone has to be someone you really want it to be and not someone you are stuck with.

[lexygirl57]

See that's what I'm talking about. If the male sex would only get that through their head we would all be happier.

[lana111]

yep. i never noticed how important it was bc the couple other guys i dated wer always very affectionate.

[oldenoughtoknow]

Are you affectionate with him?

 

I completely understand that some guys are just not very affectionate. But there are also some guys who are somewhat flexible and try to match the level of affection they receive...my point is that if you are letting him lead on this one without any guidance, it may well spiral into oblivion.

[lana111]

not really. like i said i tried a few times and he did a few. its just like... when we lay down we arent automatically snuggled up next to each other at any point. we get our faces real close and sorta flirt with our eyes and smiles in bed/on the couch... but we dont cuddle. we dont hold hands. he doesnt put his arm around me. its odd.

 

i guess ill have to put myself out there and initiate it more.

[cazmoore]

you might have to be the initiator. I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend, and we've dated for over 2 years... I've found out though that he is extremely insecure and had issues with both is parents and that's pretty much why he is the way he is. We broke up over it, and I found out that other girls have dumped him for the exact same reasons. I told him I just couldn't do it any longer and I needed to be touched, and hugged and told 'I love you'. He said he can 'be that guy' but I don't think so.. you can't change something like that. I get fed up initiating it and saying 'I love you' all the time and never hearing it from him.

[Stay_home]

Yeah ,I like the thing about walking down the road and having no one bother you.I like my alone time as it really allows me to de-stress and I suppose that that having no one to bother you can be one of the things we get when we are a little bit older. Although the fifties is not all that it is cracked up to be because here I am alone all the time and no one to share with whatever it may be. The thing now I have learned is that that someone has to be someone you really want it to be and not someone you are stuck with.

 

Don't know if this post was in reference to my signature. If it is, thank you for taking the time to read it. I don't base my happiness on life anymore whether I have anybody or not. I've seen a lot of things that this life can do to you. Being involved is not the end of the success ladder and it's certainly not the beginning. It's an addition as you climb the ladder of life. With or without, I'm going to make the best out of what I do have going for me.

[Stay_home]

See that's what I'm talking about. If the male sex would only get that through their head we would all be happier.

 

If only women would understand that we don't read minds and we don't all speak the same code, then we'd be even more happier. Look, if you want a guy to really know what it is that you're trying to convey, just tell him or talk to him about it so that he can know. Using subtle hints, clues and mind tactics defeat the purpose of the education. If he's doing something wrong, it would be more beneficial to you if you told him what it was so that he could correct it.

[lana111]

caz- i dont think its an insecurity thing, or a family thing... but it could be that he just doesnt know how to be 'that guy'.