loulou37 Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 its friday night, im wondering where he is, what hes up to, whos he with...my god i wish i colud call him and talk with him...im missing him so bad Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Be strong! Just think, by staying silent, you don't give him the knowledge of what you are up to, who you're with etc etc Link to comment
TechResQ Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 stay strong and keep posting here instead of texting or calling him. Link to comment
orillia Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Not sure under what circumstances your relationship broke up, but...believe me, continuing contact after a bad breakup is like flogging a dead horse. I've been doing that the last month. All it does is prolong the pain. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 thanx everyone......im having them horrible urges...i know i cant call him...he said he wants nothing to do with me Link to comment
quirky Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Yes really, don't call him..what's the point? Slather more pain on top of pain? Posting here means you at least care a bit about yourself and your healing. Keep at it, these days/moments come and then they go away. NC was the biggest form of discipline I ever followed, harder than being on a diet. Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 thanx quirky, i know i cant phone or text hed never reply, hes a stubborn pig, even if he wanted to, he never would...hes probably out with some tramp he picked up off the interent anyway...i know him sooooooo well. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Loulou: Do NOT contact this person. hes a stubborn pig, even if he wanted to, he never would...hes probably out with some tramp he picked up off the interent anyway...i know him sooooooo well. This unfortunate episode in your life is over. What on earth is there to love in this man? Maybe it would help to get out a sheet of paper and pen, two columns, and list all his "lovable" traits on one side, and... the abusive traits on the other. Meantime, have a look at this: link removed It is "The Mystery of Loving an Abuser". The other articles are also well worth reading. H Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Share Posted May 21, 2010 he never abused me, he just controlled me, i dont know if you would call that abuse lol, he was very manipulative... Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 21, 2010 Share Posted May 21, 2010 Loulou: Control and manipulation are forms of abuse. You do not have to give someone a black eye for it to become abuse. The reason you are feeling so bad is precisely because you were subjected to abuse. H Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 IMO Loulou it is important that you realise what has happened, so that you can create proper boundaries for the future and live a healthy life. Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness. link removed Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 i feel so bad cause i he thinks i lied and cheated....it wasnt true...i feel hurt that hes there thinking im a liar n cheater. its eating me up inside. this is what i posted in the...what i would say to my ex thread... i never cheated on you, i had the plentyoffish acc way back when we split up, you said i joined it in dec 18, but that wasnt true, it was in october when you dumped me and i returned home....you read it all soo you must know, there was nothing in there!! i told everyone that contacted me that i wasnt looking for anything, id just split with my boyf.. also the facebook, nearly all the guys that were added on there were from when i joined back in june last year, yea i added a few more as i went along, but i was never cheating, i tell you that i never ever even spoke to them on fb, i only went on to talk to my friends....you had tagged the whole first year of our relationship, and i told you all the time it made me feel insecure, but basically you told me to deal with it. it hurt me. well you got what you wanted, i hope your happy....i loved you truly, madly, deeply, youve destoyed me n ill never be the same again...you were my world....goodbye M.x. Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Loulou: If he was accusing you of lying or cheating, then what he was doing (and this is the stock-in-trade of the abuser/controller) is called projection. Projecting on to you. It is typical abuser behaviour. Try to understand this. Please read the link I sent you. No, he has not destroyed you. Do not give him that power. You are in charge of yourself, and somehow you will have to face this adversity and come out the other side stronger for the experience. H Link to comment
loulou37 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Share Posted May 22, 2010 well i can tell you this...im never going to let any of this happen to me again....its been so hard...the relationship and the breaking up, making up, breaking up....its like a cycle.....thanx for your posts H Link to comment
Hermes Posted May 22, 2010 Share Posted May 22, 2010 Thank you, LL. As the other posters have said: try to stay strong. We know it is not easy, because you are stressed and confused. Try, too, to get some rest. H Link to comment
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