Friendship, Loyalty and Breakups

[JT]

Hi, I have an interesting dilemma I thought I would post about.

 

Brief history:

 

Broke up with my ex about 6 weeks ago after 2 year relationship. Friends that I had previously now became her friends. One couple in particular, whom I've known since I was about 4 (the woman), and the guy for about 6 years. The woman is really good friends with my ex now, I used to be really tight with the both of them. After the breakup, I felt as if I was not supported at all, despite me knowing them longer. Although they made a "half arse" attempt to see how I was doing, the proof is in the pudding that they'd rather hang out with her, than I. I was very hurt by this. The guy is emailing me now to see whats going on. I dont know if I should ignore him completely and get on with my life or what. I am very angry about the friends situation, mainly because of the support issue. Please let me know your thoughts on this. I can understand them wanting to stay out of the issue, but c'mon, they've known me for so long and have known what I have been going through, and have'nt really offered much support at all (1 conversation only). I feel as if they were'nt there for me. I had practically no support through my breakup and it was my first love which I let go.

 

Please advise

Thanks

JT

 

 

 

Am I right for wanting to walk away and ignore? Do you think what they did is right?

[woobiegirl]

Hey JT,

 

Yes, I'm with you on that...I had a long-term relationship and his friends became mine plus we made our own. After the breakup some disappeared while others kept in touch. The same thing happens after marriages break up, but it's a little different in your situation expecially when they were your friends to begin with. It does hurt, and the 'ol cliche is right on..."this is when you find out who your friends really are".

 

Another way to look at it though, may be that your ex initiated more contact with them after your breakup and prompted the friendship. Friends typically don't like to get in the middle, especially if they like both parties. You may have been waiting for them to come to you and offer support...and they may have been waiting for you to come ask for it. Just a guess? It sounds like the girls bonded, so if they get along and get together, it's going include the husband (your friend) as well...he's kind of foreced to go along with it.

 

Since your friend is e-mailing you, I wouldn't ignore it. He's making an attempt, don't shut him out if you want to keep him as a friend, as good friends are hard to find. This will all cool off with time, and when it does, at least you'll still have your friends.

 

Hang in there...

Woobiegirl