Not a Beliver Anymore

[AmbyM]

 

I don't really ever believe that I will find love becauese of abuse. I feel it has ruined my life. The worst part is that everytime I think I can move on from soemthing and build soem kind of relationship eiter platonic or not, it falls apart because of me. That really scares me. The worst part is that I don't know how to set boundaries without putting up walls. I am unable to. I get hurt easily and I can't seem to find soemthing normal. I also get depressed after every guy. io would love soem advice becauseI would eventually like to help counsel women who have been sexually abused but I can't do it myself. I need to find a way to cope but it's not helping because I don't have a support system. It has come to me wanting to hurt myself because of the lack of love that I receive and I never thought I would admit that. But I don't know what else to do. Please send advice.

Amber

[d24]

the most important thing to remember is that abuse doesn't define you. It might be harder to build relationships, but that will get better with time and experience when you realise the whole world isn't out to get you. Take it slow, and try not to overanalyse things and things will get easier/better. You need a nice guy who's willing to take it slow.

 

Good luck with your career aspirations - if you're serious about it get into therapy and learn more about the way you work so that you can use that experience to help other women.

[doityourself]

Amber

 

being a person dealing with any type of abuse if hard, Dont let that person win. The more you let it bring you down and the more you dwell and think about it the harder its going to get for you.

 

Know that you did nothing wrong and sometimes people in this world are just cruel and ugly. Im a child abuse survivor and at 32 its still hard to deal with but I know that I can get past it, the more I talk about it and spread my word the more it makes me feel like Im climbing the wall to recovery.

 

Im here if you ever want to talk..

[blackdog280]

You are putting to much emphasis on love, you need to love yourself before someone else does. You haven't worked on the past abuse, it is still defining you. I find living in the NOW helps, stop dwelling on the past.

[geminigirl1234]

Hi Amber,

 

I have struggled with similar issues. Diffiuclty setting limits and boundaries, without getting hurt or putting up a wall. But perhaps now your focus should be on you? I know that I am taking this time to just work on myself, and making me the most important thing. I find that people who have neglected themselves emotionally for a long time have difficulty making boundaries and setting limits with other people. I know this because this has been me, and its been a process. I am still working on this. But take it day by day. Never let anybody treat you in a way you dont want to be treated, because YOU are important, you are valuable. You are a goddess. Believe in this, or atleast try to. I know this is just a small thing, but recently i started putting sticky notes on my wall saying things like "treasure yourself first", you are "beautiful and expensive" and "great things will happen." I know these seem like small things, and just words, but if you wake up each morning or throughout the day (when you have time) and just look at these sticky notes (I posted mine on wall so it is in front of my eyes), it will really make u feel better, and soon enough you will begin to believe in them.

 

Another thing I suggest is look up a lady online her name is RORI RAYE, she is a coach that has experienced self esteem issues, boundary setting, etc as a young woman, and teaches other women about her experience, she is really wonderful and inspiring. She also talks about love and men.

 

I know many people might suggest this, but I really think this is helpful too, but perhaps trying to see a good counselor, somebody that really cares and can listen to you. There are some truly wonderful people out there who will be able to guide you through these little sideturns in life, I am seeing one now and she is really great.

 

Take care, and I wish you all the best.