Why is it so hard to find friends? Is it me?

[Anotherday]

I have four friends in my life and none of them live here (and one may well be on the way out). Well, I have one acquaintance here and we'll get together once every couple of months for lunch, but she is very busy and has four kids, two of whom live at home, so it's not like we're going to be doing much.

 

Since I've lived here (seven years) I have yet to make a decent friend. Within the past couple of years it's been one disappointment after another. I am 50 (which is an important factoid - where do 50 year olds go to make friends?), not working (and even when I have been most of my coworkers are way younger than me so that hasn't worked out) and bored to tears. Things just haven't worked out here. I had one friend who stole an expensive necklace from me, another who was a drama queen with one crisis after the other [alcoholic who ended up in hospital three times, hooked up with hit man criminal BF], another one who called me 40 times in a row over a period of about three weeks (scary), etc.

 

I've never had this problem before making friends anywhere else I've ever lived. Is it this town? My age?

 

It's gotten to the point I don't even want to push myself or put myself out there so I just stay at home. I went to a meetup recently and was pretty much ignored by the women there. I went to another meetup and it went ok and I haven't been back. Meetups can be scary in that you never know who will be there and it's a bit awkward getting together with strangers for dinner. Nonetheless, and even though I cannot afford it, I signed up for two cooking meetups this week. Problem is I'll probably be the oldest person there and this could translate into not friend material. I am too young for the senior center, blah, blah, blah.

 

Any suggestions? Thanks.

[LadyVicki]

I don't know if you'd find something like this useful, but there are meet-up groups online for all kinds of interests. I've had good experiences with them in the past. You might find it useful to look up some interest you have and then see if there's a meet-up group for it.

[Anotherday]

I don't know if you'd find something like this useful, but there are meet-up groups online for all kinds of interests. I've had good experiences with them in the past. You might find it useful to look up some interest you have and then see if there's a meet-up group for it.

 

Thanks, I'm signed up for two cooking class meetups this week. I figure this way it's easier to meet people if we're all focusing on a common task (like cooking). Even if I don't meet anyone I click with, at least I'll be learning something useful and I can always cook at home for the friends I don't have here! ](*,)

[geekgirl4]

Keep trying and you'll meet someone who sees beyond age and focuses on how you're two people interested in the same thing. I think the cooking meet up is a great idea! Keep joining various interest groups/classes, I'm sure you'll find friends soon.

[drumrboy]

Not sure I've got any world-changing advice for you, but I wanted to know that you are certainly not alone in your situation (thus, the name of this great website)! I'm 39 and have found myself in your same spot. I happen to live in a city that is known for having a heavy married population, and also for being "cliquey!" I'm not sure where you live, but here people tend to stay rather than move away. Thus, they develop their friends in school and maintain those groups for years and years. This makes it a VERY daunting task for someone to try to "break in" and make new friends.

 

I, too, have tried the meet-ups and taking classes. I've had some small luck with the classes, but had a similar experience with the meet-ups as you have had (people not entirely embracing people interested in making a friend, etc.) But I agree with geekgirl4 -- I think these at least give us a chance to meet people of similar interest/background. I guess we just need to keep putting ourselves out there. (But, sadly, it IS comforting to just veg out at home and avoid the stress and "rejection" that can sometimes accompany these attempts, isn't it? My TV always welcomes me with open arms!) = )

 

Hang in there! You sound like a very genuine and friendly person -- can't imagine someone not embracing the idea of adding someone like that to their friend list. And hopefully we'll get some additional insight from the folks here!