signs that you were starting to heal and feel better

[jbrooklyn]

I am starting to seek out things that I really like doin. Ive beginning to connect with the music i like. I am starting to look for things to do. I want my house to be clean again. I am starting to feel comfortable breathing...just breathing instead of sighing all the time. I am still crying but not as much. I think I am getting better. What was your signs?

[j.love]

When I went out with my friends and had real fun. I wasn't faking it for theres and my sake, I actually enjoyed myself and didn't miss him that much.

[coolchick64]

At the moment, I'm experiencing a lot of anger which I think is productive because it's obliterated nearly every idealization or romanticized memory I have of him. I feel like I'm breaking up back, if that makes sense. I know that's not exactly what you meant in your post, but to me it feels very healing. I feel strong and more engaged in my own life/future now that I've rejected him in my heart. It doesn't really matter what he does or says now. My focus is on myself. I'm free!!!!!!

[jenna-is-here]

I am sorry to report I dont feel like I have made any progress. I dont know waht I am doing wrong. In the back of my mind, I am still waiting for him to come back and tell me he made a mistake...And I *KNOW* that is what is holding me back. I dont know how to get past that. I feel the same in day 35 as I do at day 1.

 

I guess the **only** thing that I can report has changed is that I can control "when" I cry. I am so envious of all of you.

 

How long has it been since the NC for you three (jlove, jbrooklyn, coolchick64)?

[coolchick64]

LOL. I just had contact with him yesterday! Oh, Jenna. There's a long history here. He broke up with me 9 months ago and during that split, I was just like you. Never gave up. He contacted me all the time. We reconciled for 6 months and then he broke up with me again . . . kinda gradually, actually, over the past few weeks. At this point, he wants to remain friends. I've told him I don't want contact. We live in a small town and see each other all the time. I've blocked him from everything I can but there's one email account he can still reach me through. Completely avoiding him's not an option.

 

Anyway, our most recent contact has been like this. Him: I want to see you. Me: Go to he**. Him: Why can't we be friends? Me: Go to he**. Based on our track record, I don't think he'll ever let go. He won't honor my requests to be left alone. He does what he wants to do. What's different now is I don't want him. When I see him, I feel disgusted. He looks like a little boy to me. Like a worm. I have no desire to talk to him. I don't care what he thinks or wants. It probably took having him put me through the ringer twice to realize this.

 

I think in your situation, you need to think about what's best for Jenna. Does it feel good to hold your heart open to him and idealize the relationship so that you'll be there if/when he comes back? I know what that's like. I did it for 3 months. It's grueling, but maybe that's where you need to be right now.

 

On the other hand, if you really want to let go, you have to decide you don't want him rather than waiting to see what he wants. Maybe your relationship was great, but look at what he's offering you now. Is that something you want? If not, reject it! You'll feel a whole lot better if you do.

[d_lilah]

The biggest sign for me has been that I can now look at photos of him, and us, without feeling heartbroken, angry, alone, or all of the above. I still feel sadness...but it's more of a sadness at how things have changed between us. I see photos of him with his arms around me, and it doesn't hurt anymore.

 

Other than that? I've got my sense of humour back, I enjoy being around people again, and my appetite has returned. I feel more myself.

 

It took almost 5 months to get to this stage. So if it's only a month or two in, don't panic. It'll come.

[ANewMe]

Not too long ago, I was out with some friends and got distracted from our conversation while I was ordering a cocktail. When I turned my attention back to them, they were talking about "Dave" and I said "Dave who?" They looked surprised for a second, then started laughing and said "Dave YOUR EX, that's who!" I was like "OOOOHHHH!" We all got a good laugh out of that

[Little lady]

Well I feel like I'm healing because I've started volunteering, friends I lost contact with I'm contacting them and they're contacting me, making plans with friends, and now I can flirt all I want to and I don't feel guilty. At first I felt a little guilty, but now not so much. Especially when I think that she's already 'dating' someone and they're both telling each other they love each other and I'm pretty sure they had sex already even though she denies it (I saw their e-mails). But that's none of my business now and it's not my problem to worry about. So that has helped push me over, to realize that I don't want to wait around for her and I won't wait around. Also I've started to enjoy the little things again. Stay strong!

[PennyLane09]

The biggest sign for me has been that I can now look at photos of him, and us, without feeling heartbroken, angry, alone, or all of the above. I still feel sadness...but it's more of a sadness at how things have changed between us. I see photos of him with his arms around me, and it doesn't hurt anymore.

 

Other than that? I've got my sense of humour back, I enjoy being around people again, and my appetite has returned. I feel more myself.

 

It took almost 5 months to get to this stage. So if it's only a month or two in, don't panic. It'll come.

 

getting your sense of humor back is a HUGE part of it..mine came back about a month ago (it's been 6 months total)...once you pas the mark, you will just start to feel better...it's weird...never thought i'd come out of it but the spirit always comes out on top! don't worry....at 1 and 2 months, i was still a wreck...but functional wreck..now i'm back to normal

 

it took about 3 months to feel good basically and only last week i looked at our pics and didn't get sick.

[jimmajam]

My sign was similar in that I just started getting interested in things again. I'm still not fully able to enjoy things, but I am starting to enjoy the time I have to focus on other things now.

[Ms.Lady]

Signs for me that I was over my ex..

 

1.) Days pass without thinking about him anymore..

2.) Looking at pictures of him or thinking about him & not feeling sad

3.) Actually asking yourself what did you ever see in your ex?

4.) Not feeling depressed hurt or angry anymore

5.) Going on in your life and actually feeling happy again..

 

Those were the major things that made me realize I was healed.. It took a minute for me to get over him but in all I'm happy..

[sphx26]

The number one sign for me is getting my sense of humor back, as I hadn't even so much as crack a smile the first few weeks. Another sign is I got my appetite back, and third is I have no urge whatsoever to contact them anymore.

Last but not the least, my brain is not such a mush anymore that I tend to reflect on the lessons I've learned, not just the latest but the rest of the relationships I've had in the past. Life is a learning experience, ei!

[d_lilah]

 

1.) Days pass without thinking about him anymore..

 

3.) Actually asking yourself what did you ever see in your ex?

 

I have to confess, I still think about him every day. I can't help it, I think the off switch doesn't work. I think, in time, when I have moved on, not just healed, and have someone else to focus my attention on,this will stop happening. But that doesn't mean I am on the prowl...when it comes, it'll come.

 

I totally agree with 3...on looking back, I wonder how I put up with some things for so long...there were so many times I sacrified what I needed from a relationship just to keep him happy. And a lot of time he was so b*loody irritating! But, as they say, love is blind.

[hater13]

- I see a future without him

- i look forward to finding the right guy for me

- I reconnected with many friends that I neglected during my relationship. My friendships are stronger then they've ever been

- I no longer feel guilty for throwing his presents away

- I don't wonder what he's doing...well sometimes I do but not as much as I used to

-I listen to "our" song and don't feel sad

....then again I'm picking at all his faults right now and really hating on him. lol

[jbrooklyn]

- I see a future without him

- i look forward to finding the right guy for me

- I reconnected with many friends that I neglected during my relationship. My friendships are stronger then they've ever been

- I no longer feel guilty for throwing his presents away

- I don't wonder what he's doing...well sometimes I do but not as much as I used to

-I listen to "our" song and don't feel sad

....then again I'm picking at all his faults right now and really hating on him. lol

 

I really value my friendship a whole lot more than I ever had. I wont neglect my friends anymore for a relationship. They will be there when the relationship ends.

[tujna]

Posting in the DATING forum!!!! Liking a guy for a first time after more than 8 months and 7 years with my ex... for a total of 8 years Isn't it hard to date though, I have forgotten all about it

[hater13]

I really value my friendship a whole lot more than I ever had. I wont neglect my friends anymore for a relationship. They will be there when the relationship ends.

 

I regret neglecting my friends when we'd go out I'd just be texting my ex the whole time instead of paying attention to them..

 

They said they noticed a difference in me but they never mentioned it I love my friends

[inafit]

6 months out of 10 year relationship. Dumped.

 

I had forgotten what "I" like as opposed to what we liked. Even when it comes to grocery shopping I really have to think for myself to find out what I like. I have moved things around in the house to where I always thought they should have been.

 

Finding new interests and joining classes/courses

 

Still angry but don't feel need to text or contact her so much to vent.

 

Don't want her near me or house, need clean break, no contact.

 

Don't cry anymore unless for reason.

[Psychomagnet]

Awesome thread! It's soooooo healing to focus on YOU and your own progress than to keep it on the ex and whatever crap they are or aren't doing.

 

For me, I think I am healing for alot of the same reasons, one being last night.

 

Hung out with friends and didn't think at all about my ex or what she may be upto...genuinely had a good time!

 

Lost the urge to contact months ago

 

Can hear "our songs" and not flinch, just enjoying them as I did before they became "our" music.

 

Although I don't look nowadays, the last time I saw a pic of my ex...felt like I was looking at just a generic picture of someone, not anyone I knew.

 

Even though I am not 100% 24/7 (who is? really) the lower times don't result in pain or tears and I snap out of it alot faster...seconds/minutes now instead of hours/days.

 

Instead of dreading finding another to love or be with...I'm looking forward to it!

 

I honestly don't want to know what my ex is upto, I'm so much happier NOT knowing whereas before it was the opposite.

 

etc.

[Scorpio_Less]

My sign was that I went out last night and actually had a great time. Had a few wobbly pops, bumped and grinded with a few ladies on the dance floor, and ended the night at a chinese restaurant with my buddies.

 

I used to find myself thinking of her every waking moment of the day... and then I started to get "distracted" from time to time with other things, so I started to think about her a little less...

 

Last night was the first night I actually enjoyed myself since we broke up ~1.5 months ago.

[Betteroffalone]

Im at the point where if i think about him i think of how flawed he was. And how we truly werent meant to be together in the long run.

 

During the day i feel pretty good being without him now, ive accepted that im not going to hear from him even though i still think about him constantly. And it doesnt hurt when i think about him.

 

The nights are still hard. I dont know if its cause my guard is down when im sleeping but i dream about him, and i wake up thinking about how great he was and then its hard for me to get back to sleep cause i start to miss him.

 

Then morning comes and im happy being without him agian. I dont know, but its a weird stage i guess.

[inafit]

exactly. they don't . so here's to girl power and good friends and fun nights out ahead.!

[inafit]

My sign was that I went out last night and actually had a great time. Had a few wobbly pops, bumped and grinded with a few ladies on the dance floor, and ended the night at a chinese restaurant with my buddies.

 

I used to find myself thinking of her every waking moment of the day... and then I started to get "distracted" from time to time with other things, so I started to think about her a little less...

 

Last night was the first night I actually enjoyed myself since we broke up ~1.5 months ago.

exactly you are right

[Onegirl]

I'm starting to forgive myself for dating him. I'm starting to realize I made a mistake and at least I'm out of it now. I'm free.

[j.love]

i forget, i have these little moments of peace and forget that we are broken. I hold onto these moments, knowing that ultimately one day I will totally forget.