Hitting the low again

[Convict7]

Yesterday was an alright day. I didn't cry all day and only really felt bad late late at night. But then I went to sleep and had dream after dream about her. In each one she cared less about me and made me feel worse. I woke up in tears.

 

That wouldn't be so bad if I could have shaken that feeling and had another ok day. But I cant shake it. I feel really low and depressed. The same thing happened the first time we broke up in the same amount of days. Both breakups were on Monday, and by Friday I am desperate to text or call her. It feels awful. She said in the last breakup that me texting set her back in her feelings and thoughts. So I cant do it again.

 

I just feel like I am cut open right in the middle. My stomach hurts, I cant think straight, I just want to curl up and cry all day. It sucks to think I am dealing with all of this and then in one night to feel like I am back to day one. Everyone around me says I am missing what we used to have and shouldn't confuse that with wanting her back as my girlfriend. I don't know what I am confusing with what.

 

Whats worse is that I have a busy weekend coming up and I don't know how I will face it if I feel like this.

[jenna-is-here]

I understand completely. I think it is an ebb and flow. I dont know how I can be okay for 10 mins and then feel like at week 5 I am back at day 1?!?! What is that? I can only hope that time is going to take its course. I am focusing on letting go which is easier said than done.

 

This entire week, I have been waking up at 4am with my head racing. What is that? Then I struggle to go back to sleep. Who wants to lay there in the dark alone with 4 hours to think about things. ARGH! It makes me never want to date again but I know deep down in my heart, that I will think differently someday.

 

I found books are really helpful. I have every breakup book you can imagine. I flip through them constantly. I have since moved onto well-being books. They give a bigger sense of the world and puts our experience into perspective (a time to learn, change and emerge as new person)...

 

Anyway, both you and I know, I cant say much to make you feel better but hang in there. Cry as much as you need. It is always darkest before the dawn.