Where do I begin...

[MaverickHuntrX]

I kinda happened to come accross this forum by accident, but it seemed there's people who've been through some of the same things I'm going through so maybe I might stand a chance of this making sense...

 

You see, I'm a 25 year old tech support geek from West Texas, and right now I feel like I'm literally going through hell. There's a chance I'm about to get laid off from my job (which I hate anyway), all I'm basically seen as is what I can do for people, and quite frankly I'm at the end of my rope.

 

They tell me they love me, they appreciate me, yet when I go in seeking help I'm automatically told I'm the outcast, that I just need to "suck it up and deal." Deal with what? The fact that people are using me for what I can do for them, and as soon as I've outlived my usefulness, I'm cast to the side like yesterday's news. It tends to wear on your nerves after a while.

 

On top of that, I've had to step in and play a father to two beautiful little girls because the men who are their actual fathers are completely worthless. Don't get me wrong, I love the two little girls to death, but why pray tell am I being made to step into a role that I never really was prepared for nor did I want?

 

Then I have people who call me at all hours, telling me that they need me to drop what I'm doing (even if I'm sleeping because I work at night) and even though I leave my phone's ringer off I find myself with about 1400 missed calls from that individual. *sigh*

 

You see where I'm going with this?

 

I can't get anything right, I can't do anything right...I might as well just drop off the grid, unwept and unsung.

[doityourself]

Can I ask couple questions?

 

Why are you taking care of 2 little girls when you dont want to? Who are they to you?

 

Jobs are f-in stressful these days, they want and want but dont want to give back. My H also works with computers and people are always asking for help, but let us ask for something and it feels like we are begging.

 

You might need to tell others to step back that youve got to have some air to breathe, to focus.

[MaverickHuntrX]

doityourself-

 

The reason I'm doing so is because no one else will. They're the daughters of an old friend of mine, and basically I've had to step in to be a father figure because one's father is just useless and the other one...yeah, we won't go there. They're my nieces, and I'm doing my best to try and be there for them but at the same time it's like "Why am I doing this?" This is not my fight, not my job...yet at the same time I'm still there. Like a part of me is saying I can't be heartless to these two little girls- they didn't pick their parents, so why should they be forced to suffer?

 

Exactly. We're forced to work long hours, and if we don't work them we get screwed. The economy's in the toilet...which in turn is making finding work a pain in the neck.

 

I've tried...now I think I've damaged things. *shrugs*

[doityourself]

Wow, have you spoke to your friend about how you feel? Maybe explain your willing to help out but your only 25 and these are not your responsiblity and its becoming to much for you. I understand you want to help, feel that you need to but you also need to take care of yourself and you will be no help if you keep going the way that you are.

 

Your under alot of stress and need to decide which part your going to take a step back from. We can only do so much as humans.

 

Yes the economy sucks right now, have you looked into temporary agencies or headhunters. I can see if I can get some names from my H thats how he really got started.

I wish you luck

[MaverickHuntrX]

I've not really approached her about the subject because she's got enough on her plate. A single mom with 2 kids...it's a damnable lot we all lead. I try to distance myself from it, and I did manage to get a little solace in the situation yesterday when I held the younger one (she was just born here about 3 days ago.) Still, I can't really bring myself to tell her that I can't take up that role because she's a single parent and trying her damndest to make it on her own.

 

I'm taking a step back for a bit though...trying to get used to working nights and not going in over my head. But up till I began working this job I never had to deal with the symptoms (I have clinical depression, and I'm taking 20 mg of Paroxetine...been on it since February)

[Squiggy]

Sounds like you need some vacation time, or some time alone for yourself. We all need it, especially the stressful days of western life. But having clinical depression, ya you have to find sometime for yourself. The 2 kids, btw that's a really good thing of what you are doing, can be left with her mom, maybe for a week or two. If not, get a babysitter or get someone to look after them while you recharge your batter. Second, you need to shut everything off. I mean everything, television, computers, cell phone. But i'd run that first off with the doctor that prescribed the medicine first, maybe if during your alone time, you may still need that lifeline thing. My sister has bi-polar and dealing with brain health is a tricky one.

 

If alone time isn't your thing. Maybe do that one thing that you know makes you smile. But whichever it is, do it soon! I admire the lifestyle in europe, seems like their lifestyle is so much simplier than ours. Did you know that some places in europe, everything closes down for 2 hours during lunch, so everyone can go home and enjoy a good meal? There are some restaurants too that pride of serving their customers very slow. So that their patrons can engage into more social chatting, and just enjoying everything from the sun rays * * * * * ling at their skin, the smell of fresh baked bread, the taste of balsmic vinegar still at the tip of your tongue, notice the wind brushing through your hair... really neat stuff.

[MaverickHuntrX]

Hopefully I can manage some of that downtime...just sit back and relax, unwind.

[Squiggy]

Easier said than done, but if you give yourself time to picture yourself doing it, while in the elevator, waiting for the bus to come, or in line at an amusement park - it'll bring all your senses closer to achieving that. It doesn't have to be necessarily a vacation, might be something else that you've been wanting to do.

 

When i know i have to reprimand someone at work, serous enough that they have a chance to lose their job, I picture of how the meeting will go. Often enough I make adjustments and change a few things and finalize every detail of the picture - to a point that i'm almost obsessed about it. That when it does happen, you get this great sense of feeling, greater than alcohol, drugs, or money can buy - it's hard to describe it but really, really worth it. Try that, see if it works for you.

 

I've read a lot of self-help books, and i understand how we all need a little nudge to get our lives back on track.

[MaverickHuntrX]

I've got family out of town for this week, so I'm able to take some downtime...hopefully I can use this to catch up on some R&R.

 

It still worries me though.

[Squiggy]

I've got family out of town for this week, so I'm able to take some downtime...hopefully I can use this to catch up on some R&R.

 

It still worries me though.

 

Of course it will... cuz u'r a good guy! You care about the 2 girls and what you do for work.

 

Workwise, it may be tough to see it now, but it doesn't work out for you, then it never will. Might be better off... but take things one day at a time. You'll be fine.

 

As human beings are really good survivors, we've survived a lifetime without television, survived two world wars, made it through medical pandemics, and we can overcome whatever it is that comes at us.

[MaverickHuntrX]

If it were only that simple...

[Squiggy]

Yea life is a complicated thing. But we do it to ourselves by giving ourselves too many options and choices. If you are driving up to an intersection and it's a red light. You have 3 choices when the light turns green. You can keep going in the direction you are heading, you can turn left, or you can turn right. But to make things more complicated, we can also say, lets put the car into park, or lets reverse - we added more choices to see the bigger picture without realizing we just made it more complicated.

 

Same example, if you head onto the intersection, and put a road block up ahead, then we are left with just two decision. we can either go left or go right. there is no putting the car on park, there is no going back to reverse, there is no jumping out of the car and doing a little dance, there's only two decision. Don't get me wrong, I too make my own life difficult. Sometimes we just need a little reminder to bring us back to focus.

[MaverickHuntrX]

I've also started to pick up a little support network here and there...friends I know through the National Novel Writing Month...(insert shameless plug here...)

 

Some of them are going through or have been through the same thing I'm going through. One suggested I pick up a side project. I've got a story working and also trying to expand my collection of Playstation games. (Yes, I'm old school like that. ^_^)

 

The thing that's really bothering me though is when people tell me to pray..I've yet to tell the rest of my family that I'm taking my medicine because once my immediate family found out I got told off, that I'm using the medicine "as a crutch." How am I using the medicine as a crutch if it stops me from taking someone's head off? (Trust me, before I got put on the medicine I was a downright S.O.B., there was no "or flight", there was just fight for me. Truth be told I'm still that way, but I'm a little more patient and levelheaded. Don't get me wrong, if someone takes a swing at me I'll knock their block off.)

 

I don't know...people who I've met online are being a lot more supportive than my own damn family. Someone care to explain to me what the hell is with that flawed damn logic?