Don't know how to flirt...

[Caldus]

I've been single all of my life and I'm beginning to think it's because I do not know how to properly flirt with girls or attract them if that makes any sense. I know that this is a very subjective topic and that it depends on many circumstances. What are some key things that I should stick to when flirting or trying to attract any girl? I know this is probably a very stupid question, but I feel like I need to ask as I've been trying to figure this out for so long. Thanks.

[DopeStar]

smile, be somewhat funny(make them smile), make eye contact and give off the impression that you are in control of your life and that you like yourself, after that be yourself or youll end up with someone you dont want. remember if you get rejected there was a reason for it and its not that your not a cool guy its that that was not the girl for you. remember have fun its not suppose to be stressful. thats the best ive got for you though every situation is different so youll have to play the rest by ear.

[QTpie87]

its not a dumb question at all, don't sweat it.

well i don't really know how to tell you to flirt only act like you would want someone to show you how they like you. i mean just be nice and start a convo, don't be too needy though, just be nice. thats basically all i can say, i hope someone else can help you a bit more.

bye,

love Qtpie87

[Caldus]

DopeStar, you're right. I'm making this a stressful thing when it should be fun. I think that's where the problem lies. I'm just having hard time making it a fun thing when I don't know what to say to a woman when I first meet them (without sounding like a jerk or something). So then I start to feel uncomfortable and have no idea how to show who I really am when I meet them. It's like I have to be a different person in order to meet them sometimes, and I know that's wrong.

[bzborow1]

I think DopeStar's advice is pretty spot on. You need to be funny, (not by telling jokes) as all women will tell you they need to laugh. The being confident in yourself is very big! One reason I can think of is...if you're an attractive single women...and some guy starts talking to you as though they're looking for your permission for the conversation, immediately that makes her think she's above you....which will put you out of the game.

 

So as far as meeting women, it's really just a hit and miss proposition, out of 10 people maybe only 2 will be interested, but it sure beats the hell out of 0. The other thing you could do is to just practise on women. Go to the mall with the idea that you are going to practise on them...not to actually "get" them. For example, to overcome your shyness (largely due to inexperience) in this area....walk up to 20 women and say,

 

"hey! I'm trying to overcome my shyness and I wanted to come and ask you...do you find guys that do everything you tell them to and are generally wussies are attractive??"

 

then she'll answer...you give your opinion....and that's it! Now the key is to do this a number of times and analyze what's going on...how do they react? Do they all react the same? This will help you get over the initial nervousness of approaching a woman. And if one peaks your interest, she's smiling, etc....as you turn to walk away...turn back and ask, "Hey! You have email?"

 

When she says yes just pull out a pen like she said yes to giving it to you and get her to write it down. If they try the "i don't give me info out to strangers"....just say, "oh write it down! i'll only email u 9 times a day"

 

Maybe that will help.

[Caldus]

Did you do that bzborow? Going up to twenty women and saying that? I feel like it's kind of rude to just go up to random people and act like that, but that's just me. Again, I think I'm just trying to be too nice or something when I shouldn't be.

[DopeStar]

thats kinda of the point of it Caldus, to get over that nice guy crap. you need to be the aggressor even though women are really in control. believe me if she doesnt want to talk to you she will let you know and all you can do is try again with some one else. its part of the game or challenge that dating is, you need to know how to play it the right way but your way. so go out and get a rejected a few times to learn what works fo you.

[Caldus]

OK, I understand a little bit I guess. I don't know the first thing about being like that. I've always tried to be the nice and considerate guy, but that doesn't seem to work anymore. I'm so used to being like that since I was always picked on in middle and high school. It is just not me to be aggressive if that makes any sense. But you're right, the being nice stuff is just crap. I should just stop being so nice to people and adjust a bit.

[DopeStar]

Im the same way i hate having to be like that too but unfortunately that is the way things seem to be anymore. Now do go being a jerk because that will only hold there attention for short time. you have to be a jerk with a nice edge. basically you need to be a man and not a wussy or an A**H***. have some toughness and let them know they cant walk all over you but you are going to be there to hold them when they really need it. Be a man and nothing else and everything will fall into place. and one more time BE A MAN about it. men can have maners; holding doors, paying for a meal, driving, but you need to stand firm on some issues, having your friends, time with your friends, tell her no on occasion to keep her in check, taking control of situations: you ask "where do YOU want to go for dinner?"

[bzborow1]

Dopestar is right once again!

 

Calder I think you are missing the point here, what I suggested is just going up to someone in a mall and asking them a question...that's not rude! Of course, I wouldn't step in front of some chick who's speed walking through the mall either! You don't have to be a jerk, but what the "jerks" have is confidence and the willingness to tell a woman "NO" (read: you just made yourself a challenge). A good nice guy thing is to walk on the outside of the curb, dont tell her why...just grab her and move her over.

 

And yes I have done that and still do. I'm average looking myself, but I like to analyze things because i need to make sense of things because I never understood "it". The reason I suggested the email is because most women find it easier to give that out...and i used to get nervous asking for phone numbers. But remember when you are meeting women...just have fun! Dating is a skill you learn like basketball...you get better the more you do.

 

Also, like Dopestar mentioned...if they reject you it's probably got a lot of other reasons behind it. Maybe she's in a relationship, maybe she's in a bad mood, on her period, busy, whatever......but like I said...2 or 3/10 is better than 0.

[Caldus]

So if I were to go to the mall today alone (I need to go get some stuff anyway), should I just go up to some random group of girls and say "what's up?" or something? What should I say and how should I present myself? I know that if I say "what's up?" or something like that that they will just laugh and walk away, which is completely understandable as they see someone like me saying that to them. That's where I'm stuck at.

[DopeStar]

a group of girls???

 

 

how about "Hey ladies, how are you today?"

 

they reply "blah blah blah".

 

you "awsome what are your names?"

 

then introduce yourself and just take it from there. good luck

[Caldus]

LOL I have never said something like that before. I bet I sound like such an idiot when I say that. But thanks though.

[bzborow1]

Ok man...on behalf of DopeStar and myself...

 

*smack*

 

Just go do it!!!!!!! And if it makes you nervous, just walk up and start a conversation like Dopestar just said and leave it at that. If you don't feel up to the task just yet, don't ask for the e-mail//number. The point is just to get comfortable approaching women, then you can really begin to work on your game. When you play football you don't catch every pass, and approaching women is the exact same.

[1Adam12]

Hey Caldus,

 

I used to be just like you but I'm telling you they don't bite when you talk to them!..well if they do then its nothing you wanna complain about huh?!!

 

Like the other day I was walking to class and its pouring rain and Im just walking in the rain with my umbrella up and I see a girl walking ahead of me with hers so I just came up right next to her and just said "It had to rain today huh?"..and she was like I know in this flirty tone so to speak and smiled and everything..I even held the door for her when I got there..All you got to do is something like that..and don't put any stock into then the more and more you do it you gain confidence to talk to girls. Like I said they won't bite for you talking them..unless you want that...lol..

 

Good Luck

Phil

[Caldus]

Thanks for making me realize a lot of things guys. I really wish I would've found this site like 5 years ago, LOL.

 

(Well, if it has existed for that long I guess...)

[Outlaw2747]

Basically what they are trying to tell you is you can be nice, but be aggressive and stand your ground. Don't let them walk all over you. But be real cool; have a good conversation like something you both are interested in, don't come on as TOO SHY or VERY AGGRESSIVE. Just be intermediate when you approach a girl. If she disrespects you by laughing or saying something mean, move on. They are probably one of those girls obsessed with looks or are just really stuck up and don't see you as worthy (I gotten rejected many times without even showing an interest in the girl! Don't ask.....). And one thing I have learned, trying to talk to a girl who is with a bunch of other girls spells TROUBLE bigger than a starving great white. Interference is a big reason for failure of communication between opposite sexes. Good luck in your endevaours. 8)

 

P.S. No one is a bigger loser with flirting and getting girls than me, so do not feel bad.

[Caldus]

Well I finally gained some courage in the last few days have been trying to conversate with girls a lot more. I had a small conversation with one of the lifeguards at my local pool today, so I guess that's a start. I'm just glad I'm getting somewhere with all of this. I do feel a little better now that I tried despite how stupid I probably looked, LOL.

[bzborow1]

also remember that you DON'T have to have a long conversation with a woman to get her number, women give this out easier then you would think.

[Caldus]

Well I didn't ask for her number, mainly because there was another lifeguard there that was a guy and he was near her. I didn't want to start anything.

[Derek]

What is so wrong with being the fool for love?

 

I have heard that girls like it when a guy sticks his neck out and even looks like an idiot on behalf of her.

(Like guys that get dressed up in crazy get-ups or do crazy stunts in front of crowds to get them to marry them or whatever)

 

Why not? What's to lose? That people know you like her now? So what? That's a good thing isn't it? Girls generally love it when they are picked out of a crowd of other girls as "The Chosen One".

 

 

 

[Caldus]

Well actually what I was worried about was that the other lifeguard might be her boyfriend or something and I thought it would be pretty rude if I were to ask for her number while he's standing there and all, you know? I mean I'm not trying to be super nice and all, but at the same time I'm trying to be considerate and respectful of others.

[bzborow1]

ask this then...

 

"are you single??"

 

NOT

 

"do u have a bf??"

[Caldus]

That's a good idea I guess. So should I try going to places like the mall or whatever? I'm not sure what the best place could be.

[DopeStar]

Anywhere is a good place, For instance I met a girl in my nieighborhood yesterday. She was walking her dog and her dog started to pull her towards me, it was easy from there I already had her attention, thanks dog. I told the dog to calm down, she laughed, I asked what the dogs name was and that's how I started that conversation.

 

My point is keep your eyes open, When driving around and you see a girl in the car next you at a stop light that your think looks good, this is an easy place to get a number or rejected because your about to drive off anyway. Point out the fact that you don't have to much time and you'd like to talk more, ask for her number and call her later, bam, a 30 sec conversation that turns into a number or someone you will probly never see again.

 

The opportunity is not going to be anywhere specific, well night clubs and bars, but I'm not into all that so why would I want to meet a girl there who is. Not that I don't try there, I do, just not as hard, I go to bars to drink with friends. Another point on bars, people drink in bars, do you think your gonna get to know someone when there drunk, maybe but you might be drunk to so you not yourself either.

 

Opportunity is everywhere, just smile all the time so if you see someone you don't have to change your mind frame. Talk to anyone anywhere people are pretty willing to talk as long as you don't frieghten them with your first line.