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[jb987]

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[moviestr]

It seems like this woman has put you in a very awkward and unfair position. I'd say she was, for whatever reason, trying to keep your attention and affection while she was waiting for her current boyfriend to return.

 

I think this was more of a control issue than a sincere attempt at reconciliation and becoming a couple again.

 

Despite what her feelings may have been, I would not suggest continuing contact or communication with her. Think about it, she could play with your heart again and you will have spent all your energy trying to make a relationship work with someone who is unstable emotionally and immature. If you do decide to talk to her again, just be aware of what could happen and how your sincere efforts could be thwarted again.

 

You did the right thing. The best thing for you now is to try and heal and when you're ready, you will meet someone new who will treat you with the honesty and respect you deserve.

[jb987]

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[moviestr]

I think you need time and space away from her in order to make any clear decisions. What do your friends tell you? My boyfriend and I just broke up and my friends have helped me a lot in sorting out what happened and why.

 

It's hard to let go of someone you care about so much, but, again, think about the pattern of behavior. Furthermore, someone who can't be alone seems fairly insecure.

 

You may love her, but you have to love yourself, too. Despite what this new guy in her life really represents, she may be too immature to be able to move forward with. Just be cautious if you decide to communicate with her again. You probably value your time and energy more than she does.

[jb987]

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[moviestr]

You know, the hard thing about being in love is that you are willing to do anything for the other person, even if it's not necessarily good for yourself. Trust me, I know from experience. In fact, I am still in love with someone, but it's obvious that he doesn't share those feelings.

 

I'd say that either way, your friends sound reasonable. Either get out there and meet some new people--it may not be as painful as it sounds-- and wait to get in touch with her again, or cut off all communication.

 

Ask yourself what you really want from this relationship. If you end up getting back together, will you be happy? Will you excuse her immaturity and insecurities? She also sounds a little finicky or hasty in making her decisions. Think about what that could mean in the future.

 

Then, if you still decide to contact her in the future, best of luck. But, hard as it may be to accept, I think she's already given you her answer. Trust me, I know what it's like to feel like you're losing the person you thought you'd end up with. . .it's devastating. But, again, what you need is some time and space to gain perspective, and go out on a couple dates with some other women. You might have a good time, and at least it will be a breath of fresh air.

[Mix Maxster]

Ok, if you really want her back you're going to have to prove it to her man. I know this may not be the advice other people were hoping I'd give, but think about it. She seems to be wanting someone or commitment, how could she just "love" some other guy so quickly?? Others would say she's playing head games, is acting like an idiot and that she doesn't deserve you. You said she's going back to school, I assume that means things would be Long distance again?? Remember what happened the first time? you said you lost your feelings and she said she got hurt, what lets her know it wouldn't happen again??? no matter what you said? what would have her believe you?

 

I dunno, it's up to you whether or not you'd want to go for it, but honestly if she's not being completely open or if it seems like she's hiding something... i'm guessing that it has something to do with you and her and you should try to find out what that is. Who knows, but if something seems up there probably is something up.

[jb987]

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[TrueHeart]

Wow.

 

Sounds like my situation, except I'm the woman and in YOUR shoes.

 

It does sound like that she is confused. You said she hasn't been single in 10 years?? She's probably going through some kind of separation-anxiety. People like that are afraid of being alone, even in her singledom, she was never totally alone because she had you. Why she is confusing you is very simple. She IS confused, still.. Regardless of how she wants to put it, that she wasn't happy, couldn't find herself, she STILL doesn't know what she wants.

 

The time away from you, might have helped her-- but if she is doing all these things with you, my first instinct is to say that she really does still care for you.. She's comfortable with you, so its easy for her to just practically "jump" right in to some of the things you used to do-- date-wise. She misses this guy, but doesn't mind that he gets all pissed off that she's hanging with you?? Somethings wrong there.

 

I feel you are being taken ADVANTAGE OF, not really for-granted. She is juggling you and this other guy, just like my XXBF was juggling me and his GF... Thing is, she will realize that though this guy is totally different from you-- he is NOT you. I truly believe this guy she's with is a major rebound.... why else would she then tell you that "maybe" you'd get together next year when she moves back....? I'm not sure if your intimate with her or not, but theres a BIG indication that she isn't as happy with his guy as she makes it sound. And your sudden grasp of attention and want to be committed to her has probably confused her and scared her a little too. How does she know that your not just saying that just to get her back? This is her thought-process. She doesn't want to be hurt again..

 

The best way to handle this situation, unfortunately, is to give it time... Do EXACTLY what you said you were going to do--- stop contact, and then after a while, re-establish it, and wait for HER initiative. This part will literally drive you crazy, but a little bit of patience may prove to be your greatest ally here. Either way, the time apart (without the phone calls 2-3 times a week) will help you gather your thoughts/emotions and hopefully get her to really see what life is like WITHOUT you alwasy being just a phone call away.

 

Don't be so accessible, if she's jealous that your dating other people-- theres another indication that she still cares for you. Unfortunately, by hanging out with her, and pressuring her all the time, all your doing is pushing her more towards her new boyfriend, which I'm sure is pressure-free... Its stress she doesn't need.. If you are going to hang out with her, a suggestion might be to remain CASUAL-- not really affectionate.. Remember how you acted when you first met, THAT exact friendly-type of attitude, happy and ever-smiling. THATS the impression you want to portray, not a little-beacon of a man whose pouring his heart out for his ex... Believe me, she hears your pleas, but isn't listening to them. If she insists on being affectionate, YOU'LL have to be the one to deem that inappropriate.. and if she argues that, simply say very calmly that you don't want a part of her, you'd want the whole thing, and you don't want her to be unfaithful because her happiness matters to you....

 

Its little things like that; actions like that which will prove to be beneficial. Remember, a little patience in your corner, and you might realize that you truly don't belong together--- or, she might see that she did make the mistake... eitherway.. the ball is DEFINITELY in her court.....

[jb987]

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[TrueHeart]

You're absolutely correct. Its the hardest part is trying to act like friends.. You are absolutely correct though, it needs to be 50/50-- mutually... Keep us posted!