advice?

[JD1234]

Here is my story.... I've been dating this girl for about a year. About 6 months into it, I start getting "bored" and get the feeling that I need more free time, I'm feeling sufficated, etc. That goes away and things are pretty good for awhile. Then starting at about 9 months this "bored" feeling takes over again. She is fun and loving and hot and giving...yet I'm bored. Over the next few months, I get more and more bored. We never had any fights, ever. Generally agree on things, and get along well and have fun. Eventually in addition to getting bored, I start getting physically repulsed by her. Her smell bothers me, the feel of her skin bugs me, her breath bugs me. We have great sex, but really no kissing. The little messes she makes and the crap she leaves around my house bug me. All of this comes to a head and so a week ago I break up with her. I don't really have a good reason, other than "while we get along great and we are good friends and we have great sex, it seems like the "spark" is not there, it doesn't really feel like a romantic relationship, it feels like something is missing, it doesn't feel like this is going anywhere." This is all true, but doesn't really get to the root of the problem, which is that I am sick of her, even though she is cool. Fast forward a few days, and now I'm really confused. I do miss her. I feel very bad about hurting her, I feel guilt over initiating this break-up (which really surprised her) without a really good reason. I guess I'm feeling a bit lonely now....I was sick of her, and now without her i'm lonely. Overall I still feel like I did the right thing, since if I would have just let things gone along 1) I wouldn't have been very happy, and 2) it would have been stringing her along. So I guess my question is this: Is this a normal story? Does this kind of thing happen to others? Did I do the right thing? I'm just a bit confused.

[biggerheart]

Well, if the spark was there, then gone, then there, then gone...it's a good part you. The initial fun phase of learning about this mysterious person and lusting after something new is really fun, then comes the part of the relationship that involves work. Sustaining the highs and getting over natural urge to want that feeling of the initial period all the time takes effort. You have to figure out if there is something there that you should fight for and your "wanderlust" is betraying what is good for you, or if it was kind of an empty pairing where you two only had sex but not good for each other in any other way. Someone can be cool and still not a good match for you. First question is does the bored feeling happen to you often in dating?

[MikNomis]

It's normal for you to feel lonely right now, even if that was what you wanted initially. But, it is possible that maybe you were seeing her too much and things are maybe very routine that the spark seemed to be lost. In any case, yes it's common for the dumper to feel lonely from the breakup as well.

[sahasupa]

Does this kind of thing happen to others? Did I do the right thing? I'm just a bit confused.

 

Yes and yes.